Daffodil. depression is a liar. It tells us we are helpless and hopeless; that nobody cares so we should isolate. Won't let us remember that there were happy times in the past, and if we do, tells us there will never be more. Time to begin the slow crawl out of the depression pit. We are here because we have also fallen into that pit, then had to crawl back out each time. Comforting hugs as you begin the journey up.

SimpsonsOK, thank you. Yes I agree, it’s hard to see the light in the moment, and I need to keep pushing on.

I had a long comment about how your made me feel. I’m gonna keep it short lol. My phone went somewhere else.

How did it make me feel? Honestly? It made me sad and glad at the same time.

Sad for you because you really are going through hell right now. I’m right there with you.

I have schizophrenia also and my parents are ashamed of my having schizophrenia. So I never get to see extended family when they come over .

I would care if you died. Especially if you died by your own hands. It makes me sad to read that.

But it also helps me because as I read that I realized I’m in the same boat. You are alive for a purpose.

I hope your family comes around. But even if they don’t you have us. I know it’s not the same thing.

I had to look at the name. I thought I put this. I for one care about you and would really extremely care if you were gone.

Please message me if you want

Rascimo,

I’m sorry you’re struggling as well. Thank you very much for what you wrote. I’m still realizing that many are struggling with the same feelings and issues. It means a lot to me that there are kind people on here who care and want to read about and help each other with their struggles.

You are definitely not alone. 21 is around the age I lost all my close friends. If they don't make time for you it can be hard to feel like you're the only one who cares.

LettGoBreathe, thank you. Yes, it’s hard because I don’t want to come off as selfish, but there’s a common courtesy that I give but no one seems to want to give back. I need to stop expecting the same decency, but it just eats at me because I have no one.

Hey there mama! I'm sorry you're struggling. I'm Mel. I've been struggling since I was 18. I just turned 40 in July and I just came out of a year and a 1/2 long severe, severe suicidal depression and went through ECT treatments. Which is sort of like the end, last possible drastic treatment you can get to try to live a somewhat normal life, whatever normal means. I feel like shit and that I'm starting to spiral right back down into depression. I had horrible, horrible anxiety yesterday that I just couldn't even get a hold of it. I haven't had that type of anxiety that bad and in so long. The only reason why I can't get a job is because my memory is impaired from the ECT treatments and I just don't have a desire to do anything right now. It frustrates me that I do want to go back to work but then again I feel so shitty and my mind is so messed up. I'm still trying to regain my memory. My doctor even agrees that right now is not a good time to try to get a job. But since you're so young, you still have your whole life ahead of you. It's so hard and such a struggle to deal with depression, anxiety, feelings and emotions. I still have so many unresolved ones. My family sucks! I don't have a relationship with most of my family either. I still haven't had children and I'm 40, my husband's is 40 also. I'm too scared to possibly pass on my horrible genes to my children. How unfair and fucked up would that be if my kid winds up turning out like me. I would never forgive myself. People keep saying stop thinking like that just go on and have a baby. I can't stop thinking like that it's kind of hard not to when you know how big genetics play a part. My mom and dad are mentally ill and I'm mentally ill and my husband has drug addiction in his family as well as mental illness, so that's a lot to process. Try to grab depression by the balls and overcome it why you're still young and have so much to live for. I go to therapy regularly, I see a psych doctor, I have been on every medication you can possibly think of as I also have severe insomnia which no one can help me with. I've been to a gazillion doctors and been on a gazillion medications and I still some nights like last night, didn't even go to sleep till 8 o'clock this morning. Stress is a bitch, frustration is a bitch, and self hatred is even more of a bitch! So you're not alone.

I feel your pain, all of you. Self hatred is a bitch, I could have written your post daf, i feel exactly like you. I am 57. I tell myself a constant stream of I hate myself. So usually just sleep when I am not working to keep the insanity asleep. I have been on lots of medication, all which makes it worse never better. I did have some success with saphris, an anti psychotic, but it has terrible side effects and I had to stop. I fight to stay alive every day and also think not a person in the world except maybe my youngest daughter would care at all that I was gone. I think most people would be happy. i guess I am not inspiring but sometimes it helps to know you are not alone.

You are not alone. I can relate my own life toward everything youve said. Things are very difficult its true, but i guess we need to keep going huh ? I feel like its pointless to date anymore bc of the exact same reasons too. I only have 1 irl friend and truley feel what youve been going through. Please dont feel alone in this. I hope u still stay strong, you can do this

Life IS NOT hopeless. I know that we feel that way a lot of the time. Especially when our depression is hitting us extremely hard.

I am not quite in the same boat as you, but I have definitely been through my fair share of depression and anxiety. My first journal describes a LOT of what I went through in college, and even a few (very meek) suicide attempts.

BUT now what I always tell myself when I'm going through a huge wave of depression is that I WILL get through it.

I have to remind myself that even though I might not realize it at this very moment, I DO love myself. I DO have reasons to live. There ARE times that I love my life.

That is what you need to do. Tell yourself that no matter how bad you are feeling in the moment, it is going to get better.

I know it is a lot easier said than done, but that is what helps me get through my helpless and hopeless moments.

When I was in college, I would go through these phases with my friends. I would love them SO much and hang out with them all the time.

We would have a blast with each other. However, I would hang out with them so much that they started needing breaks from me. Not because I was an awful person or because they didn't like me anymore.

Only because people need breaks from people sometimes.

However, as SOON as I sensed they wanted any sort of distance from me, out of nowhere my depression would kick in and tell me that no one liked me.

My depression would then send me straight home after class.
No friends.
No fun.

Just straight to my bed to binge watch some sort of thriller series on Netflix so I wouldn't have to have any human contact.

Because everyone was out to get me or was going to hurt me eventually.

BUT THAT WAS NOT TRUE.
That was my depression trying to drag me down.

Just remember you CAN pull yourself out. Even though it is your last instinct right now, you should try to give yourself that social interaction.

Being out with people and having contact with others is GREAT for mental health. Make yourself get out there and talk to people.

Let your guard down, but don't let it down too much if you don't want to.

If you have fears that people won't like you, you will subconsciously send them messages that will be off putting to them. In turn, they will not want to hang out with you because you are giving them cold, distant feelings for a first impression.

NOT because that's who you are, but because that's how it SEEMS when you don't act natural and true to yourself.

BTW, I'm sure you are an amazing person!! Don't let your depression tell you otherwise!! You should try to beat your depression for sure!

Since you go to university, maybe there is a counselor or therapist on campus, too? It can tremendously help to talk to someone. They can even give you better coping strategies than I can. I have not been to a therapist in a very long time, so I'm sure they have some really great relaxing and coping strategies out there now.

Very good luck to you, sweetheart. I KNOW you can get through this! PLEASE don't harm yourself. You mean way too much to me and the rest of this community!!

And if you think your thoughts about suicide ever get too hard to deal with, PLEASE call the suicide helpline. Those people are trained to help you through these situations.

PS-I love you! I know we don't know each other, but I can't help but to tell you how much your life means to me. That goes to everyone who has commented on this post. We are all in this together. :)

SENDING LOTS OF LOVE AND POSITIVE THOUGHTS!!!! <3<3<3<3

Oh goodness, I thought I remembered you said you were going to university, but I was mistaken. So that part may not pertain to you, unless you are in fact going to university. :)

Thank you so so much to everybody for your advice and kind words. I feel so much better reading everything you all wrote <3 I am not currently in college, but I did graduate from college last year :) I’m grateful for all of you being on here and I’m always here for all of you too!

My heart breaks for you because I know how lonely and deep into the pit we can become when we believe the lies people tell us or what we tell ourselves. I was suicidal for 25 years and loathed myself so much. Please know there is hope. For me it was God and retraining my brain into seeing myself through God’s eyes and not the eyes of liars including what I told myself. So please know there is hope and don’t stop searching for this. There are many ways to get help in talking it out, retraining your brain and church is a great place to begin. You are worth more I promise you this! -Rachel

Rachel, thank you kindly. I have considered church, so I’ll look into joining one. I keep holding on hope for living a life I’m happy with some day soon. I agree, I need to look past the lies my mind tells me. Most days are harder than others, but I’ve made it this far.

Daffodil how kind you are to reply to so many posters. Are you seeing a councellor? Are you on medication? Please say yes to both questions. Its a start