I'm so sorry you're going through this. I also suffer with depression, so I can relate to the hopelessness you're feeling. Have you looked for help from a doctor/therapist? Are you on medication? These two things have helped me greatly.

You ARE a person. And I would assume a pretty spectacular one at that. You had the courage to speak your mind to thousands of other people who I'm sure read this and can 100% relate. Like me! Take some excederine for your migraines? That's the only thing that will help me. And take a warm shower. You don't deserve to have cold water raining down on you. A bubble bath perhaps? Oh what I'd give to be able to have a relaxing spa day with you.

There is hope. I know it doesn't feel like it. Trust me. But the right job will come along, and things will start to fall into place. Please please don't give up. The world needs you. There must be something left, you have a purpose. Baby steps. Keep writing and drawing. I'm sure you're very talented.

Please take care.

You most definitely are a person, and you clearly are very articulate and intelligent. I know how hard it is to deal with depression-- it's an illness that consumes you from the inside and then it spits you out, leaving just a shell. Lol sorry for the graphic description, but that's really how I've experienced it. We are all here for each other on this site, and as stevethebear says you are obviously strong; the fact that you are on here writing about your depression tells me that you know you need help. This is a good place to start, hugs and take care :-)

@restful - Yeah, I've been to doctors and therapists, but then my medical stopped covering it, so it kinda stopped happening. It really sucks because I was starting to get better, which kinda makes it worse. Even if my medical did cover it, my mother works 12+ hours 6 days a week. It's not really feasible to get there. This is kinda all I have at the moment.

@Stevethebear23 - Thanks so much for the kind words. A spa day would be marvelous. My tub is kinda... um... tiny. I think the word is tiny. Like I'm fairly sure it isn't even regulation size. The only thing that would ever help my migraines is oxy, I tried other things, but really the only way anything helped was if it knocked me out in the process.

It's like... I'm gonna be 21 soon. I'm supposed to be living it up, going out and getting drunk and living my life... but instead I'm pouring my heart out to a depression group while I wait for my art block to break.

@red47640
Thank you also for your kind words. My specific type of depression, as my therapist called it once, is vegetative melancholy. It's a lack of motivation so deep that I've been known to wake up, stare at the wall, and still be staring at the same wall 16 hours later. That does come with self-hate, hopelessness, regret, and anger. It was better back when I was in school, when it wasn't my choice and I had a structured day where I didn't have to decide to do things, but now that I've graduated, I kind of feel like I've been frozen in the exact same spot since that day.

I know how I feel and verbal therapy will never be helpful to me, unless I'm in a very bad place and need a bit of dragging. It will never fix me and there's no point in going.

Positivity is the one and the only thing which can save you.No matter how bad things become, you should always fight it out.Think about a lot of other people who are not as fortunate as you are.
God has bestowed you with this life, and you should make the most of it.If you think you cannot handle the situation Take the help of a local physician or a psychiatrist-Nothing wrong in that and stay healthy and positive. You need to reduce weight for sure as being fit is the key to a healthy mind.Would suggest to keep reading good articles to keep yourself motivated.
And in the best of spirits.Have a look at some of the articles which might help you-https://www.medylife.com/blog/health/ways-to-deal-with-depression/

Alright... did I read this right?
...Did you just advertise yourself on my depression thread?

Anyway, thanks for not reading up on my situation and giving a generic answer. Way to fit in there about my being fat. Great advice. Love ya.

I know Im the heaviest I've ever been and it really sucks. I think it is a major reason for my depression. Not only has my metabolism come to a crawl, but I emotionally stuff my feelings. I've started journaling and thats helped greatly tho. A way to stay in touch with my feelings and identify patterns. I feel hopeless alot of time too. I recently switched my meds up and am starting to feel a little better tho. I think its your depression talking and saying that a therapist would be no good. I'd push yourself in this department. You need to get out of your head. Ive done that staring at the wall thing. Just lost in thought. But when theyre so negative its not good. You need connection as well it sounds.

I've tried that journaling thing multiple times, but I can't seem to make it stick. I have gone to a therapist before, more than one actually, and the reason I say it won't help is because there's no part of my psyche that I'm 'blocking'. I can talk about my feelings, or lack thereof, all day. There is no part of my past that troubles me overmuch, there's nothing that I don't like talking about or anything like that. It's purely chemical. I am well aware of my patterns and why and how I react to things. I have things in place that can drag me back up when I'm feeling particularly down, but when they don't work I literally just have to wait it out. As far as connection goes... people tire me out. I can only handle so much connection on a monthly basis. Like, my aunt promised me a day at the zoo with my grandmother yesterday and that'll probably drain me for the rest of the week.

My hear goes out to you, Ember. I feel hope in your post and comments, you have so much insight regarding your depression for such a young age.
I feel like it's a fact in my life that my depression is a chemical imbalance in my brain. Combined with that I feel as if my coping mechanisms are almost a form of self-punishment as a result of not being able to put into words the lack of happiness I felt for so long in my life. Before antidepressants.
Actually I tried to hide these feelings, even deny them, not always successfully. So much anger would buildup inside of me, resulting in self-hatred. Self-hatred becoming a coping mechanism that was an almost automatic response that I habitually seem to fall back on, even on my meds sometimes. Nevertheless I rely on my antidepressants like I rely on the air that I breathe. This I understand.

Would one visit to a primary care dr be an option? I get my antidepressants from mine. I'm way older than you, so at some point I remember asking a general practitioner for a prescription for antidepressants, explaining that I have a history of severe depression.

Your post helped me today. Thanks and never give up trying to come up with solutions. Stay strong.

I'm not entirely sure how my post helped you, but I'm glad it did.

I'm not sure if getting to a doctor would be an option, honestly, the doctor I was assigned a while back was... less than useful. She was very rude and didn't actually listen to my problem. She was actually disappointed when one of my tests came back negative. Other than that, I can go to a clinic, but I don't know that they'll give me a prescription. Even if they do, it'll cost about 600 dollars, which I don't exactly have laying around.

At the beginning of the day, when you arise from bed in the morning, make a list of things you want to get accomplished for just that day only. Make sure, the tasks are doable, like fixing a low calorie breakfast, taking a shower, going to the store, etc. Try not to think too far ahead. Just focus on one thing at a time, one minute at a time. As you accomplish things, cross them off the list. After about 2 or 3 weeks, if you feel like you can do more, start adding a few more things to the list. Having that feeling of a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day, is something you can build upon as you get out of the rut you are in.

You have more power then you think you have, you just need to tap into it, that's all.

God Bless

I forgot to mention that if you need prescription medication and cannot afford it, have no insurance or are underinsured, you can get your medication for free. All drug companies have a Patient Assistance Program so if you get a prescription for a medication that is not generic, you just go to that company's web sight, search patient assistance, and download the forms. Fill out a one page form detailing income, if any, and take the second page to your doctor to write the prescription on and have them fax both pages to the company. It takes just a few weeks.

Good luck