are you from Brazil??? I am too and I had to leave everybody there, I feel so bad and that's why I'm here
I feel just like you, maybe we can talk

Hello Lucy, I know how it feels to not want to get out of bed and not want to shower. some days I still don't shower but I always get out of bed. Nothing can be changed from bed, no friends made, no experiences which may be good ones can be lived in bed. It's safe in bed, but safe doesn't bring changes. For example you probably got out of bed to switch on the computer and write your post. Since writing it Fros has seen it and has reached out to you. I have seen it and am happy to chat to you too.

Hi There! Thank you for posting! I noticed! You deserve to do things that make yourself feel good regardless of other people noticing. You are worth it! Do something special for yourself today, big or small. Have a favorite meal or go to a favorite place. You matter greatly

i know it's hard sometimes, and i know you don't want to be here, but give it some time. and be gentle with yourself. if you don't manage to get out of bed for hours or days or whatever then so be it. you do what you can when you can. it's ok. hugs.

Thank you all so much for your kind words. It means a lot. Really!
Fros - I add you as a friend, lets talk.
Carolin57 - Thats exactly why I came to work, I need this to try to chance anything, unfortunately, its not going to be fast enought. I still have something inside me saying that I have to fight, even when my mind says its not worthy. I see my life now as its black and white, it losed all the color on it. But I'm still trying.
Perry314 - I used your advise, and just had a massage. It was very good. And with the support of everybody here, I see that I'm not alone, its comforting. Its very good to know that I matter.
TooMuch - I'm trying very hard to be kind with me, unfortunately its something that I have great failures a lot of times. Its a very hard battle everyday with myself about it. This weekend it will be a huge holiday here in Brazil, and besides the plans of going to yoga at the park that I have, I'm sure I'll be in bed all the time.

I'm in bed a lot too, Lucy. It's been like this for many years so I just try to accept it for the most part. But I also try to get out with my family as much as possible. We have a family we are all good friends with and that helps a lot. The daughter is my son's girlfriend and they are very happy together.

Heidiclark, unfortunately my family here in Brazil arent supportive, my mom makes fun of my anxiety and depression actually, she doesnt understands me, and sees me like an idiot because I want somebody to be my companion, as an example, she suffocates me a lot. Thats why I miss the USA so much, coz in there I have my aunt and cousins, who are very consern and supportive to me.

What do people do for fun in Brazil? Maybe get out more and try to enjoy yourself a little bit.

I'm trying to do that, getting out of the house, I decide to go to a park near my house and have a yoga class, but the thing is, lets see if at the time I'll leave the bed, and go to see people, where I know nobody will judge me, but in my mind is excrucianting. Its a constant battle. And I also have to battle my lazyness.
Here people go to parties, and bars, go dancing (another thing that I cant do), things that maybe I could do, if I dominate my mind, but then has the problem of companion, that I dont have, since I only have one friend. (I have social phobia too), thats another point that Netflix has. Its complicated, but I'm trying.

I am sure it's not a battle with laziness but a battle with depression. Just the fact you are trying to get out of the house is very good. Maybe go for a walk to the park and listen to the spring birds and look at the different colours around you. that is something you can do on your own, you may even enjoy it. I think you're wonderful for trying.

Our soicety value hard work. But if you want to have a healthy body you need to work on your body. Make money can be without much effort. If you get a job, your empolyer want you to work hard.YOu might like to find other ways to make money.Look at Youtube. There are a lot videos teaches how to make money.

I know how you feel and soooo tired of the anxiety and depression. I am working with professional Dr.s to get help but it isn't happening quick enough and it frustrates me. I am anxious all day and have rapid negative thoughts that I work hard at replacing with positives but it isn't working yet. Will it ever work? I am not giving up but sure feel like it. I sleep poor but when finally get out of bed I just want to go right back to bed. I even quit coffee as I know its a stimulant but should I go back to drinking it because it help me look forward to the day. Its my favorite beverage. I just find excuses to go back to bed. I am my own worse enemy right now!

Hey. Message me. I don't have any perfect solutions, but I have things that help

beachshore I'm in the same situation as you. I dont think that the treatment is fast enought, and I'm trying very hard. Everything they ask me, I do. I got better in some ways, but the depression, came back anyway. I had depression 5 years ago, but it was very easier in front of that one I'm having now. I now that depression never goes away, it just sleeps.
I've quit coffee as well, it make some difference, but not enought for quitting forever, I need coffee to say awake. And I really like going to Starbucks and sit overthere and have my 30 minutes of peace with nobody screaming with me, besides my own mind of course.

Carolin57 I was always a lazy person, not like this of course. I'll probably go to the park this weekend, I'll try very hard.

brill3reess - I have message you.

Lucy life's what you make it, but here's the $64,000 question: what will happen if you stay in bed?

NOTHING.

So wallow. Wallow your way through this depressive episode. Absolutely wallow. Wallow till you're sick of it. Wallow till you're so bored with it you're willing to do anything - ANYTHING to relieve the tedium.

Even... get out of bed and go for a walk. And at that point, when you have thoroughly wallowed, you will find you have the strength, boredom, energy to get up and operate.

You have to learn to manage your energy systems. That means nutrition, sleep, relaxation, rest. You have to learn how to drive this particular car that you've got. don't read text books on cars in general, don't ask other people how to drive. You don't need to know how to operate their vehicle. You need to learn how to operate your own.

And that's a private, personal experience. When you get energy sorted you will find depression will sort itself. And don't be some bullshit expert looking in at yourself. Don't 'obey rules'. don't 'do what you're told'. OMG I have never had a result doing what other, thicker, people thought would fix me because they've read it in a book that someone else, thick, wrote based on ideas and theories of other people that they read in some book, too. I have had a result learning myself how to function, myself, and figure out based on my own personal experiences with this particular body that I have, how to make it do its best.

Own yourself and gain your own primary knowledge of your systems. You are you. You're not a rat and life isn't an experiment.

Learn to make your own decisions and stand up for them.