Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
But I am so unhappy, I have been thinking about it more and more the past few days, Driving in front of a truck; jumping off a bridge
I do not know what I want or need. I have been struggling with depression for almost 4 years now due to a long series of unexpected and unfair events in my life and been in therapy for nearly a year, but it isnt helping. Shit just keeps happening.
I have no family member or even close friend I can talk to and confide in, comfort me or encourage me; or celebrate with when something pleasant happens. That is rare.
I have made such a mess out of my life, trying to escape the sadness and spin my troubles away at the casino. I am a month behind on all of my bills and another month due. My credit card is maxed out, my checking account is overdrawn and I only have a few coins in my pocket. I have started drinking again after more than 20 years
I stopped taking the Prozac my doctor prescribed because my blood pressure elevated so much it scared me after I started taking it.
I do not know what I want or need. I have been struggling with depression for almost 4 years now due to a long series of unexpected and unfair events in my life and been in therapy for nearly a year, but it isnt helping. Shit just keeps happening.
I have no family member or even close friend I can talk to and confide in, comfort me or encourage me; or celebrate with when something pleasant happens. That is rare.
I have made such a mess out of my life, trying to escape the sadness and spin my troubles away at the casino. I am a month behind on all of my bills and another month due. My credit card is maxed out, my checking account is overdrawn and I only have a few coins in my pocket. I have started drinking again after more than 20 years
I stopped taking the Prozac my doctor prescribed because my blood pressure elevated so much it scared me after I started taking it.
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I invited Bill to have dinner with me last Sunday. He wasn't willing to drive 7 hours to mid Michigan and teased me with his beautiful ribs!!! So, of course I ate alone and had cedar salmon
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
I'm in the same boat...for me it's the titanic. I think of death hundreds of times a day and I need to either poop or get off the pot.
Your life doesn't sound too bad and if I had a time machine I would lend it to you but it sounds like you have an idea of what you can do and getting off the prozac is a huge leap in the right direction...tell your Dr he or she can take it. They probably wouldn't touch it with a ten foot stethoscope.
And while I do agree with Timmy, that it's ok to live in that sad space sometimes, when you are ready to get out, I think the best thing you can do is be active in anyway you can, physically and mentally.
- Take a walk everyday
- Call the companies you owe money to and find out if they can help you out or defer the payments. Bill collectors are much more likely to help you if you call them first.
- Join a gambler's anonymous if that is what you are struggling with
- Go to a place of worship, wherever that might be for you. Talk to people there.
- Change therapists! Yes, I know, it's a real pain, but if after a year, you are not feeling any better, you need to find someone who has a different approach.
Any small thing that you can do to actively affect your situation is a huge step in the right direction.
Good luck and blessings.
Timothy, I have not cried for many years. Even when my daughter died suddenly and unexpectedly the end of March I barely whimpered over the shock and grief.
Sweatingbullets, I do know what I need to do but I do not have the wherewithal to do it because there has just been so much anguish in my life the past nearly four years I just dont give a big rats ass anymore.
The one Saving Grace in my life I thank God every day for is I am very physically healthy.
I have already planned to make deferral arrangements for my car payment so I can pay the car insurance.
The casino is an escape for me. I admit I stay too long and spend too much money when I go but it is the only smoker friendly social venue around. If there were a smoker friendly coffee shop I would go there.
I am not comfortable airing my dirty laundry with people I have not known for a while.
I could change therapist if we were dealing with one issue and getting no where, but as I said earlier, there is a long series of unfortunate events plaguing me over several years.
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All I was trying to get across was to shake up your world a little bit. Being outside in the fresh air seems to work for a lot of people...hence the walk. If you can't walk, find a bench with a nice view or walk 25ft out and 25ft back to you house.
And not to put too fine a point on it, but you are airing lots of "dirty laundry" right here on DS, and we've all swarmed in to help...not so scary, is it?
But I'd still say to at least try some kind of group. Any of those AA groups that are decently run will be completely anonymous and you don't have to say anything for weeks if you don't want to...you can even give them a fake name.
If you don't want to focus on the problems...join a book club or pick an interesting goal to accomplish...do something to infuse your life with something new and different (and hopefully free). It doesn't have to solve everything, it just has to give you something else to focus on.
And Timmy brought up mindfulness, which is a great tool to use. A google search will bring up millions of resources. If you stick with it and let yourself feel the emotions without judging, it can turn your mood around in an instant.
We are all here for support. Good luck!
May I suggest taking that money you're blowing in casinos and spend it on photography equipment? Then you can take pictures of this world's natural beauty, which just might bring out the beauty, the light, within yourself.
And there are stock photography agencies that pay sales commissions when customers pay to download your images. It's small, penny-ante at first, but as your portfolio grows into the thousands of images over time, it does turn into thousands, eventually tens of thousands of dollars per year. You only need a 4-megapixel camera to start submitting pictures.
I'm on Shutterstock. If you're interested, here's the referral link to get started: http://submit.shutterstock.com/?ref=4124191
the casino is taking your money that you need to be current on bills...stop compulsive gambling....you are never going to win enough to get out of this mess and will only make it worse....
I wish there were something I could say to help you with the thoughts of ending your life but that is it they are just thoughts...do not act on it....that might leave you crippled and a vegetable in a nursing home for the next 20yrs....would not want that I am sure....
hugs and PM me if you wish to talk bout getting sober again...
'behind on all bills'
'started drinking again from the stress'
You are going through terrible grief,and misery, and I'd guess you're using all these tools to distract yourself from the horrific pain you would otherwise be in. Does that sound right?
But meanwhile they come at a cost. They come at a cost to your health, and your wallet. How can you stop these things, without making your internal situation worse?
I reckon you go to the doctor and tell him/her to give you something other than prozac. Quite frankly. Depression is utterly awful. Anxiety is worse.
I had anxiety severely without even knowing what anxiety was. When I found out that was what I was suffering, it unlocked a lot for me. that terrible, terrible internal state. Unbearable feelings.
How about going back to the doctor and asking for a different antidepressant. When you're on a good medication that doesn't do any harm to your blood pressure you may find getting off the other crutches easier, because you won't need them the same. And maybe you can take the lid off some of your grief, without exploding.
And then you can work your way back to standing.
I can't tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I wish there were something I could do to help.
About the money issues. Try to remember that it's just money. Yeah you might be in debt now, but it's just money. You can dig your way out. When I get stressed out over money issues I try to just remember that money isn't a live thing that will destroy me. Finances are a weird concept really.
Having no one in your life really sucks. I am like that too. I am really lonely and have no one. I try to find people to be close to but I can't. It seems like most people aren't good people and when I think I can trust someone I find out who they really are.
When I decided to take myself off Prozac my blood pressure was reading 160something over 78, A week later it was 153/72 and yesterday 140/62. The day the doctor prescribed Prozac to help me cope with my daughters diagnosis and prognosis and preform at work, my reading was 117/ 60something. For years I had considered 100/60 normal for me.
I do not want to ever be on any kind of mind altering drug again.
I hope to manage the alcohol. A shot of amaretto at bedtime e/o night. I do not want to be the person I was 20 years ago again either.
I can air my dirty laundry here because none of you know me. You dont know what I look like, you dont know where I live. You are not like the gossipy women at church pointing and whispering behind their hand. And I can respond to or ignore your comments
Thanks to all of you for trying to help.