Sorry you're having a hard time tonight! It may be that your friends and family have their own issues, or are just selfish, and not your fault.

I've been alOne for years many years

You are not total shit...I AM. Laying in the snow won't do nothing except make your butt cold so just hang in there and ride this out. There has to be things that help you a bit and if there isn't...I completely understand. Wish I could help.

If I swallow a bunch of pills and then go lay in the snow it night

Well, I give a damn! I would be very sad if you took pills and went off to lay in the snow!

I think family and friends like to think everything's OK if they don't hear from us. They don't realize a lot of the time that we're not calling them because we're depressed.

Your depression is telling you they "never" cared about you. But that can't be true. I'm sure they care plenty; they probably just don't realize how much pain you're in.

I hope you feel better soon. Please, please call a crisis line if you think you might go out in the snow or take some pills.

{{{hugs}}}

I'm sorry about these last couple of days of posting these crisis stuff but I just feel so very low and I feel like I want to die
Feel hopeless and just not seeing anything worth sticking around for I'm crying uncontrollably hugs to you all

I spent the past two days feeling completely alone and abandoned by friends and wallowing in that. Then today I sought out online support which is where I found this site but before I found this, I found this: http://www.facebook.com/GTh3ee and I read through it and thought, man, if I'm 45 and feel such lonliness than imagine how some of these seniors feel. If I'm so lonley then why don't I make a connection that can do some good, something I can feel good about. I signed up and I felt better right away. I'm not saying this is a magic cure all but it sure as hell helps on the feeling like shit part of it. A friend once told me when she gets depressed she does one thing, just one thing, that she can feel good about. Maybe just as simple as wash a cup. And then feel satisfied that you did it. Depression is hard. Lonliness is hard. And I'm not messing around when I say I was depressed. All I thought about was suicide. This is something that I have been strugling with my entire life and I decided it's time to solve the problem. If my friends don't want to call me then I need to make new ones. Or BE a new freind to someone else. Do something that gives my day some semblence of value. Another thing I did is I went to the bookstore. No I don't feel like reading when I'm depressed but if you want to change what is in your mind you need to put something new in your mind so TRY reading. And don't forget to eat, drink water and stay away from the alcohol!! You have to take care of you. You never know who you're going to meet next!

Please don't go apologizing for posting.....far better to get it out than to keep stuffing things.

If you ever needed a safe place to "talk" it is now!!!

I can relate to how you are feeling only to well, I'm alone just as you are in my "real" world. Have a slew of names/numbers in my cell but everyone's "busy" or has their own issues and no time for me.
For all intents and purposes, I'm as invisible as your name is.

I've seen how compassionate you are and feel sure your being alone is not the least bit your fault.
Sometimes, depression overwhelms us and gets that train of thinking going along with the other garbage.
You, nor anyone else here is "shit"....we may think it but some little part of us knows that's not true, even if we can't see it right now.

Wish I could give you an easy solution but like you and others, I'm struggling to find my own way as well.

Just maybe, today will be the day something gets better or gives a reason to smile to all of us....

((((((((((((((gentle hugs))))))))))

You can get some over the counter meds that can conflict with things like antidepressants. Things like the weight loss stuff are the main culprits. Been caught out on that more then once and left fighting very bad depression and suicidal thoughts. So worth mentioning all the meds and things your on to your doctor or speak to a few pharmacists.

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Schizophrenia/forum/14693250-10-reasons-not-commit

I lost a friend to it a few years ago there is a great deal of pain left for any one that's had contact with you. If you are in trouble do take yourself to the ER. Talk to your doctor. Ring the crisis lines...

You have to ask yourself questions like what if the next life is worse because you have taken your life? What if a child finds the body? Is that what you want to leave behind?

(((((((((((((((very gentle hugs)))))))))))))

Are you feeling better today?