Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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I am so tired

sedgwick4914
sedgwick4914
This is my first post here. I am so tired and my life feels unmanageable. Three years ago, I began an extra-marital affair with a married woman who was also a colleague. Turns out she was a serial cheater while I was the middle-aged less experienced target (See histrionic personality that is her and I am the codependent) Shortly after the affair began, I got her a job with my office and from there is continued. A year ago I got fired from that job in large part because of the affair (a job I had been at for 13 years). Thankfully the affair ended last March but as a result of losing my job my family finances took a huge hit and my house is now in foreclosure. I spoke with the bank today and they will not offer me any type of modification and are only offering for us to short sale the house. I have a wife (who does not know about the affair) and two young daughters 13 and 5. I have completely failed them. Most nights I cannot sleep unless I have a couple glasses of wine and some sleeping pills. Tonight I took a double dose of sleeping pills and a Xanax and I still cannot sleep. My family will be homeless soon. I called my therapist on his emergency line, but turns out that he was going in today for minor surgery and could not talk.

I just want to sleep and never wake up.
sweatingbullets
sweatingbullets
I feel for you, knowing what happened and what is the result if it can be devastating. I suppose if there was a time machine available you would be first in line on that one...I'd be next even though I'd show up first I'd let you cut in front. I'm sorry this happened and I gave a pretty good idea of what you are going through...sleep right now is almost non existent and without proper sleep things snowball out if control.
All I can say is I really hope things turn around for you even though that seems impossible right now.

((((HUGS))))
Heidiclark
Heidiclark
Do you have family or friends you can stay with until you're able to get back on your feet?
peterthegreat
peterthegreat
I saw there are services help people with forclosure.
Look at Youtube. There are alot of videos teach one how to make money.
sedgwick4914
sedgwick4914
Thanks everyone. Today is hard. I am in crisis. I called therapist's emergency number and left a couple messages but he has not called back. So instead I have been posting on the boards here. I am at worktoday, but it is the kind of job that aallows me to be on the web most of the time.
heatherhurts
heatherhurts
Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Peace for you..
lacymenzies
lacymenzies
OK...there are other crisis lines. What will keep you safe....Are you safe today? What could you do if you are feeling unsafe? It sounds like you have a family that needs you. I have lived in motels, and trailers, houses and apartments. You can make anywhere a home as long as you and your family are together. It is funny, my youngest said to me that he missed living in the camper trailer....I was so surprised, but he remembered the barbecues, and the lake we were near by, and he remembered the sunflowers I grew. We do what we have to do when we have to do it....because that is what we do for ourselves and for our family. This too shall pass. If I have learned anything it is that all things change day to day. I learned to give myself to whatever it was I was having to manage.....You can too. Keep us posted, and remember that you are stronger then you know.
lacymenzies
lacymenzies
PS....sounds like you may need to forgive yourself for the affair. You cannot blame anyone but yourself....but the best news is you are human. Your wife is human. And while now an excuse.....it helps to realize we are imperfect people living in an imperfect world. Draw a line in the sand and start over..... its ok to do that. Take care.
lacymenzies
lacymenzies
You know I am reacting to your post because I have been married to men that cheat....but I also know that it is something that you and your wife can work through and come out the other end. Putting things in perspective....you have a bigger picture....you wife and children need you. There is more at stake then feelings. You have a little empire there with your wife and children.....remember the bigger picture. Pull you sleeves up and get to work. You have strengths and skills if you kept a job for that many years..... look at this maybe for a chance for changes and new possibilities. Affairs are not about the person you slept with. Affairs are a symptom of other things in your life that you may want to look at. Good luck.
sedgwick4914
sedgwick4914
Thank you all for your support. Today was tough for me emotionally. It really helps that there some many people out there who care.
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