Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

24,615 Members
160,826 Posts
1 Online
Mental Health
/ Depression Support Group

Hurt

OdinsTear
OdinsTear

I'm not sure what I expect or hope to get from posting but I have so much hurt that's been building up for years I don't know what else to do. I'm in such a dark place I can't get out of. I'm having suicidal thoughts to just get released from this and have been cutting myself to focus on that which helps.


i was in an abusive marriage which ended a long time ago and I've never had the confidence to be in a relationship since. So there's no confusion in this situation, I am a guy, my abuser was my wife. Soon after marriage it started and steadily got worse, which was verbally, mentally and physically. Over the years she broke me, made me believe I was absolutely useless. I was often hit, kicked, scratched and pinched and she  got me to believe it was always my fault she did, and I always apologized for making her do it. Eventually the marriage ended which was many years ago now but I can't get over how worthless I still feel. A few months ago I lost my dad and maybe that contributing to some of what's going through my head, I don't know. 


i keep having problems of hyperventilating and uncontrollable sobbing and crying and just can't stop it I don't know what to do. Writing this I'm crying. And feel so totally lonely of no value. I don't think there are any answers, and not expecting or hoping for then writing now, sometimes I just so desperately desperately need a hug but have no one to turn to.


Secouya
Secouya
Odinstears,

You are not alone. I suffered abuse as a child, survived a bad marriage, a shooting and unfortunately some other very distressing events. I suffer from PTSD. I have cut because I have no emotions and although not healthy it relieves what I am feeling. I am in the process of trying to stop through coping skills. You are not worthless. Every person has purpose. Arguments are normally not faults but opinions of each person. The way your ex treated you was wrong. No person deserves to be treated that way. Do you have a therapist? Sometimes it helpful to talk to a professional in order to help you sort things out. If you feel suicidal you should consider calling the crisis line at 1-i00-784-2433 if you are in the US or a crisis line in your area to talk with a professional. I know you probably feel like your world is ending, but it will get better with help. Please have hope. Post here as often as you need. Folks here are very supportive. Hugs and peace.
Secouya
Secouya
Sorry, the phone number is 1-800-784-2433.
jannytheresa
jannytheresa
Hi
I think that we all have bad periods of times and sometimes we don't know what to do or who to turn to
This staying in has really gotten to me as well as a bunch of other things. I've been depressed, cranky and started to really beat myself up today. I think that your coming here is a great thing. People are here to help and support you through this time. Things will get better. You were hurt and treated badly and internalized this---Funny how some people who are really not nice, think the world of themselves and don't "beat themselves up". Just think of that for awhile. It is hard not to have anyone to hug.....Can you picture someone that you love or loved you just hugging you as you hold onto a pillow tonight. Sometimes that helps me.
Anna1212
Anna1212
I have a thing that helps with hyperventilating and it actually works. so sit quietly in a chair. Purse your lips. Put your lips into same position that you’d use to blow out birthday candles. Breathe in slowly through your nose, not your mouth. Then, breathe out slowly through the small opening between your lips. Take your time to exhale, and don’t blow the air out with force. Repeat these steps until you feel normal. this is from WebMD.
I was hyperventilating recently and totally freaking out and I felt like I couldn't get a deep breath or get enough air but actually hyperventilation is that you are getting too much air.
Glad2Help
Glad2Help
What happened to you is terrible, but please do not think of harming yourself. It will not help you at all. There are other ways you can focus other than cutting yourself. What is important now is that the abuse is over and you can start building your life. If you can get help go for it. Consider going to a nearby church and talking to a pastor. Many churches are open and sometimes they will allow person to person counseling which can be done safely with social distancing and protection and everything. He will tell you the truth that what happened to you is not how it is meant to be and that you are not worthless but on the other hand has immense value, we all do, no matter what an abusive person tells you. I have been helped by people in church who were so caring when I needed help. They volunteer their time freely to help others in need. When you get practical advice, and maybe practical help from them, a dose of encouragement and hope for a new beginning, you will be amazed at what you can do.
OdinsTear
OdinsTear
Thank you for all your support and words of comfort, it does help and it does make a difference. Thank you Anna for your advice, I have had more hyperventilating and tried what you said, it can be quite hard concentrating to do it as I started breathing in through my nose and as my mind races I start in the mouth again. After a bad night I did call a doctor the following morning who prescribed Mitrazapine, one to be taken before bed. Has anyone had these? I read about them and was a bit shocked and it hit home when I read why their prescribed. The doctor was very supportive though and she called me back this morning checking up on my which helped as well.
Glad2Help, thank you for suggesting the church, before this lockdown started I often saw a couple in my city with booklets and ready to chat to anyone that wishes to and it has crossed my mind as I felt all this building up but with the lockdown no one is about at the moment.
I will see a counselor when I can, just hope this lockdown finishes soon.
Thank you again for all your support.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • GreenEyes727

    Defensive Driver Course

    Posted by: GreenEyes727
    Last Reply: GreenEyes727
    6
    After work, I am taking a defensive driver course today.  It is online and only cost $10 and it may save me as much as $300 on my car insurance.  I got the information from my car insurance company.  Little known fact about me is that I drive with two feet.  
  • jannytheresa

    The Broken String

    Posted by: jannytheresa
    Last Reply: jannytheresa
    1
    One day in August many years ago, the strings to our hearts were woven together in a magical and sacred way.They remained tied together though they were taken on a journey fraught with challengingdemons serpents and deep wounds.But still, they stayed tied together.They were torn apart and like a wound that leaves a scarthey cannot heal.  They are broken.   Ripped, callously slashed.The heart...