Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
...I was dared to post this believe it or not :S
Anyways, dont even know what I can write here.
I have no self confidence, no charisma, no charm. No hope with the ladies, unless I can love myself first apparently. Well, when you hate your own guts so god damned much its not likely to happen soon is it.
I cut my left arm so much lately, that cuts are criss crossing, partially healed scars I reopen, I then cut across them. Can hardly move my arm without pain anymore. :( I guess I like the pain, that pain will go away with time. It takes my mind off the pain I feel inside.
I have a huge sense that I dont matter to anyone. I feel even my friends just tolerate me at the best of times. Like, if I was to just disappear they wouldnt care. It kind of is like that, out of all my childhood friends, none of them has contacted me since I moved from Scotland to Ireland :(. Some of them were like my Brothers...I guess that was only one way though.
I have made friends here...but its started to feel like they dont understand whats wrong with me, or even want to know. I showed one guy what I had done to my arm and he said he was gonna kick the shit out of me. :( As I say, I get the feeling from everyone else that they tolerate me at best.
My brother wants to know if Im OK, but I cant tell him Im not. He was the one who found me when I overdosed last year. If I told him how I was he would freak out, would take him about a day to get to me, couldnt worry him like that.
People say you never know what the future will bring.
Ive been saying that to myself for a while now...I feel I do know what the future will bring...more of the same. More lonliness, sadness. Shattered hopes and dreams...its all the same. Always.
Sorry if this is so random, just lots in my head.
To borrow a quote from someone:
"You know what I want? I want to be someone's reason for waking up, someone's reason for going through another day. Just once, I want to be the one being wished for, I want a woman to say to herself, "I'm so lucky to have him" To put it simply, I want to be someone's everything."
That is what I want. If I need to start loving myself first, I dont know how I will get it. How can I love something that I loathe and despise so much?
Again, randomness all over. Just felt a need to post.
Any thoughts, help, suggestions to make things better would be welcome.
Anyways, dont even know what I can write here.
I have no self confidence, no charisma, no charm. No hope with the ladies, unless I can love myself first apparently. Well, when you hate your own guts so god damned much its not likely to happen soon is it.
I cut my left arm so much lately, that cuts are criss crossing, partially healed scars I reopen, I then cut across them. Can hardly move my arm without pain anymore. :( I guess I like the pain, that pain will go away with time. It takes my mind off the pain I feel inside.
I have a huge sense that I dont matter to anyone. I feel even my friends just tolerate me at the best of times. Like, if I was to just disappear they wouldnt care. It kind of is like that, out of all my childhood friends, none of them has contacted me since I moved from Scotland to Ireland :(. Some of them were like my Brothers...I guess that was only one way though.
I have made friends here...but its started to feel like they dont understand whats wrong with me, or even want to know. I showed one guy what I had done to my arm and he said he was gonna kick the shit out of me. :( As I say, I get the feeling from everyone else that they tolerate me at best.
My brother wants to know if Im OK, but I cant tell him Im not. He was the one who found me when I overdosed last year. If I told him how I was he would freak out, would take him about a day to get to me, couldnt worry him like that.
People say you never know what the future will bring.
Ive been saying that to myself for a while now...I feel I do know what the future will bring...more of the same. More lonliness, sadness. Shattered hopes and dreams...its all the same. Always.
Sorry if this is so random, just lots in my head.
To borrow a quote from someone:
"You know what I want? I want to be someone's reason for waking up, someone's reason for going through another day. Just once, I want to be the one being wished for, I want a woman to say to herself, "I'm so lucky to have him" To put it simply, I want to be someone's everything."
That is what I want. If I need to start loving myself first, I dont know how I will get it. How can I love something that I loathe and despise so much?
Again, randomness all over. Just felt a need to post.
Any thoughts, help, suggestions to make things better would be welcome.
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
Especially with the no confidence thing.
I dont actually have any platonic female friends here. Well there is one...but it, er, well, I didnt want it to be platonic at the start :S
I love the fact that we are friends now though, she has her own problems though.
Do I really want it?
If I go to a doctor, people will find out, I dont want them knowing whats going on.
I just want to be normal :(.
Although id never ever wish for someone else to feel this way so that I didn't.
I wanna sleep but I cant.
Im fighting the urge to cut myself even now.
FUck this for a month of sundays.
Im also watching Animal House, so between hating myself, Im also laughing.
A very strange mood.
God damnit!!!! AHHHHHHH!
Its hard, Ita heart breaking occaisionally emabrassing, its painful but its a step that must be taken, we cannot fight alone.
Ill think about it.
Trust me nothing helps as much as really getting it all out.