Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
...I was dared to post this believe it or not :S
Anyways, dont even know what I can write here.
I have no self confidence, no charisma, no charm. No hope with the ladies, unless I can love myself first apparently. Well, when you hate your own guts so god damned much its not likely to happen soon is it.
I cut my left arm so much lately, that cuts are criss crossing, partially healed scars I reopen, I then cut across them. Can hardly move my arm without pain anymore. :( I guess I like the pain, that pain will go away with time. It takes my mind off the pain I feel inside.
I have a huge sense that I dont matter to anyone. I feel even my friends just tolerate me at the best of times. Like, if I was to just disappear they wouldnt care. It kind of is like that, out of all my childhood friends, none of them has contacted me since I moved from Scotland to Ireland :(. Some of them were like my Brothers...I guess that was only one way though.
I have made friends here...but its started to feel like they dont understand whats wrong with me, or even want to know. I showed one guy what I had done to my arm and he said he was gonna kick the shit out of me. :( As I say, I get the feeling from everyone else that they tolerate me at best.
My brother wants to know if Im OK, but I cant tell him Im not. He was the one who found me when I overdosed last year. If I told him how I was he would freak out, would take him about a day to get to me, couldnt worry him like that.
People say you never know what the future will bring.
Ive been saying that to myself for a while now...I feel I do know what the future will bring...more of the same. More lonliness, sadness. Shattered hopes and dreams...its all the same. Always.
Sorry if this is so random, just lots in my head.
To borrow a quote from someone:
"You know what I want? I want to be someone's reason for waking up, someone's reason for going through another day. Just once, I want to be the one being wished for, I want a woman to say to herself, "I'm so lucky to have him" To put it simply, I want to be someone's everything."
That is what I want. If I need to start loving myself first, I dont know how I will get it. How can I love something that I loathe and despise so much?
Again, randomness all over. Just felt a need to post.
Any thoughts, help, suggestions to make things better would be welcome.
Anyways, dont even know what I can write here.
I have no self confidence, no charisma, no charm. No hope with the ladies, unless I can love myself first apparently. Well, when you hate your own guts so god damned much its not likely to happen soon is it.
I cut my left arm so much lately, that cuts are criss crossing, partially healed scars I reopen, I then cut across them. Can hardly move my arm without pain anymore. :( I guess I like the pain, that pain will go away with time. It takes my mind off the pain I feel inside.
I have a huge sense that I dont matter to anyone. I feel even my friends just tolerate me at the best of times. Like, if I was to just disappear they wouldnt care. It kind of is like that, out of all my childhood friends, none of them has contacted me since I moved from Scotland to Ireland :(. Some of them were like my Brothers...I guess that was only one way though.
I have made friends here...but its started to feel like they dont understand whats wrong with me, or even want to know. I showed one guy what I had done to my arm and he said he was gonna kick the shit out of me. :( As I say, I get the feeling from everyone else that they tolerate me at best.
My brother wants to know if Im OK, but I cant tell him Im not. He was the one who found me when I overdosed last year. If I told him how I was he would freak out, would take him about a day to get to me, couldnt worry him like that.
People say you never know what the future will bring.
Ive been saying that to myself for a while now...I feel I do know what the future will bring...more of the same. More lonliness, sadness. Shattered hopes and dreams...its all the same. Always.
Sorry if this is so random, just lots in my head.
To borrow a quote from someone:
"You know what I want? I want to be someone's reason for waking up, someone's reason for going through another day. Just once, I want to be the one being wished for, I want a woman to say to herself, "I'm so lucky to have him" To put it simply, I want to be someone's everything."
That is what I want. If I need to start loving myself first, I dont know how I will get it. How can I love something that I loathe and despise so much?
Again, randomness all over. Just felt a need to post.
Any thoughts, help, suggestions to make things better would be welcome.
Its started affecting my work, used to be the most productive member of my team. Now im struggling to hit the most basic of quotas.
Ill be typing away quite happily when someone says something...I then zone out and find a few minutes have gone by and I have no recollection of it.
I actually have some big scars on my wrists now. Never gone that far before.
I have financial obligations I cant break now.
I couldnt afford to relocate, or find new friends.
Ive found a few good ones, although I fear Im pushing them further away from me most of the time.
I'm sorry you are feeling so down. You say your brother wants to know how you are doing. Why don't you be honest with him, and not shut him out; if you were my brother, I would want to know. You said if you told him, that he would "freak out." Don't you think he would freak out a lot more if something were to happen to you? Maybe he can give you some guidance, and see that you get the help you need. I hope things get better for you.
((((HUGS))))
donna
He has more then enough on his plate at the moment.
He only tells me to keep my chin up anyways, tells me Im british, stiff upper lip etc.
To steal a quote, "people with stiff upper lips find it damned hard to smile."
Some confidence...proof that there is hope for me, a woman to show the remotest interest in me. being able to sleep properly. :(
Doesn't get me anywhere :(
Maybe I do want a miracle cure...that could be a double edged sword though. Kill or cure.
that said, i've been there too man. you can get through this even if that means gritting your teeth and waiting it out, doing nothing. promise ya.
My friends do nothing on days off. If they do, they dont invite me, they just go and then say they forgot.