Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
...I was dared to post this believe it or not :S
Anyways, dont even know what I can write here.
I have no self confidence, no charisma, no charm. No hope with the ladies, unless I can love myself first apparently. Well, when you hate your own guts so god damned much its not likely to happen soon is it.
I cut my left arm so much lately, that cuts are criss crossing, partially healed scars I reopen, I then cut across them. Can hardly move my arm without pain anymore. :( I guess I like the pain, that pain will go away with time. It takes my mind off the pain I feel inside.
I have a huge sense that I dont matter to anyone. I feel even my friends just tolerate me at the best of times. Like, if I was to just disappear they wouldnt care. It kind of is like that, out of all my childhood friends, none of them has contacted me since I moved from Scotland to Ireland :(. Some of them were like my Brothers...I guess that was only one way though.
I have made friends here...but its started to feel like they dont understand whats wrong with me, or even want to know. I showed one guy what I had done to my arm and he said he was gonna kick the shit out of me. :( As I say, I get the feeling from everyone else that they tolerate me at best.
My brother wants to know if Im OK, but I cant tell him Im not. He was the one who found me when I overdosed last year. If I told him how I was he would freak out, would take him about a day to get to me, couldnt worry him like that.
People say you never know what the future will bring.
Ive been saying that to myself for a while now...I feel I do know what the future will bring...more of the same. More lonliness, sadness. Shattered hopes and dreams...its all the same. Always.
Sorry if this is so random, just lots in my head.
To borrow a quote from someone:
"You know what I want? I want to be someone's reason for waking up, someone's reason for going through another day. Just once, I want to be the one being wished for, I want a woman to say to herself, "I'm so lucky to have him" To put it simply, I want to be someone's everything."
That is what I want. If I need to start loving myself first, I dont know how I will get it. How can I love something that I loathe and despise so much?
Again, randomness all over. Just felt a need to post.
Any thoughts, help, suggestions to make things better would be welcome.
Anyways, dont even know what I can write here.
I have no self confidence, no charisma, no charm. No hope with the ladies, unless I can love myself first apparently. Well, when you hate your own guts so god damned much its not likely to happen soon is it.
I cut my left arm so much lately, that cuts are criss crossing, partially healed scars I reopen, I then cut across them. Can hardly move my arm without pain anymore. :( I guess I like the pain, that pain will go away with time. It takes my mind off the pain I feel inside.
I have a huge sense that I dont matter to anyone. I feel even my friends just tolerate me at the best of times. Like, if I was to just disappear they wouldnt care. It kind of is like that, out of all my childhood friends, none of them has contacted me since I moved from Scotland to Ireland :(. Some of them were like my Brothers...I guess that was only one way though.
I have made friends here...but its started to feel like they dont understand whats wrong with me, or even want to know. I showed one guy what I had done to my arm and he said he was gonna kick the shit out of me. :( As I say, I get the feeling from everyone else that they tolerate me at best.
My brother wants to know if Im OK, but I cant tell him Im not. He was the one who found me when I overdosed last year. If I told him how I was he would freak out, would take him about a day to get to me, couldnt worry him like that.
People say you never know what the future will bring.
Ive been saying that to myself for a while now...I feel I do know what the future will bring...more of the same. More lonliness, sadness. Shattered hopes and dreams...its all the same. Always.
Sorry if this is so random, just lots in my head.
To borrow a quote from someone:
"You know what I want? I want to be someone's reason for waking up, someone's reason for going through another day. Just once, I want to be the one being wished for, I want a woman to say to herself, "I'm so lucky to have him" To put it simply, I want to be someone's everything."
That is what I want. If I need to start loving myself first, I dont know how I will get it. How can I love something that I loathe and despise so much?
Again, randomness all over. Just felt a need to post.
Any thoughts, help, suggestions to make things better would be welcome.
Want to tell me if you're getting any professional help for what ails you, son?
Pretty much everything ails me, hate myself, think others dislike me, no self esteem, no confidence, suicidal thoughts, negative voices.
I tried getting professional help a year back. Just ended up overdosing on the meds and other assorted pills.
I just dont see what talking to some will do. Only posted this as I was slightly afraid of the consequences if I didnt :P
Its good your talking the people here will help you I have faith in them, and talking DOES help!
It will not make me like myself more, probably have the adverse affect of me feeling pathetic about everything.
People in the world are dying and Im so fucked up over being lonely. Boggles the mind.
DS can provide a lot of support, but we are secondary support, friends who get you so to speak. A therapist can help you sort out feelings, and work with you on a game plan for making things better.
Aye, it's a temptation to o/d on the meds, I know. I keep my o/d stash near me always. Haven't used it yet though.
Talking, yeah. I thought that too - what's the point? Then I got to talk to somebody who actually listened - didn't just sit there and nod his head, actually listened and kicked in every now and again.
The point is, son, very few people find what works for them first time out. It's a learning process. "Well, that was crap, what else can I try or should I just give up?"
Keep trying, keep talking - hell, you can even talk to me if you want to be bored - but keep searching for the thing that works for you. I'm very, very confident you'll find it and it'll change your life.
Its a one sided list.
Perhaps I will try again. I dont think I could take actual meds again. The temptation would be far too much. No one is gonna find me here if I take too many.
I have moments where I dont want to get better. I want it to end. There arent many moments now where I actually actively look for help.
/shrug
Shows I am still here, I can still feel things. Stops me being lonely. If Im cutting my arm Im also not cutting my wrist.
Something which gives you the same feeling but you know.... doesnt scar you