Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I don't even know where to start. I'm a 41 year old woman who has dealt with and taken meds for severe depression with psychotic features, suicidal thoughts, general anxiety and social anxiety for many years. I'm currently in a deep depression. I have suicidal thoughts daily. Most days feel like I'm plagued by suicidal thoughts all day long. I started a new antidepressant yesterday. I hope it will help soon.
Some days I have enough motivation to bring my Saint Bernard to the dog park. I walk around the park for exercise but I usually only make it once around because my hips start really hurting (I am morbidly obese). I try to push myself to walk more each time but it is discouraging when the pain stops me. I think it helps my mood to watch the dogs play in the park, petting them, talking with other dog people, and just being outdoors. Some days I can't force myself out of bed, never mind outdoors. The past couple days have been like that. Even on days that I do go out, I often feel overwhelmed with sadness, loneliness, isolation, anxiety, and cravings to overeat junk food. This time of year is especially difficult. 2 years ago at this time I had a miscarriage. It was very traumatic and continues to plague me with sadness. Also, 1 year ago at this time I was in a downward spiral after stopping my meds and overwhelmed with the anniversary of my miscarriage. I developed paranoia with my anxiety and had to be hospitalized for 11 days in the psychiatric department (I'm no stranger to psychiatric hospitalizations). It was yet another horrible experience. I was in the hospital during New Year's celebrations and my 10 year wedding anniversary.
I feel bad that I feel resentment toward my husband but I can't help it. Last year during Christmas I was alone at home while he was with his family celebrating. I had spent a few hours with his family until my anxiety was so overwhelming that I had to leave. I told my husband that I'm afraid of being alone during the holidays this year. He didn't respond. I made arrangements to be with my parents if being with my husband's family becomes too much, but I'm still resentful that his family is more important to him than me.
My therapist assures me that this year can be different. I've been on meds consistently for almost a year and continuing weekly therapy sessions. I do meditations/guided imagery and often remind myself for what I'm grateful. Please pray for me that my mood will improve and that I can make it through the holidays without the need for hospitalization.
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
Depression requires furious amounts of force of will to overcome, because it's a kind of inertia. or it creates a kind of inertia... It grinds you down to nowhere. And it's hard climbing back up the hill you slipped down.
As to suicidal thoughts; I am of mixed feelings about that. I've had long periods of suicidal stuff myself, and it's some kind of brain fart. your brain throws it at you when it can't think what else to do. Brain is very obliging, wants to tell you what it thinks you want to hear. But it's not particularly bright and doesn't appear to figure out consequences that well. It says whatever your feelings are saying. It lines up behind you.. Like that kid in class that always agreed with everything you said? That's brain.
So it gives you these global solutions to your problems. "Sure, suicide means I don't have headaches any more. Yay, suicide means I won't stub my toe again. Whoopee."
- just not that bright, y'know? You have to tell it to shut up. You have to explain patiently to it that it's a giant retard and you're not going to listen to it because its moronic ideas are bringing you down. And then you have to figure out what you WILL do. Telling it to stuff off really helps here. Thinking your brain is useful is the biggest mistake and when it's out of the way, things improve.
Eating junk food? I have this problem. Make huge salads. I have found that when I eat a big salad, which is to say, 1 cup spinach, 1 cup lettuce, 1/2 green bell pepper, 1/2 red bell pepper, 1 tomato, 2 inches cucumber, covered in a vinaigrette, which is to say 3 tbsp of this dressing: 1 part vinegar, 2 parts oil, 1 tsp sugar, 1 pinch salt, 1 pinch pepper - shaken vigorously...
If I eat that every dinner it really reduces junk food cravings to zero and makes me feel... like I want healthy food. I might want too much healthy food, but it's healthy food I want. Lock out the junk food. Go on a whole food diet, where all you eat is real food. Drink heaps of water. There's a really nice sodastream ginger beer at zero calories you can drink that fills you up.
Junk food cravings are partly emotional and partly lack of vitamins. Junk food causes lack of nutrients, which causes cravings for more junk food. Just draw a line and don't let it happen any more. Go on myfitnesspal and find out how many calories are in what you eat. Go on scooby fitness and calculate a slow, careful weight loss calorie programme.
You're not depressed due to an imbalance. You're miserable because your life sucks.
Remember that. You're miserable because your life sucks. If your life sucks you can fix it.
And you can fix this. Anxiety will reduce when you feel better about yourself and about life. Depression will lift when you get more out of life. I have been through major depressive disorder and generalised anxiety disorder... and I'm coming out the other side and slowly (very slowly!) weaned off meds, med free for about six months apart from a tiny hiccup in the middle. My point is that this is your location now but it's not a destination and you can get away from here.
You have to figure out what you want out of life, what goals you have, and slowly, slowly, one foot at a time, walk towards them. Don't worry if the wheels fall off, they do now and again, but when they do just pick yourself up and keep plodding.
bicycle riding's nice too and you can get big seats. :D I know this because I've bought one.
Bridge gave you some amazing advice so I won't add much except one little side note - I had a Saint Bernard in my teenage years:)) God I loved that drooling, smelly gal. Hope your pup brings you much joy!
Have you thought of taking Advil or some other mild pain reliever before you go for a walk? That may help you to increase your endurance and work through the pain a bit when you are out and about.
I'm not a regular member of this group - more of a lurker and occasional poster, but please feel free to message me if you want someone to talk to. You've been through a lot and I do indeed believe that the next year can be different for you. Reach out for support here and wherever else you can:)
Jen
Meditation gives me energy and helps me stay focused. After awhile, I was able to give up my antidepressant medication. That's what meditation did for me. Also, if you have a difficult time walking without pain, try to set some time during the day to just be outside with nature. That will also be helpful.
I use to put negative labels on myself for everything I thought was wrong with me because someone else said so, but then I began looking at the positive by setting some goals and making a list of steps I needed to do in order to accomplish my goals. I worked toward them in small increments and over time, I would achieve my goal and just making progress was a great feeling! Achieving my goal was even better!
So keep pushing forward like I did and watch your husband's attitude change for the better! You will be surprised!
God Bless