I'm not sure if we can post this here, I don't think there is a group on this platform for this specific thing.  I am not sure if my issue is the depression diagnosis itself or the political climate we are in. In short, since the election, I have really gone backward in my recovery.  I am waking up all of the time, and obsessing on this topic and what's coming next.  I will stay up until 2,3,4 in the morning, listening to videos on the topic of politics and all of this othe stuff.  My brain just goes in circles and I feel like my underlying symptoms that were basically in remission have really come out.  I had talked to my psychiatrist a week ago and we had our meeting like we do every three months. I said that I was fine and that I really didn't need to look into Spravato/ketamine and that I wanted to leave well enough alone.

And then I woke up feeling horrible the next day, that old black cloud over me.  A lot of the anxiety symptoms are back, and I have really intense dreams. It sucks.  I hardly slept this weekend and then after my Dr.'s appointment on Monday, I came home and fell asleep for two hours.  It really isn't good for me to be napping like that and I was shot for the day-no energy-didn't work out, didn't do homework, nothing. Just laid in bed.  I went to work the day after the election and then took a couple of days off after that.  Thing is, I haven't gone back.  I am a temp so I don't have to accept jobs.  Another reason I haven't gone back to work is I'm about to graduate from college, my last class is super hard, and earlier this term I rushed through an assignment so that I could pick up extra hours and then promptly failed the assignment, and there are no redos. So I actually have a better reason for not picking up many hours and that's because I need to be here at the library. I've been here almost all day today, but didn't get here until early afternoon.  I will get up to the gym, and had a productive day.

I'm just so anxious about the future and my upcoming trip abroad which I will take on my own.  My therapist doesn't want me to tell my family I'm going, which I don't agree with. I'm not going to go on vacation abroad for a week and not say anything. That's silly, plus it's dangerous. I'll be back by Christmas.  I don't know the language and the plane ride is going to be long, I'm nervous.  I know my mom will disagree and say I'm spending too much money, blah blah blah, but I've never traveled abroad in all my life and I really want to.  I just wonder also if people will ask me about the US when I'm abroad.  I will graduate and then be in a different career after twenty years of working in one, my life is a whirlwind and everything is changing so fast I can't keep up. I'm really stressed out.