Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Warning - this is a bit of a vent with some background details. It will end up long. If you make it to the end, I love you.
When I joined DS a few months ago, I was in one of my lower periods where I had the ache in my chest, crying often, feeling so useless. I felt like no one in my life could understand the constant misery and hopelessness I felt. I came here to find people who really could relate. I'm beyond grateful that I know there are people in my corner, but at the same time, I wish no one could relate because I don't want any of you beautiful people to struggle with depression.
Anyway, many of the issues I was dealing with when I came here have been sorted out, at least to a point where I can handle it. I'm on Effexor (225 mg) and Lamictal (100 mg). The Lamictal has helped as my doctor hoped, that the lows aren't as low, I'm less likely to feel really down in general.
However, though I do feel like I'm on a more even keel, I still have the background sadness. I can get through the days going to work, taking care of my daughter, basically functioning. But there are those voices in the back of my mind, telling me I'm worthless and unloved.
I have very few people I consider true friends, and only 2 of them are local. Everyone else is scattered around the country. My family has always been small, but now it's my parents, my daughter, and me. I have extended family on my mom's side, but they're all the way across the country and I've only met a few of them once or twice. My circle is tiny, and don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly thankful for who I have. But it does make me lonely.
Most of the time, when I meet someone new and think I've finally made a friend, it lasts for a little while then they disappear. They usually find someone they like better and I'm dropped. Sometimes I find out I'm better off without them, but it's so frustrating that it happens over and over. I've found myself in a bit of a catch-22, I get depressed so I isolate myself, isolation doesn't help me meet people, I get more depressed, etc. Then when I do try to put myself out there, I get let down, so I give up and isolate.
Then there's the fact that I'm single. So painfully single. Realistically, I know that the isolation doesn't help that. But I'm convinced that there are other factors. My self esteem is so low that I actually loathe myself. I'm overweight and I'm sure that keeps people away. I see an incredibly ugly person when I look in the mirror - my nose is too big, my teeth are crooked, my eyes are too small...I see flaws everywhere. On the rare occasion that I go out, I'll see girls who are bigger than me and not necessarily gorgeous (I don't mean to be shallow, I just compare, I can't help it) and they're surrounded by people and having a great time. My automatic assumption is "ok, that means I'm fat, ugly, AND dull. I have absolutely nothing to offer." I don't have hobbies. Nothing interests me. Anything I've tried just didn't work. I have no talents or skills.
Guys, I know I'm a good person, I give as much of myself to people as I can. I love deeply and care endlessly. Apparently that's just not enough to draw people in or keep them around. And those background voices repeat it from the moment I wake up until I fall asleep. Fat, ugly, worthless, fat, ugly, worthless...I keep moving forward in life but only because I have to so I don't let down my family. I can't enjoy life, I just go through the motions. Why bother doing more? It won't get me anywhere.
If you're reading this sentence, seriously, I love you. Most don't stick with me this far.
When I joined DS a few months ago, I was in one of my lower periods where I had the ache in my chest, crying often, feeling so useless. I felt like no one in my life could understand the constant misery and hopelessness I felt. I came here to find people who really could relate. I'm beyond grateful that I know there are people in my corner, but at the same time, I wish no one could relate because I don't want any of you beautiful people to struggle with depression.
Anyway, many of the issues I was dealing with when I came here have been sorted out, at least to a point where I can handle it. I'm on Effexor (225 mg) and Lamictal (100 mg). The Lamictal has helped as my doctor hoped, that the lows aren't as low, I'm less likely to feel really down in general.
However, though I do feel like I'm on a more even keel, I still have the background sadness. I can get through the days going to work, taking care of my daughter, basically functioning. But there are those voices in the back of my mind, telling me I'm worthless and unloved.
I have very few people I consider true friends, and only 2 of them are local. Everyone else is scattered around the country. My family has always been small, but now it's my parents, my daughter, and me. I have extended family on my mom's side, but they're all the way across the country and I've only met a few of them once or twice. My circle is tiny, and don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly thankful for who I have. But it does make me lonely.
Most of the time, when I meet someone new and think I've finally made a friend, it lasts for a little while then they disappear. They usually find someone they like better and I'm dropped. Sometimes I find out I'm better off without them, but it's so frustrating that it happens over and over. I've found myself in a bit of a catch-22, I get depressed so I isolate myself, isolation doesn't help me meet people, I get more depressed, etc. Then when I do try to put myself out there, I get let down, so I give up and isolate.
Then there's the fact that I'm single. So painfully single. Realistically, I know that the isolation doesn't help that. But I'm convinced that there are other factors. My self esteem is so low that I actually loathe myself. I'm overweight and I'm sure that keeps people away. I see an incredibly ugly person when I look in the mirror - my nose is too big, my teeth are crooked, my eyes are too small...I see flaws everywhere. On the rare occasion that I go out, I'll see girls who are bigger than me and not necessarily gorgeous (I don't mean to be shallow, I just compare, I can't help it) and they're surrounded by people and having a great time. My automatic assumption is "ok, that means I'm fat, ugly, AND dull. I have absolutely nothing to offer." I don't have hobbies. Nothing interests me. Anything I've tried just didn't work. I have no talents or skills.
Guys, I know I'm a good person, I give as much of myself to people as I can. I love deeply and care endlessly. Apparently that's just not enough to draw people in or keep them around. And those background voices repeat it from the moment I wake up until I fall asleep. Fat, ugly, worthless, fat, ugly, worthless...I keep moving forward in life but only because I have to so I don't let down my family. I can't enjoy life, I just go through the motions. Why bother doing more? It won't get me anywhere.
If you're reading this sentence, seriously, I love you. Most don't stick with me this far.
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
KEEP IT UP.
VENT ALL U WANT.................................
GBU
D
;-O
I am glad your meds are working that's progress right there.
So many of what you are feeling are just symptoms of depression. The lack of hobbies and interests is a symptom. Hopelessness is a symptom. We need to treat our mental illness like we do our physical illnesses. We should research solutions and apply them to our symptoms. One solution is CBT. It seems to be successful in many people with depression. CBT does come at a cost though, so not everyone has access to it.
Something I would like to wish upon you is that you find some way to value yourself. Finding comfort and happiness in yourself will take the need off of having others to validate your qualities. I'm sure you have many great qualities that define you better than the negative ones you think you have.
If it matters, I may be a stranger to you, but being here and reading your struggle makes me value you as a person. I send hugs to you.
I was doing therapy for a while, I don't feel like I got much out of it. I found that I just never followed through on any of the things she gave me to work on. It's a bad habit of mine knowing what to do but just not doing it. I've discovered my dad does that too, so at least I know it's hereditary.
I think the only thing I kind of like is my hair. I guess I'll try to focus on that.
Surround yourself with people that love you. If they do that's great, if they don't then let them move on.
It's a massive world out there, MASSIVE!! Good thing come to those who wait.
Keep Strong!!