Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Disappointed in life and myself

alitlmorsly
alitlmorsly
I'm 46, I am disabled because of a complex intestinal birth defect. I wake up every single morning and I am terrified of what shortly follows! It always happens at 7:30-8:00am. It is a horrendous wakemare! I am at a pain levl 8 for a period of at least an hour until I can go to the bathroom. Sometimes I am able to get lucky and have complete relief. But, most of the time it persists all day. I am very disappointed with myself, I can't keep up with my house and yard anymore. I have a professional level service garage I used to make a little extra money with. Anymore, I'm dread taking on a car repair for fear I will get frustrated at some point and I may not finish it for a week. I have no motivation, no real friends, I dread waking up every day! I hate my life and I don't know how to stop it! I'm depressed and physically paralyzed to do anything! I feel like such garbage, especially with all other Americans think I'm just a drain on society, using the system! Too bad I feel that way too, even though I count on benefits from disabilty myself. I feel so worthless and useless. I try to convince myself I should go back to work, which is physically impossible right now. I also have OCD Pure "O", Suicide. I really don't know what to do anymore! I hate my life, and I could care less if it ends! I cannot and will not kill myself. I wish for death almost daily! I am sick, lonely, depressed and I see no happiness in sight!
Community LeaderWanderingVet
WanderingVet
Sorry to hear of your difficulties. Can the medical profession help with the 'wakemare' situation??

I think they could help with the OCD situation. It is claimed to be 'treatable'.

>>all other Americans think I'm just a drain on society, using the system!


There are none so blind as those who will not see. Screw 'em.

I think you first realize what you can't do .... and forgive yourself for it and then concentrate on what you can do ... and one of those things is to make some friends. Not an impossibility. People do it all the time.

Again, I am sorry for your sufferings ... I hope you can find the good things in life ... so you can share these bad times. Just remember, you are faultless.
orsa
orsa
I am so sorry you have to suffer with this intestinal defect. I agree with Wanderingvet's reply. Please know I am praying for you. Hugs!
alitlmorsly
alitlmorsly
I'm being treated for everything OCD included. My mental problems did not start until I got sick. It's hard to not be depressed when you hurt 24/7. I have been to the mental hospital twice since I got sick 7 years ago. I have never completely recovered mentally or physically. I had a very complex surgery 6 years and they saved my life, but didn't stop the pain. I have been living under the assumption I have IBS. The fact of the matter is the Merck treatment manual for IBS is a complete joke, and that is what the Dr's use! All of the radiology and CT scans used to "rule out" IBS increases your risk of colon cancer 32 times! The OCD is in check right now.
alitlmorsly
alitlmorsly
I have had every single diagnostic test that is even possible. I can't be exposed to that kind of radiation again! When I told them I was still having pain, they (The Cleveland Clinic) the US news and world reports to gastroenterology hospital! I think they probably know what they are doing, being ranked #1 and all! Lol
survivor69
survivor69
DEAR HEAVENLY FATHER
I PRAY 4 THIS PERSON, THAT U WILL AID IN THE SITUATION.
COMFORT THIS PERSON IN THE MORNINGS.
IJN, AMEN
D
;-O
alitlmorsly
alitlmorsly
Thank you, everyone!
faithorn1
faithorn1
I am sorry to hear about your situation as I have MS and also have quite a bit of pain throughout the day and also have problems with my intestinal system. My pain clinic recently gave me a prescription for Amitiza which has helped me. I know how painful it can get and I hope you can find some relief
peterthegreat
peterthegreat
Learn how to make money online. You Tube have many coaching videos on how to make money.
alitlmorsly
alitlmorsly
Money is not issue either. I bought into a long term disability policy from where I worked. I receive double benefits. SSDI and my private company policy. I make the same as of If I were working. I made all of the right choices, but money can't buy hapiness!
survivor69
survivor69
I FEEL DISCOURAGED AND A FAILURE SOMETIMES BECAUSE OF MY BRAIN DISABILITY.
I KEEP APOLOGIZING 2 THE LORD 4 MY WEAKNESSES WHICH IS ACTUALLY SILLY CAUSE ITS NOT MY FAULT I HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR.
ITS NOT YOUR FAULT U R DISABLED.
GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK SWEETIE.
GBU
D
;-O
lightwarrior
lightwarrior
I am really to know about your health condition but its not your fault , you shouldnt blame yourself for it or accept any kinda of blame or shame that anyone might put on you , sometimes unwanted things are forced into our lives , no way from escaping them , gotta face them without feeling sorry for ourselves because when we feel like that , we let any tiny thing (real one or just living in our heads ) make us lose hope and feel worthless , You may be losing hopes on yourself and on your life but it doesnt take the value You got , even if people around you dont give you enough care , You should give yourself double care , you shouldnt hate your life even if it hasnt been the best , each day You can do something to make it better , and if the first thing that comes to your mind when you read this is " its easier said than done " then it just shows how much sorry you feel for yourself and dont believe You can change, You can but You need to build up confidence and strength independently of the past or your health condition or your loneliness , You need to be for yourself the influence You wished other things were or other people were , positive , encouraging and caring . Be that for yourself and a lot will change .

Happiness may not be in sight but it doesnt mean it doesnt exist for you !!!!
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