I'm 46, I am disabled because of a complex intestinal birth defect. I wake up every single morning and I am terrified of what shortly follows! It always happens at 7:30-8:00am. It is a horrendous wakemare! I am at a pain levl 8 for a period of at least an hour until I can go to the bathroom. Sometimes I am able to get lucky and have complete relief. But, most of the time it persists all day. I am very disappointed with myself, I can't keep up with my house and yard anymore. I have a professional level service garage I used to make a little extra money with. Anymore, I'm dread taking on a car repair for fear I will get frustrated at some point and I may not finish it for a week. I have no motivation, no real friends, I dread waking up every day! I hate my life and I don't know how to stop it! I'm depressed and physically paralyzed to do anything! I feel like such garbage, especially with all other Americans think I'm just a drain on society, using the system! Too bad I feel that way too, even though I count on benefits from disabilty myself. I feel so worthless and useless. I try to convince myself I should go back to work, which is physically impossible right now. I also have OCD Pure "O", Suicide. I really don't know what to do anymore! I hate my life, and I could care less if it ends! I cannot and will not kill myself. I wish for death almost daily! I am sick, lonely, depressed and I see no happiness in sight!
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