So, it's groundhog day with this.  I did manage to get an interview for a job I was very interested in. It was not a 'dream job' per se, but it was in my field and entry level.  They got right back to me and scheduled an interview.  I prepared extensively and took time off of work, I could tell that I nailed the interview because I tried a hack that I saw online-I put the job description into AI, set it to voice mode, and then did a mock interview. I was very well prepared.  The questions that we did in that mock interview were almost exactly the ones that the interviewer asked me, unbelievable. I was totally prepared. She asked me what my notice period was and salary expectations. The only thing unusual here was the salary-it was quite low for a tech job, even lower than my last teaching position. I said I understood because it was entry level.  She said that if I moved to the next level it was a three-round interview process. I never heard from them again. 

I have been sitting here just crying the last couple of days, in the middle of the night I was just crying like mad, I felt terrible.

As far as therapy I am going to cut my losses and switch to a different therapist.  I just can't handle this billing situation where they are billing me several hundred and not going through the insurance, it's too much. I have the intake next week. I really needed to be there yesterday but was feeling a lot of resistance around going, I was very upset about the billing not being handled and was feeling a lot of resistance and resentment. I went to a support group it was ok I guess, I had just  a few minutes to talk and got cut off, did not get feedback, I guess it was alright. I actually belong in a therapist's office. 

At this point I think as far as employment if I was wanted and I fit in, and they welcomed me and actually wanted me there and paid me a reasonable wage I would be happy.  It's officially been a whole year I have been searching in vain for a job. Unbelievable. I was looking at a professional group that I go to here in my area on Linked In that I just don't go to anymore, it strikes me as an exclusive club. They all have these companies that they run and they simply just hire each other...I just saw it yesterday. One of their own was hired into a role. I hate that I feel this resentment but I do.  I can't believe this has gone on this long. I told the college this has been a failure. They said that is dramatic, but what is the word for something that has not worked out? I don't know? I really need therapy that is going to stick and work with me.  I am so dejected I can't believe it. I took the day off because I am having these crying jags but I need to get back into subbing and in the classroom.  What is ironic is I saw people in my field posting on Linked In that they are substitute teaching because they are out of work???  What bothers me is that the stress has shown up and even some of the kids have asked, "are you ok?"  So I just sit here more and more...I am spiraling. It is the therapist's job to help with this, which they are not, just creating more problems with this billing.

I think I am going to change direction with work.