Mine was a 7...that is not good.

My parents belonged to a sect who were very strict and disapproving of just about everything. Sometimes in primary school questions arose about what church we go to (most people were roughly affiliated with the main church in the country even if they weret church goers) or T.V. programs (we didnt have a T.V.) and it was embarrassing to be different and strange. Of course I couldt lie about theses things since lying was sinning and I wasnt allowed to do that.

But worst of all was the doctrine that were born sinners and have to be saved. The non-saved go to hell when they die and we were frequently reminded that we can die at any time. I was never sure if I was saved because being saved was supposed to bring peace and I didnt have that peace (As an adult Id say I had bad anxiety). I was terrified for my soul and often it was hard to go to sleep as I was worried Id die in my sleep or that The Lord would come again, judge me and condemn me to hell.

That dominated my life during young childhood and continued in my teens. There was also teasing and my father suffered a mental breakdown when I was in my teens.

Money pressures and the constant need to be thrifty was a somewhat milder unpleasant background situation.

childhood traumas?

Why yes I have one, they cut the end of my wienie off, and yes I am still pissed off about it.

I'm not really sure.

I can't remember 7 years ago when my favorite person was buried..I remember being at funeral..but I was asked if there was a wake..I don't remember..and that was a hugely significant person..the only significant person besides my kids in my life.

So it was suggested to me that my Grandfather abused me sexually...but I do not recall any moments of that..it doesn't mean it did or didn't happen.

But what I have learned is...that...when we cling to the past and make ourselves victims..it doesn't serve any purpose..except pain.

Me not remembering is a blessing..me living in the day and moment is what is required.....why do we sometimes want to hold on to the pain? For excuses for how we behave?

I am happy you have started this post I have belived this for some time now ......what you said in your first post .....my first trmatick event I went through ..was at age 2 .that is when the depreshion started ..thet is when I felt like ...I dident want to be here any more ..it was just to hard ...it was not phical abuse ..but mental abuce .....this continued .......untill I was 8 when I desided to tell my mother so she could help me ...so I told her ...and she told me ..in short that ...God would not give you somthing that hurt you so bad ...so I thought the devil was after me ...that was terrifying ...untill I realized there was no deval .....about 4 months later .....I just dident feel him around .....so ....it just continued ..and than at 14 I had a nother very traumatic experance ....again emotional amd boy did my parents give me a work over ..it eventually broke me and I ended up in the phic ward ..and had to have ...ECT ...to get me back ........my father has apoligised to me ..thousands ov times ...and said if he would of knowen better he would of done things diferant ly ...my mother has never apoligise to me once ..she says ..that I made..all the dishions that were made .....and ...as I got older every time ...one of there reasons ..for what happened ....turned out to not be true I ...my depreshion got worse ....and worse ..untill that final break ...........................and here I am now ....at the happiest time I my life ...when I have a beautifull family of my owen ..and grand children to love and watch grow up .....I am depresed ....and it isent even ever going to be posable to get me up any higher ........it feels like being just under water ..just under the surfuss ...I can see ware I schould be but I can't get there ...I do have good times ....but if it isent good it is depresed or migraining or both .................one other thing. I think is important ......that you schould concided and also find out is how many people have a histories of depreshion ..or other mental illnesses in the families ............there is a lot od depreshion and bipolar and skistifrania ....on my fathers side ..of the family ...and all of my siblings have ..suffered ..at some point in ther life from some form of depreshion ..and I have a son with bipolar ..and a nother son who has had depreshion all his life ..since he was 3 ....when his father left and ...had two visits with him and never came back .....and ..his step dad ..went and picked up his kids every month to visit ...and I know that was traumatic for him ......but he loves his dad ...........bringing up my son and seeing him struggling with depreshion ..was ..so hard ...and back than ..thare was no help ..like there is now ....so we did the best we could ........God .....I am crying ....I have ..lived a life of pure trama ...and I am afraid now ....of what will happen to me if I break again .....will they be able to get me back ....so I am being very carfull ....keeping to my self ....not even seeing my children to much .....or grandchildren ....because ....it was my daughter ..shouting me out of her life that brok me the last time ...and it hapened ..in one phone call ....she wanted us to chouise between her she is my h daughter and our son ..he is my son ..and we both told her we could not chouise between out children that we loved you all .....my h had to take me in to the hospital ...after that call ..it was like I just walked off a clif ..............so now it is like I don't know ware it is going to come from when the next break comes from ....I don't feel safe ............I am sorry for this being so long ...but I have never talked about this befor ..to anyone ....I gess I will have to talk to my doctor about this .....I can't live in fear .....any more .......thankyou for reading ..this .......or skipping through it ..lol .....take care ...God bless

I was abused when I was 6 and became withdrawn in life. My compensation was to be good at School, but ended up being an arrogant little sod.

My issues never culminated until I grew up and graduated from University and remained at home with a control-freak Gran and a Brother who became withdrawn from School.

I only got a 3 on the quiz. I guess that means I should be normal, but I am not. I was abused as a child like so many here. Sexually by one person and emotionally by another. I know it has shaped most of my life. I was also a very nerdy kid and picked on and bullied all through school. I have a horrible fear of being disliked or "unfriended". I don't keep people in my life very long. I really don't know what I do that drives them away, but I am lonely all the time and have so few friends.

it has come to my atention that I left the impression that ..I am having problems with my children ....I am not ....and Maney of the things I did for the kids were not asked for ..also ..I just wanted to do it ...mosty it was babysitting .or bying things for the grandchildren ....the problem we had with our daughter that put me in this depreshion ..was short lived ........she had called and I answered and she wanted us to chouise ..between her who is my h daughter and our son who is my son from ore first maragies .....and we told her we could not chouise between our childeren ...that we loved them both and would not chouise between them ..but to her she felt that we had chosen our son .......that hone cal is what put me into this depreshion .....it was like walking off a clif ..my h had to take me to the doctors after the call ....and I have never ..been the same .........I just had to learn to say ...no ...and .....we have very good relationship with all our children ...but spend more time with each other ...and ...they were going through him ....and he would tell me what he thought I needed to know untill I got better .....and could ......get stronger ....it is just that ...because of all of the trama and because of the three times that I have broken ...that I am in the ship I am in now ..at what is the happyest time in my life .......so my past tramas ....have greatly ..impacked ...my presant ..if are directualy responsible for the shape I find my self in now .....ware .they can noe bring me up out of depreshion ....and never will be able to ...this for me is as good as it is ever going to get ......it is dificult ....but at the same time ....I am injoy ing ......my children and grandchildren ....loving all of them all and not trying to fix anything ..........and my h is the love of my life ......so ......I schould not be any ware near depresed ........given what I am surrounded by ............but past tramas .......have left me ware I am ....but I do have good time very good times with my children and grand children .......and ofcorse my h is my life ..as I am his ......I hope this clears things up ....but I feel also that it being so much in my fathers side of the family .....has a big hand in it to ....take care ..everyone ..God bless

I experienced childhood trauma. I was the victim of a physically abusive step father, a mother who would drink and vanish for long periods, and when they were both gone, i was usually taken advantage of by a neighbor. My depression happened or surfaced during a near death experience where massive blood loss caused changes in my brain, among other things. My meds have kicked in, but now i feel trapped in a loveless marriage. there are no therapists near me, so treatment that way is tough (50 miles). I'm pretty ok, but not sure how to fix any of it.

Yes, for the first 18 years of my life, I experienced trauma. Now, I have passed down the damn depression gene to my child. who is now having depression issues & a drinking problem. I didn't abuse him the way I was abused, but he is depressed and an alcoholic anyway. I am SO damn mad at the system right now. He blew a .29 blood alcohol on Friday & spent the weekend in a treatment facility. They just let him go today, no medication, nothing. I live 600 miles away and he is 22, so my hands are tied. Why is it that illegals get everything for free, but our sons are treated like cattle and shoved out the door because they cant afford expensive treatment.

This is a very good topic for a person who is wondering have I been like this all my life. The more I learn about depression, and bi-polar disorder the more I realize I have been sick for a long time. I have never been sexually abused, but emotionally, physical abuse has always been apart of my life. My mother was a battered woman, and she and my siblings were very abusive to me and my little brother. I was always scared, and worrying, and I cried about anything. I am still the same way. I stay home because I can start crying at the drop of a dime, over anything. I have gotten better since I had a nervous breakdown and started receiving therapy and seeing a psychiatrist. So although I had a bad childhood, I raised three girls abuse free, and have adopted two boys who were abused by a family member and I am raising them in a loving home. So even though you go through, you don't have to grow up and follow the pattern.

holy crap my child hood trauma E-mailed me yesterday, it wants to add me to its linkaden page for its benefit.

Un fucking believable it is that it would forget the scathing e-mail I sent telling it in no certain terms to fuck off and die.

Oh yeah all that thing does is for its benefit...

AND, and me being the great guy I am will NOT be an enable-er...

Oh yeah.... sorry to all the peeps who read-ed the above reply and don't understand because of the vagueness You know I actually did read the E-mail yesterday but I was suffering from three eggsalad sandwiches which i powered down with 2 twentyfour oz's...that's two 24 oz beers for the un initiated.

Be for you blast me just remember how dry those egg salad sandwhich's are.....

Anywhoo so I re-read my E-mails and of course am seeeeeeeething right now,

Why is it these idiots just cannot let it be? I was only apart of that life long enough to be punished and beat at its pleasure. Damm sure wasn't at my pleasure but while getting beat I must have secretly "WANTED IT."

f'n idiots Gerrrrrrr!

Maybe I should start a thread or ....NO damm it i just ask the question here....what is a guy to do?

If I answer I acknowledge their existence... let me tell you last time that thing E-mailed was.....oh I'll go look.....*Jeopardy theme*... back in '07.

It would be better for some things to just die than to grow old and misremember .....

IVE BEEN ABUSSED ALL MY LIFE TO MUCH TO LONG TO GO INTO [ON EVERY LEVEL],

THANKS HUGGLES N CUDDLES N GOD BLESS DC NOT ON MUCH RIGHT NOW DUE TO ILLNESSES ECT...

Okay, so apparently I'm the only one (or one of few) answering no... I never had any major trauma... Parents are together, no significant abuse, no death or sickness of loved ones, etc. Yet, I feel this way. Being depressed with no apparent/evident reason makes me feel guilty and that along with the fact that I think no one will ever understand why drove me to hide from my own family and friends since about 5 years ago. I don't know why I'm like this but I can't help it.