After having a crisis back in March of this year and going to IOP, I really came back around. I wrapped up some difficult things and started to move forward. My momentum was really good and my depression was alleviated. I got a lot of debt paid off, earned a Master's, and had a great vacation planned. And then I broke my leg.  I know that stuff happens and in the big scheme of things, this is a setback that I will get through. It happens and I'm not the first person that ever broke their leg. 

Problem is what is happening in the meantime. Because the break is so delicate, I'm ordered to be housebound. The Dr. doesn't want me in a moving vehicle, going out, or socializing until this brace comes off.  Because I am unable to go to work which is all standing...and school is now over, I have no more schoolwork to do. I have nothing to do in the meanwhile.  Because I have nothing to do, I stay up all night and watch youtube and tik tok and then sleep from about dawn until 2 or 3 in the afternoon, to avoid the huge nothingness.  Classic depression pattern.  I wish that school was in session. I was an online student and it at least gave me something to do.

To make matters worse, I also injured the whole left side of my body. I fell down the side of a mountain and not only did I break my left leg, I twisted my left ankle, and seriously bruised my shoulder. What I was not prepared for was what the doctor told me. He said there was an incidental finding in which he saw a growth in my shoulder. He pointed it out to me. He said it was benign but that it was "sarcoma." And that he wanted to just keep an eye on it. I was totally panicked and he said that he shouldn't have told me. Shouldn't have told me what...that he thinks I could have cancer?  I looked up sarcoma-scarcomas are malignant by definition.  So I took the information to my GP, who said that he wanted me to see an orthopedic doctor who has a specialty in oncology-that this would be the only type of person who would know what this mass really is. I kind of figured that was the next step of this.

NGL I am freaking out. After our conversation yesterday I just can't bring myself to see an oncologist. I know that's irrational, but I went from tripping over a rock to being screened for cancer? Come on! The GP mentioned the possibilty of bone cancer and that is more than I want to think about. I can't have this as a possibility because I have too much that I am doing. This is ridiculous. Why would he say it's benign but then say he wants to keep an eye on it? WTH?