Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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CRYING - IN A BAD SITUATION

Willow215
Willow215

I've been reading the posts and know that SO many are struggling so badly. I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to reply to y'all. I'm in a very bad place right now. As most know, much mom (aka: best friend) died 3 yrs ago  (12/27/13). I was her sole caregiver x 5 years. When she passed a wicked stepsister came into the house and threw me and my dog out. She was horrible to me and threatened to harm my 6 yo Pomeranian. I became homeless, lost my beloved dog and all of my belongings. I finally found a roommate situation to live in. It's been challenging but at least I have a place to live. My landlord, who is like a friend, is like a tornado! She's very controlling, racist, outspoken and wishes harm to people. This upsets me so much! I'm a Christian and wish harm to no one, not even my evil stepsister. My step-father died on 10/22/16. My step-sister would never allow me to s/w him. She told him I abandoned him, etc...All lies. He died and she never told me he was sick. - I just rescued a Sweet tiny Chihuahua/Yorkie mix named Molly. I love her! B/c I rescued a dog, my landlord had to get a dog too. My landlord got a job caring for mentally/physically challenged people. That was nice. But now she brought one into the house to live with us! I care about the girl, but it's so much to handle! She a 24/7 job and my landlord doesn't have a lot of patience. My old roommate moved out. She couldn't handle the dysfunction. I have nowhere to go. I'm on Disability for chronic pain and depression. My landlord is now wanting more money from me b/c of the new dog. I'm selling everything I have of value. I'm having to ration my meds and my own food and medical needs. I've never been a child. I came from a very violent, dysfunctional childhood. I think I'll vomit if I have to watch anymore "I Love Lucy", "Gunsmoke", or cartoons! At this point I stay in my room as much as possible and sleep a lot, cry a lot. I literally pray hard to die! I can't afford therapy. Am on antidepressants and antianxiety meds. Have been thru therapy for years. I know the tools. I'm just so alone now. I Really feel I don't belong in this world. If I weren't a Christian I would end the insanity my life has become. I don't know what to do. I really need people who understand. I need friends who care.

whatswrong19
whatswrong19
Wow you have so much on your plate. Have you contacted any agencies to find out about free services? Like maybe Social Services may have a list of places you could go get counseling for free since you are on disability, and maybe if you can get help with transportation since you're on disability you could get out of the home more, find out about local clubs or organizations you could join and meet new people. you may even find a new living situation.
bigheart11
bigheart11
Hiya.....thankyou so much for sharing ......on reading your story as bizarre as it may sound.....I found comfort and strength.
I cant even begin to write my never ending traumas in life but in a nutshell I understand all that you are expressing.......I always say the same thing that I don't feel I beling in this cold heartless world .
Why aren't there more who feel like me when infact there are but why dont we cope in this world?
I wouldnt want to change who I am in my heart and manage the best way I can.
Its extremely hard to shut out all the negative but I will continue fighting with only love in my heart
Take care
Sending big hugs and much love
Shadeofviolet
Shadeofviolet
Dont cry ,pray to God,.......................love n hugs
bridgie101
bridgie101
The only way out of one of these holes is to dig.

You're going to need a plan of attack. What career path were you on when you got sick? I know I was terrified to go back that kind of work but when I found myself stuck in a town 1000 miles away from home, and having to get a job, it was all I had on my CV and so I just went on meds and faked it. I was scared I'd do badly but I was fine.

If you get a job or even volunteer at a dog shelter during the day, anything healing or rewarding that will help you escape the situation you are in and give you some much needed space to get your head around what you have to do to get out of it. If you manage to get something paying, that will help even more. Have you thought of doing gardening or housework for a few dollars under the table until you build your confidence up and find yourself ready to get back into the work force?

You say above you have chronic pain and depression and I understand that some jobs won't be an option for you, maybe training for a clerical type role would be a good idea right now.

Sometimes you can't just 'get out' of a bad situation. Sometimes you have to plan it and do this, then that, then that and it can take upwards of a year to achieve it. But if you have a plan you are working towards it's amazing how much easier it is to cope with the bad stuff.

And when you're out of there, with a job and an income and a flat and somewhere for the baby dog you can figure out what your dreams are, and how you are going to follow them. It's a plan for another day.
briste
briste
I am so sorry to hear that you are suffering. And I am broken hearted that you had to get rid of your dog. But, I am pleased that you now have a real friend in the new puppy to keep you company. I know how it is to feel so alone, to cry all day and feel stuck in your room. I do that as well. My situation is different from yours but it seems that the effect on our souls is the same. Know that you are not alone. You are not going to suffer alone if you keep coming to daily strength. I would like to be your friend. You need someone to talk to and reaffirm your worth. You are a child of God and therefore valued and loved. Feel free to drop me a line any time you need to talk.
Willow215
Willow215
Thank you ALL for your replies. MUCH APPRECIATED! I was able to get out of the house and pick up my prescriptions before the pharmacy put them back. I have a rough time getting out of the house b/c of the depression, but fought past it. I prayed, trying to find any sort of positive in this situation. I wish I could work, but the physical pain won't allow it. I'm a nurse. I practiced nursing for 26 years before I had to stop due to back and autoimmune issues. Then I went into Banking Mgmt for 6 years, thinking it would be easier physically. I did my best. The physical pain eventually won. I'm thinking maybe I could make cross-stitch projects and sell them online or do some other art projects. My Dr just ordered an additional antidepressant to my regime. I hope it helps. I'm trying to have a more positive attitude tonight, hard as that is. It's all I can do.. that and Pray. Now I find myself watch a,"Little House on the Prairie" rerun when Laura wanted to keep a goat she found. But the goat didn't belong to the humans. He found his goat family and rejoined them happily. Kind of reminds me that those of us who are "alike" need each other. I'm SO thankful for everyone here! You've made today bearable for me.
Alwysad
Alwysad
I know how you feel. Depression and loneliness are consuming me. Nobody bothers with me. I hope your situation gets better.
Heidiclark
Heidiclark
You have a good attitude and are willing to do what you can to help yourself. You have a lot going for you. It sounds like you at least have a source of transportation so use that. Get out and go to the library. Work on your cross stitch ideas. I'll be your first customer! There are meetup groups online that might interest you. People can come together who have similar interests in your area. You are well on your way!
Willow215
Willow215
Again, I want to thank everyone who has replied. I continue to feel very alone and sad. The depression and anxiety scare me often when these negative feelings are SO bad. I haven't been out of the house in days. It's hard just to get out of bed. Not because of the physical pain, but because of the overwhelming hopelessness that consumes me. No matter how hard I try, and how hard I pray, the sadness just won't go away. I will talk to my Dr. again to see if she can add another antidepressant. I have chemical imbalances that cause the severe depression. Unfortunately in all of the years since diagnosed, no one can seem to find the right antidepressant combination. My Faith is strong. I know God doesn't want any of us to suffer like this.
shelda
shelda
Negativity ..sounds like my life..I am going to change that though I hope have been being by trying harder to be grateful . I have no where else to go but there..i think i hear God sometimes talking to me asking me why i think i am this and that..and to look at the positive stuff about me. When your health is suffering though it must be harder. My husband suffered for around 12 years 6 were really bad..and looking back at him now i am so proud of him for even trying...I think it takes extra work..
Willow215
Willow215
It sounds like you have a good attitude, and even when you're down you try to look for something good. I admire that. I used to be an extrovert. You had to be in the jobs I had. I had a lot of friends and never said "no" to going out with friends. I love music and would go to hear live bands a lot. I play the piano and dabble with the guitar. It seems that music is the only thing that can lift my moods. I hurt my back lifting to heavy in nursing and have Fibro, Ankylosing Spondylitis, etc...I don't baby myself with the chronic pain. The severe depression, anxiety and panic disorder are the enemies I can't seem to win over. I used to go to support groups, Church, etc... Since my mom died the agoraphobia got bad and the grief consumes me. My entire family is gone now and I'm only 55. I just want to go "home" to be with my family. I know that's wrong thinking but I don't know how to stop the saddness. I was with a man, that I still love, for 17 years. I can't be with him anymore. He'll never make a commitment and has many of his own issues. It's sad to love someone (love each other) and not be able to be together. My living situation is another problem. At least I'm not homeless and am very thankful for that. I have a lot to be thankful for.
soulsearcher83
soulsearcher83
Did you sign a lease saying a dog would cost more? If not, give him maybe $100 if you can and that's it. He knows you are disabled and on limited income. And you can't squeeze water from a stone. He'll have to accept it and then you should end every conversation about it. No need for you to suffer for his greed.
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