bump you bastards

I think the huge thing that has fucked me up was the fact that I could never express how I felt. Feelings are hard for me, especially now since I am older. I always feel mixed up when it comes to feelings. That and feeling ignored. I was the youngest out of 4 kids and I was ignored because I caused the least trouble and took care of myself for the most part. I think when a child grows up feeling ignored by their family, they have a hard time figuring out where they fit in and how they fit in. Of course, there are many more things I could put but I think these things play a part in how mixed up I am about feelings and how I feel I never fit in or belong anywhere.

Beastie, I am sorry you had a fucked up childhood...Thanks for this post!

love you Beth always.. I was just rethinking everything and realized why I scared so many men away. Now I realize that wasnt a bad thing

What fucked me up the most...being made to feel like I wasn't wanted, wasn't good enough, was in the way all the time. Like I had no right to be there.

Also totally blowing a chance to make a lot of money.

It all sucks. I was always made to feel *in the way*. But to dwell on it and make others uncomfortable with my *wanting* was to much for me.

HELLO??????????????????????????????

I was very ill as a child so i had to stay home alot which was never good for many reasons.

sorry Roque.. I guess we all had something that is in the back of our minds, unfortunately.. thanks for the respond

My twin brother was my mom's pet. I could never measure up to him. I was always put down because I wasn't like him so, I showed my folks what a real rebel and a real reject was. It cost me a lot of trouble, fights, and even went into my older years. Always feeling rejected, unloved, not good enough, etc.

I paid a dear price for the hurt I felt inside.

not sure you really want the answer to that question beastie..... but I love ya all the same!

hugs for my Beastie!

I love my twin sister to death. But being a twin and being constantly compared to someone made me have so many feelings of inadequacy. Now I always feel like I have to do better, I push myself beyond my limits. Hence me being here. lol

My dad sexually and emotionally abusing me messed me up the most.

I was raised in a male abusive situation. Men and boys were hated, and treated badly, not given any support or help or even proper medical treatment. At the age of 5 I was in bad pain and was told that they could not do anything about it. So for 15 years I became a head banger. Was considered retarded for a very long time.
Had a nephew who was also subjected to that situation. He went into drugs. Later, when he returned to that situation he wound up killing his mom, his 2 children, his girlfriend, and himself.

My dad physically, mentally, and emotionally abusing me for more than half my life so far. And my suicide attempt

I had a great childhood. However, I was horribly bullied all through elementary and junior high school. I found my voice in high school and have stood up for myself ever since.