I think my biggest mistake as a kid growing up was believing when I was five years old that it was my responsibility to make sure my parents, especially my Mom ...never feel the kind of pain I saw them go thru when my oldest brother was killed in a car accident.....I guess I vowed then that I would do what ever I had to to make sure I never had to see them in that kind of pain again...as a result that kind of feeling that it was my responsibility to protect others just grew and grew and I just got lost somewhere in all that.....when my Mom passed away I realized I had no idea who I was without the reflection of myself I saw in her eyes.....what was I if I wasn't John and Marions daughter, Scott and Terrys sister,.....who was I?

And I guess it is still the same now....I feel like without my kids I am nobody and there really is no reason for me to exist if they are not here.....so I guess it is good they are here...I sure do love them.

Good question beastie....hugs

I was always stupid, untalented and ugly. My parents always put a lot of pressure on me to do well in school and be perfect. I was punished for crying and sometime happiness. (When i laughed or played too much) I was beaten which was called "spankings". But when u spank you don't knock the kid down. My mom letting her husband hurt herself and her children and deny it even till today. How i'm always crazy for leaving and going for my dreams. This still effects me today.

Oh, this is a big one for me. I was not physically abused but I watched alot of it. My mom worked nights and I was left with my siblings at night. Man, they use to beat the crap out of each other....I learned to just go along with what they want in order not to get the crap beat out of me. If we told my Mom then we would get it after she left. So, I kept my mouth shut and went along as best I could.

I beat the physical abuse but not the sexual abuse. My father sexually molested me when I was 8 several times. That was a really big fuck up because it stole my trust in others.

The verbal abuse was really bad. Left alone with 4 siblings made for alot of verbal abuse. It was often I heard things like "get me a glass of tea Fatso or I will beat your ass". I was called things like Fatso, stupid, and ugly on a regular basis. So much so that my brother's friends thought Fatso was my name. One day I was walking down the street and some of his friends passed. They yelled out "SueCow". I wanted to disappear.

You think when my mom quit working nights it would have improved. She was my hero. However she did the same thing. "you need to lose weight", "your stupid" and a few others. I guess she thought she was being "motherly"? Didn't matter what I did either, I lost the weight and instead of thinking that was good she turned to commenting on every bump on my face. I literally thought I was the ugliest person in the world. Oh, and her sister joined in regularly.

A lot of this still haunts me today. I feel I have to be perfect and I have no self esteem. Calling me stupid raises a anger in me that has no end. I hate to give up my Achilles heel but that is a big trigger for me. My going to school helped with that. I went back to college late in life and managed to get my BS and almost had my Master's Degree. I think when they asked me to leave the program (health issues) it brought the whole you are not good enough and you are stupid issues in life.

Anyway, this was my childhood. Anyone want to trade?

I agree with Old Biker, I showed my folks what a real rebel and a real reject was. And, I paid dearly for the hurt inside.

Why do you think I went back to school late in life? I was paying dearly for the hurt inside.

The biggest FU for me was getting raped at age 12 and also being picked on by former classmates both in school and on the school bus....This has cost me very dearly because I think it cost me what could heve been the love of my life because she cared about me so much and I just pushed her away at our classes 20th year reunion two years ago...I still leave her messages every week and I don't hear from her anymore..I have lost her trust and faith in me.....I hope the counseling I stare on monday for my rape will help..

Tom B. aka Ihman

All this and the vicious cycle keeps repeating itself. Why are humans the dumbest animals on the planet? I cannot believe that any parent, especially a mother, would let these awful things happen to her children. In the animal kingdom a mother would kill for her young.

What f'd me up? Watching all of this happen to people I love and not being able to do anything about it.

I am truly sorry that these things happened to all of you.

HUGS

Gee. Can I only pick ONE! I always felt like an inconvenience to my parents, and they were always telling me how I was no good and everything I did was never good enough. I too kind of went wild once I was out of thier reach. Sleeping around and drinking a lot. I have forgiven myself though. But not them. I struggle with feeling like I am OK to this very day because of it!

My emotionaly abusive dad. and my mother who was a victim but also never defended me or my sister. I was always made to feel not good enough, cant do anything right. My dad never used direct insults, just head games. really fucked me up. like if my dad was out workin in the yard or workin on the car, my mom would say, Go out and help your dad! As if saying swallow your own feelings of neglect and bein made to feel like shit because how i feel doesnt matter. Then when i went out hed say , Did your mother send you out here?? he was a fucking asshole

Oh , love the dancing bear :)

being so beautiful and perfect was hard. so many jealous ppl. im used to it more now but was harder as a little green witch

I had a pretty great childhood, actually. Two loving parents plus 5 siblings 15+ years older than me doting on me all the time. And my sister's kids were more like my brothers and sisters then my actual siblings. It was pretty happy.But I felt just...off when I started going to school. Just always on the outside fighting hard to be popular and accepted. I think that in 7th grade, thats what started deteriorating my self esteem. I've always had friends but I've never been anyone's true best friend until my adult life so I never felt like I fit in anywhere or anyone cared about me one way or the other. And then, my mom died of cancer before I could fully grow up. I didn't know how to take care of myself yet and then I was in charge of my dad and the house, then my kids and my husband. I don't think I've ever truly grown up.

dear! look for the positive.getting spoiled is different from getting to spoil.which one is you?
free mixing is no good specially in these days.
life is lost when you lose........
avoid loneliness but the more free mixing.

I'd rather be on the fucktard bus than talk about childhood.
I love my mother. I hate my father.
I used to pee out the window instead of the long trip to the toitey.

physical and mental abuse. The mental abuse continued into my adulthood

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm alll the accidents i had n when my nan died