No no, I did not work hard at all. If heretic does not want to follow my leads for personal reasons I would not be offended at all. I'm just throwing different options out there.

Heretic I have read post after post reaching out to you because this group of people clearly loves and cares about you and I want to add my voice as well. With no intention to disrespect you in any way I will pray for you. That you get the real solutions that you so desperately need. With my faith I have pulled myself back from incredible depths of depression but that is me. I just want you to know I truly care what happens to you and hope you give the time for a solution to occur that allows you to live on. Gerald

Well there girl IF I lived where you do and was looking at living in my car in 110 heat I would purchase a gun too. A squirt gun, and a spray bottle and mostly above all I would get a wide mouth canister to put the water in so I could just dunk the gun in it instead of poring the water in.

Whew just makes me sweat thinking what you are going to do and girl just forget about getting a lead slinger.

((((HUGZ))))

I have tried getting into the Shade Tree before, when I was homeless a year ago. Because I am on meds I only qualify for a bottom bunk and they didn't have any available so they turned me away. It was a really scary place anyway and I wouldn't have wanted to stay there. I didn't have a car at the time and slept on public buses.

I appreciate everyones outpouring of love and concern, I wish there was some good news I could share with you all. In order to by a gun I would have to work a couple more weeks and I don't think I can do that, I am too sick. I will just live in my car as long as I can stand it and then check myself back into the hospital, They can't really help me tho, my meds work fine and all they can offer is the local shelters, which would be worse than my car.

All I want is freedom from the hell that is my life. I want to die in peace. Everyone dies. It's not something to be afraid of, I envy those who get to do it. I am sorry it makes people sad. I wish people wanted peace and freedom for me. Life is hell. I can't work anymore and can't live anywhere without income. I so envy those who don't have to work and still have a place to live. It's so unfair. I deserve a place to live too, And I deserve to be on disability, not turned down twice. But those things are things I can't do anything about, it's just life and it sucks so bad.

I don't want to keep fighting. I want peace. I have been fighting for 53 years. That is long enough. Thank you everyone for caring so much. Please wish peace for me, and a way out of this hell. Thank you.

heretic,

Thanks for checking in with us. I do wish you peace. I also wish you happiness and a lot of of wonderful things in life..I truly hope that things will get better for you. I will leave you with this quote for now. I hope we chat soon. You already know you can message me anytime. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
You have been on my mind all day and night. I just wanted to let you know. Gentle hugs!

Here is the quote that I saw and wanted to share with you.

"Don't lose hope. You never know what tomorrow brings"

heretic,

Thanks for checking in with us. I do wish you peace. I also wish you happiness and a lot of other wonderful things in life..I truly hope that things will get better for you. I will leave you with this quote for now. I hope we chat soon. You already know you can message me anytime. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

You have been on my mind all day and night. I just wanted to let you know. Gentle hugs!

Here is the quote that I saw and wanted to share with you.

"Don't lose hope. You never know what tomorrow will bring."

I am sorry you are going through so much pain. I hope you get a break soon.

Heretic> Do you feel any better today?

Heretic I want peace and freedom for you too but I don't want you to buy a gun. I want you to try all the options you tried before and all the suggestions people have given you. Just because you were turned away and not helped before doesn't mean it will be the same again. There might be the vacancy you need right now. Might not hurt to tell them your plans to get a gun and end your life, you might move up the priority list and get more help. You are reaching out for help here instead of just going to buy a gun and end your life, that tells me that a part of you wants to live and wants us to help you. Try for unemployment, those people don't need to know you think you are too sick to help, you can just go through the motions, Try again for disability, now you are homeless and seriously planning suicide they may take you more seriously. Tell your pdoc about your homelessness and serious plans to end your life and ask them to pull all the strings they have to rescue you. You are worth it!

I can't get unemployment because you have to be able and looking for work to qualify. And besides it doesn't pay as much as the rent is. It pays 95 dollars a week and rent is 175, and that is in the cheapest place in town. My hearing for disability isn't until after the first of the year, there is no way to move it up sooner. I tell my pdoc I want to die every time I see him and he doesn't care. He will not say I can't work, just tells me I need counseling to learn how to deal with things. I can't stay in a shelter because they are VERY scary places. Even if they did take me in I would lay awake all night scared to death of the people sleeping in the same room with me. It was suggested to me that I stay in a hostel. The one hostel in town costs 30 dollars a night to stay there, that is two weeks worth of gas money to spend on one night in a room with other people, again I would lay awake all night scared to death. No way is it worth it. I will tell my pdoc that I am homeless but all he will suggest is a shelter. There are no other options. I will stay in my car until I can't take it anymore and then check myself back into the hospital. All they will offer me is the same shelter options. When they release me I will end it. There is no place for me in this world. I so envy people who don't have to work and still have a place to live. It is so unfair. I deserve a place to live too. I worked far longer than I should have. I am very ill. But there are no places for people without income except very very scary places. I will not be able to buy a gun unfortunately because I will not have the money. I will have to figure out another way to end my life. I'm sure it will be painful. I wish so badly that god cared enough about me to take me home to live with him. but he doesn't. I pray for death every night, and have for years. I appreciate everyone caring, I wish reality were different. I am staying my last night in my apt tonight, I will turn my keys in to the office in the morning and be in my car as of tomorrow. I don't know what I will do to fill my time except swelter in the heat. I will be at the library a lot and will try to keep in touch there. Thanks to everyone for caring.

ok, you havent liked any of the suggestions offered so far, so how about this one?

dont pack any of your clothes, and go sit naked in your car in a mall parking lot, or somewhere that gets patrolled a lot, and keep telling the cop 'screw you im dressed!'

that should get you at least 3 days in a nice comfy hospital bed

~~

i hope this at least made the corner of your mouth rise... and im sorry i dont have better advice

*hugs*

people here care about you... please do keep in touch as much as you can

heretic,

So basically if you had money and could afford a decent place then you would want to live? Is that what you are saying? Or is it that you want to be approved for SSDI and have a decent place to stay and also have Medical Insurance which I believe people should have and receive good health care. But I am wondering have you looked in to asking for assistance with food stamps and assistance with housing until your hearing date? I thought that people could apply for help in that way. Is it still called Welfare? I am not sure if that is what it is still called but I think they give you like a card for groceries and a certain amount each month you can spend and also a certain amount for housing too. Have you looked in to that possibility? I know there has to be a way for you to be able to find a place to live until at least your hearing in January. I would even make phone calls for you to help you if you want me to. Please let me know y our thoughts here or send me a message. I sincerely know that it is your choice in life what you choose to do...I get that. But I also know that I truly believe that there is hope for your life for it to get better and if you quit then how will you ever know? So instead of buying a gun lets figure out a way to find you a place to stay and you can buy groceries! Much better than a gun. (((HUGS))) Look at all the people that want you to live. I think it is truly remarkable. :)

Believe in miracles. We wish you peace.

bips,

That is beautiful. I agree. Amen!! :)

Heretic> I know you're having a really hard time, but there's got to be a way out of this problem. I think you should take daisygirll option and let her help you call.

I truly wish for you to find peace.