Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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blessed yet doomed

tingling
tingling
I feel trapped in my married life. Have four children and nothing for my self. I mean, i as a person cant stand on my own feet. I feel dependent on everyone around me, it crushes me. I get thoughts of drowning myself in river, walking into a sheriff office amd handing them my ID and tell them l want nothing to do w my identification. Then run away to a far away state and start life a new. My health condition keeps me from working much. I feel like a total disaster. No job. Dependent upon husband for health insurance and food. He tells me i need a vacation and it will get better. But whats tge point if spending money to go away for two weeks only to come back ti the same old routine again. I am sick if living this life, just want it to end anf find peace. I am actively seeking counselling for the last three months(every two weeks) but not helping. I feel like a total disaster as i am not doing a good job of raising my children, building their personality....i got so mch luggage of my own. Should have died in my teenage when i first attempted suicide. I cant seem to have emotional bond or love for my kids to keep me alive. I dont care how everyone will feel after i am gone.
serenityspeaks
serenityspeaks
Oh I so sorry you feel this way. I use to stay at home with kids and felt much the same at times. I work now and still feel trapped but now a single mom. I think often I don't want life out of frustration so that I relate too. I need to seek counseling myself. I feel for you as I feel much the same just different circumstances. Sending hugs to you.
sweatingbullets
sweatingbullets
Sorry that you feel this way. If you can give love to your children then that's all they need, that's all a parent needs to do and a healthy amount fail in this dept, it sounds like you aren't :)
I hear you about suicide but that will affect them more than anything else, perhaps try a different therapist, some are more messed up than the patients they see.
A vacation never hurts, it can offer you a break that it sounds like you desperately need.

(((Hugs)))
ZAZAS
ZAZAS
You certainly won't do a good job of raising your children if you are gone. You have to give therapy a chance. Can you go more than you are? I am pretty much in the same boat as you. I can't live independently either. It sucks to feel like nothing. Maybe getting away for a few weeks will give you some rest. Like you said, it won't fix all your problems but you can forget them for awhile.
tingling
tingling
Thankyou all for your insight. I agree, maybe a different counselor might give a better perspective to things. And I know my suicide would impact th kids horribly, but I feel so weak. I get stressed by little things such as getting the mail and opening it up. How am I supposed to continue on in life. I was not always like this but in the last few years I have gone from bad to worse. My husbands easy going attitude doesn't help it. While I will be freaking out over something (nsf fees) hewould have no concerns for it. It's good for him that care free attitude but it's devastating for me when I am all worked up and he doesn't seem to pay interest. It's snowing outside and our $1000 grill is still sitting in the backyard. Things like these remind me how incapable I am if doing stuff around that I want to. He's been gone for over two weeks now (his mom needed him out of country) and no emails or phone call. I feel I love him too much and am trying to drown those feelings bcoz it hurts. I tell myself it doesn't matter if he doesn't respond to my affection the way I expect him to. I try to 'wean' off him. He's a great father. Just not a responsive spouse.
Heidiclark
Heidiclark
You and your husband might want to look into couples counseling. Also take time for yourself away from family. Do you have friends you could get together with? Or maybe join a club or take up a new hobby. You need time for yourself, especially when you have kids to care for.
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