So, I guess life has led me to graduate school. I was avoiding it only because of the expense, but I do like learning, so I don't mind that part of it.  I had thought the certificate program that I completed was a waste, but without it I would not have been admitted to grad school because I needed the work references and my portfolio.  The bar was pretty high and I was not sure that I would be accepted, but I was. I was never much good at math, so I didn't think that I would be accepted and I have a liberal arts background.  The school is in the college of engineering.  If someone would have told me that I would have been accepted to the college of engineering five years ago, I really would have laughed, but here I am. I have to say I think I outdid myself.

Now, I am stressed. I need to figure out what I will do, how I will pay for it and if I will be staying at my current job. My current job is pretty awful.  If I can do something different I definitely will.  It's not the best environment but if I need to do it while attending school, then I guess that is what I would do.  I feel slightly overwhelmed.

The thing that is upsetting me and stressing me the most is that I am keeping the information to myself. I have, unfortunately so many negative people in my life that I would probably get rude comments or discouragement telling me not to go.  I actually managed to finish a bootcamp while I was out of work during the pandemic, while I was on pandemic unemployment, without telling any of my family. I just knew that they would be so negative toward me that I kept it to myself. It was just kind of sad having to not tell anyone. I texted a few friends and let them know. 

I decided that I wanted to go out to dinner because I was happy about it, I had a cheat day. I did go by myself, it was nice and relaxing and I figure that it's better to just enjoy it quietly than bring it up to the wrong people and have this massive argument and feel even worse about myself.  At least I am learning.  I know when I was really young and had a big accomplishment, I called home and my dad hung up the phone and basically told me to call him when I'm famous and not to bother him. TBH, that really sucked. At least I know what to expect. It was a little sad, though, I was wishing that I had a partner to take with me to dinner, how nice it would be to be dating and in a relationship again. It was a pleasant and quiet evening, both sunny and rainy at the same time; not chaotic and dysfuntctional, just lonesome.  I really wanted to tell another friend of mine, but tragically she is really young and just diagnosed breast cancer. Very devastating. I don't think she is going to be processing other people's news, just her own.