I get nervous around people. When Im at work I normally feel like I dont belong. It seems like my colleagues have grown up in good middle class families where they experienced no real hardship.

I cant be myself because if I told them the truth it would just further isolate me. I can visualize their faces contorting as I tell them my dad is a felon, my moms an alcoholic, and my siblings are near homeless. My past makes it hard for me to connect with people. I feel like an alien in foreign territory.

Do you feel the same way? Do you have trouble making new friends and feeling comfortable around others? If youre like me, you probably dont even feel like you belong around your old friends and family anymore because youve changed.

Just because youre not a typical bread and butter person, doesnt mean you are a social outcast. It just means that you have a broader life experience.
6 Strategies to Reduce Anxiety and Survive Socially

1. Realize You Arent There By Accident. If youve found yourself in a social situation, you are there for a reason. No matter how small the reason, the powers to be have placed you there. That means you are supposed to be there and you do belong.

2. Find Common Interests. Do you both like The Avengers? Do you both have dogs? Do you both hate the cold? Throw out a few testers and try to find something that you have in common. Even if your past is insanely different, it gives you a foundation to build upon.

3. Dont Write Off Their Problems. This can be a challenge especially when all they do is complain about trivial problems. Poor manicure service, McDonalds messing up their order, etc. While you must conceal your personal story of true suffering, realize that they really are in pain.

Sometimes I want to laugh about how ridiculous people are, but Ive learned to show respect. To judge others and compare their life to yours will only push you further away. Be concerned about the small problems and maybe theyll open up and share bigger issues that theyve been hiding.

4. Master Small Talk. I always crave a good deep conversation about the realities of life. However, most people feel uncomfortable discussing such matters. While small talk aggravates me, I have found it to be a precursor to conversations of substance.

5. Focus All Your Attention on Them. If you focus on the other people in the group it takes the pressure off you. The biggest mistake you can make is to think about yourself in these situations. Those thoughts are poisonous and will paralyze you.

See if you can guess the emotion they are feeling. Try to identify the motivation behind what they are telling you. Are they trying to open up to you? Convince you of their self-worth? Does awkward silence make them nervous? Whats the reason? Focus long enough and youll learn how to read their minds.

Dont worry about what they think about you, because the truth is they probably dont. Even if they do, they dont really know you so their opinion doesnt matter.

6. Care. If you ever want to get past the fake bullshit and actually bond with a person, you have to care. Most people could care less about others. It sucks but thats the society we live in. Practice being the 1 out of 10 people who actually do care about others.

The Dalai Lama advocates the benefits of compassion, even towards enemies. There is no better way to connect emotionally with someone than through compassion. Likewise, you can give no greater gift to someone than your undivided attention.

Ironically, the solution to surviving socially has nothing to do with how others treat you. Instead it has everything to do with how you choose to treat others and the situation. You have the power to make your social interactions enjoyable. Next time dont let fear flood your veins, instead let compassion fill your heart.

Sincerely,
Brock