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A shout out to all women who have estranged adult children.
I am and have been estranged from my adult daughter for the past 15 almost 16 years. The choice was hers not mine and I did everything everyone recommended from constantly reaching out to seeing a family therapist. You name it I did it. I have a granddaughter that was 6years old in June of this year that I have never seen. I have an old picture of her when she was three that my youngest son received from her father a few years ago. It is and will probably be the only thing I will ever have. At least I know what she looked like at that age and the mystery of wondering helped somewhat. Now my youngest son is doing the same thing his sister did after seeing what I went through and saying he would never do that has decided to follow in her footsteps. A baby boy was born to him and his wife in December of 2015 and they have been tormenting me with refusing to let me see him because I said something they didn't like. I questioned why they were putting him in daycare all day when my son unemployed was home all day and I would help take care of him while the mother worked. That was the end of me after much foul language on the phone and threats that I would not see him. They have kept their word and I cannot believe I am going through this again. I am trying to understand what I did wrong as a mother to have 2 adult children do this and they kept telling me that I was a terrible mother but was never specific about what I actually did. I have endured so much heartache, shame and confusion that I sometimes wonder how I still function as well as I do. From what I have read, this has become the silent epidemic and it is on the rise. I feel like such a freak and friends and family members who care about me feel such pity and fear that the same things might happen to them that it becomes the subject never talked about. I sometimes wish I could develope amnesia because it is all I think about every day. Shame and embarrasement have become my constant companion. I know what lies ahead and I dread each new day. Don't know if anyone has encountered a similar experience. If so I would like to hear from them.
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Here is my new brother, copper :) He's so tiny! Moo and Tuck were ok with him on first meeting. Rocket due to his severe aggression will never meet Cooper.
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https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTDeA9Wxg/
The above link is group on DS specifically supports parents with estranged children... I thought I would share it with you as there are others who have experienced what you are experiencing.. . ((hugs)) polar
I'm sorry this has happened to you. I think we are all bad parents, but there is a myth that there really are good parents out there. I've never endured what you have, my kids phone me all the time, and Skype with the grandkids. Nothing would hurt me more than to not see my grandkids ever.
I hope you do find the support you need here. And sorry again you have had to suffer this way.
I don't think that this is anything new. My ex's grandfather (now passed on) was one of 12 kids. One of his brothers left at age 18 (this would be about...90 years ago now) and never got in touch with any of the family ever again. Thing is...with that many kids, people didn't quite miss the one that left as much. Plus two of the other kids died young (age 2 and 4 of the flu). I'm sure that his parents missed him...but life was hard enough just to keep going. And the stigma kept people from talking about it so much.
From what little my ex's grandfather said, I know that his brother wasn't the only one that left without a trace. To this day, no one in the family knows if he ever married, had kids, where he's buried....none of it.
Have you ever thought of being a Big Brother/ Big Sister? I know it's not the same...but kids are kids.
Maybe because she found the links to the newly created off-ds groups she needed in the inactive groups and went there.
And maybe she hasn't responded YET because it's only been a day and things happen (like being signed out every couple of hours, not being able to sign back in [not unheard of on this site], and/or life in general).
It's possible that it's a fake post. If so, it won't be the first, or the last. But I've never seen DS do this.
***In the meantime, I treat ALL posts as though they're real. Some might feel like they're getting a good laugh on my behalf, but they're not. My behavior and words are about ME...not about anyone else.***
Much easier would be to delete the community groups that have left. Much easier would be software that would search out the names of the "tandems" sites just like they do for gofundme.
I feel for you guys, I do. But DS is a FREE site.
It's sort of like having great playground equipment in your backyard and allowing all of the neighborhood kids to come play. Eventually the house might get sold, and it's great that the new owners also let the kids come play, but getting upset because not all of the same amenities are still provided....is a bit much. (Something like that actually DID happen while I was growing up.) A sense of entitlement isn't anything new with this generation.
Last...ooo, how horrible. Jabber trashes everyone. And just wow, 15 bad review after 15k people (probably more) have passed through these doors... If that's not an endorsement, then I don't know what is!
So WELCOME ALL NEW MEMBERS, use this post as an example of just how FINE of a welcome you WILL get, and how KIND DS will be to those that disagree.
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/healthy-relationships
It IS active. It's not specific to estrangement, but has a variety of people with different experiences, and they're a good group of people.
Hugs, Patti
I have no idea what happened, just pointing out that it looks like a reply was removed!
The most common one is the ability to close a post. A closed post is still visible, but it can not be replied to. CLs typically do this when a post is obvious spam (usually somebody advertising their goods or services) or trollings (usually hateful words, for example people saying things like depression is God's way of punishing sinners). If a post is really bad we can report it. That seems to hide it from view under the new system. In the old system when we reported a post it stayed visible.
My loyalty is to the users, and the concept of DS being a forum for people to gather to discuss shared issues in a positive and supportive way. My personal code of conduct here has various parts. A couple of the main ones are that there is no such thing as a "one method fixes all" no matter what the issue. Another one is that people do not always tell their full story: they may not realize what their full story is, they may be embarrassed about aspects of the full story, or they may think that parts of the full story are either obvious or not relevant.
I do know that the group for parents of estranged adult children had huge problems and issues, but since I was not part of that group I do not know enough about it to have an informed opinion.
But this is a sidetrack to the intent of the post. I apologize for this tangent.
Sheesh people, some perspective on the situation, please. This is warped.