Crohn's Disease & Ulcerative Colitis Support Group

Crohn's disease is a systemic inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) of unknown cause, that results in chronic inflammation of the intestinal tract. It can affect the entire gastrointestinal tract from mouth to anus, and can also cause complications outside of the gastrointestinal tract. There is no known medical or surgical cure for Crohn's disease, but there are many medical...

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ShannonA 08/10/2010

I am curious about the effect of having UC on someone's mental state. My mother in law has had UC for quite some time now, sometimes she is just fine, real nice and chipper one minute, and the next she's crazier than a crack house rat, snapping at people being real hateful and ugly, picking fights, so to speak, and finding anything,it seems, to hatefully complain about. I know that chronic illness affects people mentally. I have my own chronic illness to deal with, but I try real hard not to be ugly, sometimes to the point of almost biting my tounge off, but that is just me...I don't think it fair to take out my displeasure with life on others and sometimes will go to extreme lengths to make sure I am not short with my family and loved ones. That said I will say I have my days where I am not perfect. I had a great uncle who was nuttier than a squirrel turd and he had Crohn's and I know that they are similar/same. I also have an aunt who has Crohn's and she is a little loopy at times, but nothing like my mother in law.
I have been told by a lot of people here and there that this UC/Crohn's will drive some people crazy, almost like they have bi-polar disorder. I just want to know. I try to chalk up her hatefulness and how she stirs up discord and chaos as her not feeling well, but I swear sometimes I get a little voice in my head telling me that it is not all to do with her UC that she is truly just a hateful, hurtful person who HAPPENS to have UC. I mean the slightest thing can set her off sometimes. One day she can come in and see dirty dishes and not bat an eye, and some days everything can be clean and she zeros in on the one mustard stain on a towel in the kitchen and you would think that Satan himself had come to town.
She runs behind everyone trying to find, it seems, something we have done wrong or something to criticize us for. Everything from what our kids wear, eat, what activities (or lack thereof) their into, how to raise them discipline wise ect. She has been caught going through our personal things in our rooms, has gotten mad when an argument didn't go her way and called CPS on us numerous times, all because she got shot down in an argument trying to talk mad smack about me and my husband. Sorry this is so long....I REALLY just want to know if she is like this due to her UC or if I shouldn't be so quick to dismiss it as just her UC flaring. I know a few people with it, and they seem really well adjusted although depressed and anxious at times. Also she tried to tell us, her family, that the "doctor told her" that we are the cause of her UC...I'm not sure how that works, but I didn't know someone could cause another person to get a chronic illness short of stuff like PTSD and anxiety and that sort of stuff, or like giving someone an STD, you know something like that. Thanks to any and all who might be able to shed a little light on this for me..I really am quite confused and I hate to make a judgment on someone, no matter how hateful they can be, until I have more info.

deleted_user 08/12/2010

That's a great quote for that piccie! Have to say, I used to be quite ladylike, but since struggling with UC, I have been caught doing all those things in public and I still bitch and blow up! ;) And sorry, maybe I'm speaking outta turn here, but sounds like you do everything to make sure she's as well as can be, but maybe it's time to look after yours and your children's needs. I specialize in ADHD and autism and I know these kids need routine, structure and as calm an environment as possible. Your son does not need to hear her saying 'beat him!'. Your children have only one childhood and then their wholes lives ahead of them. It's their needs which have to come first. She's the adult after all! I would def suggest some counselling for her, but also for all of you, maybe even some family therapy? If nothing else it will help you cope with the stress. Take care and praying for a miracle for all of you. xx

ShannonA 09/20/2010

Sorry took me so long but..Thank you to you all for your advice. She is well past menopause. We have couselors coming out for both of our kids that specialize in each ones respective stuff. we also have family couseling with the 4 of us, but she absolutely refuses to join in, even after the couselors have asked her to join us as well as us asking her, she doesn't see anything wrong with her behavior, or the choices she chooses to make when interacting with all of us. Even the counselor's have told us bascially that she is off her rocker. That kinda did it for me, I mean all this time the very few friends that we do have, have been telling us this stuff for the longest time, but I always chalked it up to them being our friends and wanting to be supportive when we would bend their ears. I've just decided that she is going to be who she is, and I'm just going to have to be me. I just have to make sure that when she goes off I let the kids know that her behavior is unacceptable and that people don't treat each other this way. I just refuse to stoop to her levels and act childishly or act uncaring, and I've found that that irritates her more than getting an ugly backlash back from me. It just fuels her to continue to be ugly, but I just reciprocate with kindess and gentleness..I really don't know any other way to be now. I prayed about it long and hard as to how to deal with her. Someone told me, "Shannon, she is a sick person. Treat her like you would someone who is sick. Your a very caring person, if you saw someone who was sick, even if they were a stranger would you be unkind to them?" Of course I wouldn't. Every time me and her have gotten into something, I have always felt bad about it and completely miserable because I did not like the way I reacted to her. So I can't fix her, but I can change my responses to her when she is ugly. But, with that said, should she decide to be ugly to my son, she is in for it. She seems to never gripe at my daughter, but then again, my daughter, even with her Asperger's, has kinda figured her nana out. She has gotten the grasp, thank the lord, that the sun don't rise and set in nana's butt, and that everything that falls from her mouth isn't golden and the last word. She has also hit 13, and you all know how teenagers can be..lol..Our son is still young enough for her behavior to have serious impacts on him, so hubby, me and the counselors have stepped up our efforts with him. He has individual sessions 3-4 times a week, inhome, and it has helped some. Thanks again so much everyone. I so very much wanted to blame her "evilness" as my son puts it on her UC, I still think it has some to do with it. She's on Asacol every now and then, once in a blue moon takes steriods, but other than that is untreated. Cost is her #1 reasoning, even though she has insurance that even covers meds, makes pretty decent money as a hairdresser (her and 3 other people went into buisness together)...but then again she claims $ as reasons for lots of stuff...You know the types...cries broke all the time, but you constantly see stuff from QVC and HomeShopping Network coming into the house..not that I care what she has(IMHO I think that 98% of the stuff she owns is just tacky tacky and just junk to "keep up with the Joneses"), just don't naw my ear off telling me how broke you are and then order half the shopping networks do dads...lol
Anyhow, I'm rambling now..lol..I'll stop...and thanks again guys..you don't know how much I try appreciate it!
Wishing you all a blessed,pain free,day!

ShannonA 09/20/2010

LOL that was SUPPOSED to be TRULY...;p

deleted_user 09/20/2010

There is a support group in Daily Strength especially for discussing family problems:

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Family-Issues/support-group

You might find some people having similar problems that can give you advice there. Personally I say, if there is something about your life you don't like, start taking steps to change it.

ShannonA 09/20/2010

Thanks bifocaled, I am a member of the family issues board, but I was trying to find out if her UC was a cause of her behavior. So I figured best to ask those who know best. I have changed myself, at least the way I react to her now. LIke i said I can't change her, but I CAN change the way I react to her behaviors.
I realize some of it MIGHT be attributed to her UC, but not all of it. I did post to the family issues board, but I didn't get much help, not that they didn't try mind you, since most who posted weren't familiar with how UC affects people.
Thanks again everyone!

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