Crohn's Disease & Ulcerative Colitis Support Group
Crohn's disease is a systemic inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) of unknown cause, that results in chronic inflammation of the intestinal tract. It can affect the entire gastrointestinal tract from mouth to anus, and can also cause complications outside of the gastrointestinal tract. There is no known medical or surgical cure for Crohn's disease, but there are many medical...
I am curious about the effect of having UC on someone's mental state. My mother in law has had UC for quite some time now, sometimes she is just fine, real nice and chipper one minute, and the next she's crazier than a crack house rat, snapping at people being real hateful and ugly, picking fights, so to speak, and finding anything,it seems, to hatefully complain about. I know that chronic illness affects people mentally. I have my own chronic illness to deal with, but I try real hard not to be ugly, sometimes to the point of almost biting my tounge off, but that is just me...I don't think it fair to take out my displeasure with life on others and sometimes will go to extreme lengths to make sure I am not short with my family and loved ones. That said I will say I have my days where I am not perfect. I had a great uncle who was nuttier than a squirrel turd and he had Crohn's and I know that they are similar/same. I also have an aunt who has Crohn's and she is a little loopy at times, but nothing like my mother in law.
I have been told by a lot of people here and there that this UC/Crohn's will drive some people crazy, almost like they have bi-polar disorder. I just want to know. I try to chalk up her hatefulness and how she stirs up discord and chaos as her not feeling well, but I swear sometimes I get a little voice in my head telling me that it is not all to do with her UC that she is truly just a hateful, hurtful person who HAPPENS to have UC. I mean the slightest thing can set her off sometimes. One day she can come in and see dirty dishes and not bat an eye, and some days everything can be clean and she zeros in on the one mustard stain on a towel in the kitchen and you would think that Satan himself had come to town.
She runs behind everyone trying to find, it seems, something we have done wrong or something to criticize us for. Everything from what our kids wear, eat, what activities (or lack thereof) their into, how to raise them discipline wise ect. She has been caught going through our personal things in our rooms, has gotten mad when an argument didn't go her way and called CPS on us numerous times, all because she got shot down in an argument trying to talk mad smack about me and my husband. Sorry this is so long....I REALLY just want to know if she is like this due to her UC or if I shouldn't be so quick to dismiss it as just her UC flaring. I know a few people with it, and they seem really well adjusted although depressed and anxious at times. Also she tried to tell us, her family, that the "doctor told her" that we are the cause of her UC...I'm not sure how that works, but I didn't know someone could cause another person to get a chronic illness short of stuff like PTSD and anxiety and that sort of stuff, or like giving someone an STD, you know something like that. Thanks to any and all who might be able to shed a little light on this for me..I really am quite confused and I hate to make a judgment on someone, no matter how hateful they can be, until I have more info.
I have been told by a lot of people here and there that this UC/Crohn's will drive some people crazy, almost like they have bi-polar disorder. I just want to know. I try to chalk up her hatefulness and how she stirs up discord and chaos as her not feeling well, but I swear sometimes I get a little voice in my head telling me that it is not all to do with her UC that she is truly just a hateful, hurtful person who HAPPENS to have UC. I mean the slightest thing can set her off sometimes. One day she can come in and see dirty dishes and not bat an eye, and some days everything can be clean and she zeros in on the one mustard stain on a towel in the kitchen and you would think that Satan himself had come to town.
She runs behind everyone trying to find, it seems, something we have done wrong or something to criticize us for. Everything from what our kids wear, eat, what activities (or lack thereof) their into, how to raise them discipline wise ect. She has been caught going through our personal things in our rooms, has gotten mad when an argument didn't go her way and called CPS on us numerous times, all because she got shot down in an argument trying to talk mad smack about me and my husband. Sorry this is so long....I REALLY just want to know if she is like this due to her UC or if I shouldn't be so quick to dismiss it as just her UC flaring. I know a few people with it, and they seem really well adjusted although depressed and anxious at times. Also she tried to tell us, her family, that the "doctor told her" that we are the cause of her UC...I'm not sure how that works, but I didn't know someone could cause another person to get a chronic illness short of stuff like PTSD and anxiety and that sort of stuff, or like giving someone an STD, you know something like that. Thanks to any and all who might be able to shed a little light on this for me..I really am quite confused and I hate to make a judgment on someone, no matter how hateful they can be, until I have more info.
My advise which I happily dispense for free is simple STOP LIVING WITH YOUR MOTHE- IN-LAW. Unless of course you enjoy all of the drama that this situation brings to your life. Especially opening your front door to find a CPS worker there that was called there by your mother-in-law. I'm sure your children are thriving in this environment.
There are crazy people who develop physical disease and people with physical diseases that develop a bad case of the crazies.
I don't think you can blame this on physical or mental issues although they are both intertwined with the real issue which is environmental.
Long story short, the environment that your mother-in-law lives in contributes greatly to the uc symptoms and any mental health issues she has.
Move out or if she lives with you, boot her out and give her a kitten for a oet. Then you can call the SPCA on her.
(sigh)
But think you've gotta step outside of the UC. The truth is, for whatever reasons, you all living together isn't working, not for you, not for her and not for the children. I hate to think what it's doing to your marriage. Time to say farewell. You might find you get on better when she's on her own turf.
And use this place to off load. There's some really lovely caring people with brilliant advice and always a friendly ear. Don't carry this on your own, or it'll be you going down with a stress related illness!
x
If there is only one bathroom your mother-in-law MUST have first call on it. If there is more than one then designate one hers ONLY and forbid anyone else to use it. That might help. When we have to go, WE HAVE TO GO! It is a horrible feeling to need to go the bathroom only to find someone there who expects me to wait, and I can't. When my son lived with us for a brief time this was our solution, Mama's Room.
I noticed no one has addressed directly how other people can "cause" another's health problems. You are not "causing" it but your situation is affecting it. Stress is a major issue when flares occur. The nerve endings in the colon are inflamed (on edge I call it) which affects the rest of the body. Makes us irritable, to say the least.
And I want to say a word about the dish towel incident, having had a similar one here at home. I have "every day" dish towels and a couple of "company" ones. I splurged and bought a couple of really nice (read expensive) towels to hang up for decoration. My beloved used one to mop up coffee and I went ballistic. Sometimes we just try to have nice things and don't have money to replace them when they are ruined/stained and it hurts. It is more upsetting when you are hurting physically and feel the world is turning against you anyway.
Hope this helps a little.
Some people are just horrors and think that they can hide behind an illness for an excuse to say or do whatever they please!
Lets face it guys, we sometimes feel like enough is enough, sometimes we will have to wait to use the loo, sometimes its us cooking, cleaning, driving to pick up or drop off something as a favour when we "REALLY" dont feel well enough too but we dust ourselves off and get on with it, gritted teeth and all but never is my severe crohns a good enough excuse to slam someone else down, to break them down or their family/kids!
Ann - i like how you put it "There are crazy people who develop physical disease and people with physical diseases that develop a bad case of the crazies."
Shannon you have not created this, you have not added to her UC, by the sounds of it she will do bad to herself all by herself.
Like all have said - moving out will do you all the world of good and hopefully will build your relationship instead of staying and seeing it be torn apart.
I think everyone has forgotten that Shannon herself has a cronic illness, so this stress cant be doing you any good. But what i would like to note is your mother in law has no consideration for your health but wants the world to stop spinning for hers - self people breed hate.
Shannon dont feel bad, find a solution to this problem and move on, re-develop your relationships and happy days to all.
Note to all - cronic illness does not give us free rein to be arse-holes!
Peace!x
I have HS, Hidranitis Suppurativa, it is an immune disorder that causes large abcesses to form in my armpits,and groin, although ther are others who get them across their backs, legs, abdomen, it really is a horrible condition, but I refuse to let it beat me, even when I have one that is the size of half a softball, I suck it up, try hard not to snap at family and friends, and that is hard sometimes.
She has her own bedroom with her own personal bathroom, so facilities are not an issue.
Believe me guys and gals, the very SECOND we can move out, we'll be gone so fast it'll make your head spin...lol..
I have found it odd over the years that people we are friends with tell us that she is over the top with her actions and reactions, so I'm not really suprised that I am being told the same here. And I promise that I am not blowing how she is out of proportion. As far as the towel incident, it was not a "good" towel, it was an old one that was already stained with hair color (she is a hair dresser with her own shop) but still useable.
It's not good for the kids, this we realize. But she has never been fair regarding our children. We have a daughter who is 13 and a son who is 9. She is absolutely fine with whatever our daughter wants to do, but let our son step out of line then she jumps in like he just bombed a school building or something. But she is like that with all guys, like all men are evil (no she's not lesbian or anything like that) and that all men are beneath women. She shows obvious favoritism towards our daughter, and that is just wrong. Both of our kids are special needs, our daughter is autistic and our son has ADHD/ODD and spanking does neither any good, so we stopped a long time ago, but she still insists when our son misbehaves (whether it is something within his realm to control or not) that we spank him, or as she puts it yelling from her room "Don't let him get by with that, beat him, beat him."
We try really hard not to give her anything to stress about, the house is clean, meals are ready when she comes in from work, we try to keep the kids quiet when we know she's resting or not feeling well. Like I said before, I have an aunt who has Crohn's, so I have a decent idea of how bad it can be and can get, so I try extra hard to make things as easy as possible for her.
And Chris Cartwright..thanks for the compliment on the profile pic, I chose it because it says (didn't show up in pic though) ,something like, Women do not burp,fart,or scratch ourselves in public, therefore we must b*tch or blow up!
Thanks again so much for the advice. I love her despite her nastyness, I still have hopes that she can get better and be more normal, but until she gets her UC under some sort of control, I don't see it happening anytime soon. Although I am getting pamphlets and info on UC for her and trying to get her to look at options/meds she may not have tried yet. Thanks again everyone!
She does should like a piece of work! Good luch with her!
Just a thought...