Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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Vicious circles

michellebrand
michellebrand

So It starts with a feeling, not sure what it is but I react. I say something smart-ass because I don't know how to communicate with him. He immediately gets defensive. Reacts himself with hurtful words. Because I feel pain I react hurtful as well. I walk away and try to over analyze why I acted the way that I acted in the first place and why my mind can't let me communicate the way that I need to communicate. By now I'm crying and isolating. I try to read or watch TV but I can't get my mind to leave it alone. I start thinking about how messed up my head really is. I start psychoanalyzing myself reading way into too many things. Pretty soon I'm texting him and apologizing. Next I'm praising him and thanking him for staying with me for so long knowing how f***** up and crazy I am.... the circle happens again and again and again and again. I have nobody to talk to about this because I don't know where to begin. I have family and friends that love me and I know that they would hate that I sit here and suffer and isolation but I'm afraid I'm going to sound crazy I don't understand why I'm like this and I wish it would just go away. 

RJW
RJW
Thank you for sharing. I have seen this pattern first hand. My brother got into an abusive relationship with his wife. He is manic depressive to near bipolar. She would abuse him, even dared him to kill himself when he was suicidal. We would have to move him out, then he would always want to go back. This happened many times. Got to be faster at moving things, which is the only positive. He had to separate himself from her and made something in his mind that was a last straw. It was that if she ever cheated on him. She finally admitted to cheating on him more than once. I think it is about making that last straw and seeing it through. It is an addiction or an obsession. Those need help, because by definition it is when we can't control our actions. No shame in getting helped. A trained therapist or counselor can help, but sometimes it is about finding the perfect fit. Just know that you are worth finding the right guy for you, who respects you and treats you as such. I hope this was of any help. Thank you and God Bless.
michellebrand
michellebrand
Oh gosh... So smart.. Love the input!!
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
If you two can discuss your problems with Love and compassion and empathy, instead of hate and resentment, you will be amazed at how far that will get you!

It always comes from a lack of self love, from feelings of inadequacy. I don't know your whole story but it sounds quite common. couples tend to build a trap they have a hard time getting out of. This leads to alot of divorces.
Sorry I can't be more inspiring

God Bless
michellebrand
michellebrand
Absolutely the problem is communication - He is extremely defensive and is "so sick of hearing it" over and over - I try to explain that if there is no resolution then the thought stays in my head I just push it away for now but it will always creep back in - I actually try to get him to just leave.. like it would be so much easier for me if HE would cheat... like I am used to disappointments - I can turn love off like a light switch - but he keeps me tied to him with nice words, or cuddles, or sex... I wish we could stop this "dance" - I wish we could talk...
Csh425
Csh425
I literally just found this website a few minutes ago because I'm experiencing something similar, maybe even worse, and I guess I was searching for maybe someone else that was going through the same thing so I wouldn't think I was totally crazy or at least not alone and crazy
Csh425
Csh425
Well it cut about 50% of what I said off haha but basically I'm going through something similar if not worse and it's nice to know I'm not alone hang in there I hope it gets better for you
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