Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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So lost....

Tegan05
Tegan05

Long story short, my boyfriend of almost 4 years is an addict.  He just got out of rehab for the third time since we've been together.  


He's been back for a week and Friday he took his car (with my books and my daughters car seat) and hasnt been back since.  Wont answer my phone calls or texts.  


I know eventually he'll be back and be "so sorry ".  But where do I draw the line?  When is it being supportive of someone struggling with addiction and when is it me just being codependent on someone who makes me feel special and loved when he's sober, but like I'm disposable and being used when he takes off to do... well, it makes me sick to think of what he could be doing. 


I cant sleep well.  I cant eat.   Im crying all the time.  What do i do? 

Tegan05
Tegan05
Thank you. Did you end up staying together in the end?
Or did you end up having to let go?
Its hard knowing what appropriate boundaries to se while still being loving and supportive.
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
You can learn what works for others who are in your shoes, by attending alanon meetings or nar anon if there are any in your area.

I can understand what you are saying. You want to be supportive but not an enabler and how can you tell what the difference is? It's hard. I have been clean for over 10 years only because I never ever want to put my family through hell again. Sounds like your boyfriend doesn't see it that way. Maybe he hasn't hit his low yet like I did when I lost everything, my wife, my job, my self respect.....pretty much everything that meant anything to me was gone and I had no place to go but detox and that was the first day of the rest of my life.

We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.

God Bless
Tegan05
Tegan05
Thank you. He just got out of sober living after doing inpatient treatment. He wasn't out a week before he relapsed.
I don't think he wants to live this way.. he just hasn't hit the point of no return, like you said.
congratulations on being sober for so long. I know that's no easy task.
Any prayers are appreciated. We need all the help we can get. Thank you.
michellebrand
michellebrand
I used to run a sober living home.. Had my car "stolen" numerous times... I married a meth addict, he stole my car when I was pregnant... Relapsed over and over... Took money, my kids toys, televisions... He eventually died. It wasn't until after his death that I learned about my codependency. I am barely awake, but understanding this is the first step. The narcanon, alanon, coda, or aca are all great resources. For your own sanity sweety go to a meeting... Even just to be in a room filled with people that have done all the same enabling habits.. They love you and will help you change. All the
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