Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
My story/situation is embarrassing and I'm deeply ashamed. I have never spoken a word of this ridiculous nonsense except to my ex's mother whom I am extremely close with. A little background, I'm 46 yrs old, my parents divorced when I was young, my dad wasn't around a lot, I always had a weight problem and low self-esteem. I had a baby about 15 yrs ago with a guy I was with, we lived together but broke up 11 years ago due to his drinking and long hours at work. I had weight-loss surgery and lost a lot of weight. I look pretty good, no loose skin, etc. After that I dated around, one night stands, another boyfriend and then I met Bobby. I was on Plenty of Fish and came across his photo. He was extremely handsome, nine years younger than me but lived close so I messaged him. We talked back and forth for a week by text, I would hear from him and then I wouldn't hear from him, I was thinking OK well he is probably talking to other girls. So finally I said to him are we going to meet and he said sure but he was low on cash due to paying child support. I didn't mind, he was cute, I was lonely and desperately looking for someone to fill the void in my life. We met, had a few drinks, talked and it was good. We kissed once and I went home. As soon as I got home, I received a few texts from him saying he was into me and wanted to see me again. Ever since August 16, 2017 we were together up until a couple of weeks ago. Two weeks ago I found out he went to the movies with his friends and I sent him several nasty texts saying I am not a priority in his life, he is a coward and should just break up with me, he treats me like shit, he is not sexually attracted to me and he should go back to the loser chick he cheated on me with more than once. He responded back by text that he needs to time be alone and he doesn't want to string me along because he knows I am not happy. He told me he would call me later, but never did. It's been 2 weeks since I have heard from him, I have called him about 5 times and texted him about 10 times telling him I am sorry and I love him. No response. I'm psycho right? Not so fast. Bobby is a crystal meth and heroin addict, currently clean for a year and on methadone. Within two weeks of meeting him he admitted he was an addict and was currently taking time off of work/school (plumbing apprenticeship) to get into rehab (again). Any other normal woman with zero drug/alcohol use would of ran away and changed her name and number. Nope, not me. Went into the relationship full force and everything that came with it. Doing drugs in front of me, giving him money for drugs, lying for him and making excuses for him. All that on top of him lying and cheating on me. He was on numerous dating sites, talking to tons of other women online and also ones he knew in real life. I don't know know how many times Bobby cheated on me or with how many women. I stopped looking at his iPad because every time I did there would be messages from other women and porn on it. I battled with a girl for about a year on and off from his past that he was seeing and texting behind my back the whole first year we were together. She claimed to be pregnant by Bobby but ended up she had said that many other times to keep him. Bobby and I have only had sex about 4-5 times in the past 2 1/2 years and those few times is when he was high on crystal meth. Bobby blames drugs for his unfaithfulness and also blames lack of affection and sex on methadone. Why did I stay? I stayed because he told me he loved me everyday, wanted me to be at his house everyday, he was super good with my teenage son and I just wanted to be around him. I have spent thousands of dollars on Bobby, I have given him everything possible. I have been his rock, never wavering. I grew extremely close to his parents (he lives downstairs from them in an in-law unit), his two children, his extended family, went on numerous family vacations, weddings, you name it. Even his mother has told me numerous times to run, I deserve way more than Bobby can ever give. I have hardly slept or eaten for the past two weeks, I am unable to concentrate at work and super snappy at my son. I am heart is broken, constant pit in my stomach and crying all the time. I have been looking at my phone non-stop. What is wrong with me? I feel so rejected, how could he do this to me out of all people? I have done so much and dealt with so much for him. How could he just ignore me and go about his days knowing how heart broken I am?
Thank you for reading,
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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It's been some time since my last post...sorry. I've been going through a challenging time with the sale of my home, purchase of a condo and my adult asperger son that lives with me. I've had days where I couldn't get out of bed, days where I stayed in my pj's and days where all I managed to do was eat, drink fluids and take care of my Sweet Mia kitty. Sweet Mia came to me from a shelter about...
Life is all about lessons. If you have any belief in a God or a Higher Power, ask Him or Her. You will get an answer. You will be surprised but you will get an answer.
God Bless
Plenty of Fish 'means just that', and he wants his fix in all areas of his life. Your post, you chose to write in codependency rather than in relationships, so you are ahead in the knowledge area of a need to let go, knowing the relationship is codependent, Awareness is a positive step, another Huge Positive step is in writing your story, I'm thinking you 'might' be feeling some shame, there is No Need. We are all human and have human wants and needs...I'll be the first to say I've done some really stupid and hurtful things to myself and to others because I've believed I 'could fix', change, read minds, and help in so many different ways, Not Mind To Sort Or Fix.
What is, Your Sort To Fix? Facing the facts that you are a person of worth, you are a Mother, a responsible person who works....please note I wrote you are a person of worth first. Endings are just plain Hard. If he is a drug addict, he doesn't want to deal with you or your emotions, do you really believe he would or will care? Time to think about caring about yourself and your emotions, only you can change you.
Groups To attend. It definitely helped
Me find myself. Sometimes when on
Bottom there is one way and that Is
up.
Nothing you have said is surprising.
Its the road with active addicts and
We can get just as sick trying to fix
Them and their world.
We need to fix us not them. Often
We come from what we find in a
Relationship then on and on goes
The cycle.
Many times our stuff comes from our
Upbringing and How we view ourselves,
Others And the world around us.
There is always Melodie Beattie's
Books codependent no more or
The new codependency to read.
There Are plenty of good authors
and Stuff To watch on youtube if
You are interested.
In recovery there is a lot of grief,
Coming out of denial, facing our
Selves and our truths. Fear holds
Many back from starting recovery,
hugs and welcome to our group
To watch. She has tons of free videos.
She is a good and easy one for
codependency Issues and she Has
books and other media for sale.
Darlene Lancer is another good One,
She has write ups online. Ross Rosenberg
Has some youtube videos and books.
Have you done any counseling or
Codependency inner work on your
Self? It takes time to get in there
Deep enough to effect real change
And growth. Its about reparenting
And retraining ourselves too.
Addiction relationships get very
twisted up and so don’t we when
We are In them. If we were really
Okay we would Not have found/
Connected up With them in the
first place. We often find someone
on the same Level of dysfunction
as we are at.
There are a lot of basics to learn.
Alanon gave me the tools i needed
To help myself get better, stronger
And to heal myself. Therapy helps
A lot too, HUGS
He was sweet, he rarely said a mean word to me. Told me I was beautiful every chance he could, but then he would disappear. Say he was "taking a nap" and for hours no answer. He would lie and I would find out, which made me just search and search for more evidence that I should leave him. We would fight and I would say I was leaving, only to beg him to take ME back after a day or two.
I kept going to meetings, kept going to therapy and although it wasn't right away, I got the courage to leave. He tried reaching out to me and say he missed me, but I was over it.
The beginning is always so hard when you know you've had enough, but know your worth. Know you deserve all love, be kind, you will find your path, whatever that path looks like.