Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
2014 I left my addict boyfriend for the last time. I had been completely in love, thought I could change him. He swore he would stop using. I went to meetings and in those meetings, and therapy, I started to make boundaries I had never made.
It was so hard in the beginning, I wasn't gentle with myself and I would make this very important boundaries about my worth, like "if you lie I'm leaving because I deserver open and honest." he would lie, and I would go back EVERY.TIME.
When I finally said that I had to end the relationship, he did they typical pointing the finger at me. He told me I wasn't giving our relationship a chance. He got mad, he got sad, but I left. I felt like I could do ANYTHING. It was so powerful. I felt mentally the healthiest I had ever felt. I wasn't sure what the future held, but I knew I had to continue to focus on my mental health.
8 months after the breakup, I met this guy who was so handsome. He was one of the best looking people I had ever dated, I couldn't believe he liked me and very early into the relationship, I found out he was on a dating app. We talked about it, I asked him if that's what he wanted to do, then I would just continue being single. He took some time to think about it and after a week said he really wanted to see if we could continue. Suddenly I went RIGHT BACK, all the steps forward, gone. I went back to someone who CLEARLY had no intention of being who I needed him to be. I always felt like I had to prove myself because I thought he was better than me.
We dated for almost a year and I ended that, again I felt strong, but then I had a series of emotionaless interations and somehow made myself feel like I was in a good place, which I'm starting to feel I didn't keep my mental health in check.
Fast forward, I met the person I'm dating now. Together a couple years. We've had ups and downs. Nothing like I've been in before. He is a wonderful person. He was married for a long time, has kids and mixed with my one child, it was as if together, we would make the dream team. But his past will creep back in, whether by mentions or pictures or whatever the case and I get so upset. We will argue about everyday things and I take what he says personally, I'll cry, not speak. I don't know if it's because my wounded past of not feeling good enough creeps back in or what. It's embarassing to not feel in control.
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
I tried for years to make my spouse happy but I came to the conclusion that it just wasn't possible because it was always something and that something was usually a lack of money despite working two jobs and her working one job with good pay,..... which never seemed to be enough..
I figured if I made myself happy then I would never have to depend on another person to supply that to me.. Once divorced, everything changed for the better.
Although I live alone, I am happy beyond my wildest dreams. Maybe someday I will share it with someone but if I can't find someone who will love unconditionally like me,.....then that's ok too :)
God Bless
Anymore maybe its a good time to Return.
I plan to always go. I need It even if its only
to give back what i Have received.
We are usually not cured of our codependency
or our inner wounded child/adult child issues.
Awareness of Them Does help. And also To keep
working on ourselves. I had Huge abandonment
Issues after my Marriage broke up.
I hope my Next relationship will go smoothly
And well. I have taken a lot Of downtime to
work on me. I hope To Find a healthy partner
when i am ready and healed up enough to do
So, Hugs and welcome to our group.
I am finding my old wounds are still there. This forum helped me tremendously when I was first starting my healing journey. I got cocky, stopped going to meetings, stopped reading. I could feel my thoughts turning on themselves last night and I was so upset. Thankful to be back. Thank you for your words @Mirandac @bobinmaine
And family too much i could Feel the
Pull to get right Back into it. Those old
thought Patterns would Appear. And i
could feel the negativity Wanting to
Pull me in.
Not so much now at this point in my
Recovery yet i can get Unsettled and
uncentered being around Them. I do
know, i can get back feeling Spiritual.
It can be a fight and journey. It feels so
good When i am in a spiritual place. Its
like i have A God shield on and it surrounds
Me.
I would love to get married again. I know
there is hope and many before me Have
found A good healthy relationship After
doing the hard work on themselves. We
Attract people on the same level we are
At. I don't want anymore bad boys :))
I come from abuse, addiction, dysfunction,
Codependency and narcissism. And I now
Go to CODA, ACOA, alanon, church and
Therapy. Whatever It takes to help me and
heal me.
All of this stuff is so deep and its hard to
get At. I am Glad you are receptive. I Try
To use My tools most of the time now. I
Can slip and slide and Still get triggered,
Hugs
It began a foundation I will work forever to recover from. I am okay being alone, I think with the awareness comes peace. I will never go wrong with the tools I gave myself that I have been ignoring.