Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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I learned something

michellebrand
michellebrand

I had an aha! moment I want to share.


I am well aware that I am at fault in my relationship as much as he is for all the toxicity we allowed to enter our home. Our arguments have been heated, passionate,  and down right nasty! But since I woke up to the realization that I am severly codependant and controling and manipulative I am trying to calm this down. The way I do this is by changing my reactions.. I may still get quick to anger but I am not reciprocating the toxic verbal abuse. 


He had some bad news Thursday and I started to get tense with anxiety the more agitated he got... This ended up in fight (like always) on Thursday night... on Friday I was still hurt.. but quiet. He left for work again and the bad news kept coming... This time I was ready for it.... I stood up to him and calmly explkained that we cannot talk to eachother like this anymore... I explained that we both have teenage daughters that are witnessing this abusive behavior and if his daughters boyfriend told her to "Shut the Fuck Up" he would probably kick him out of the house.  


The aha moment came next: He deflected this by pointing out that her mother is dating a loser and this is what she is used to.... He refused to look at himself, he would neither agree nor disagree that the way he speaks to me is wrong. 


I don't know what I can do with this new found dirt... but I hope I can learn to recognize more and more his refusal to change... and see how I am worthy of more!

Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
When faced with a confrontation, I always ask myself, "Do I want to be right, or do I want peace"? I always choose peace and in doing so, I just walk away from anyone who wants to argue with me. Practicing unconditional love has brought rewards and miracles to me, too numerous to list, and it starts with accepting myself and loving myself unconditionally, first. When I did that, I was able to extend that Love to others. Not bragging but when I walk into a room, people see that love in my heart, they see that aura of love and compassion and they look and smile at me! We get back what we project. If we are angry people then we always get that back in return!

There is a prayer I say for letting go of guilt caused by negative judgments and it always works for me. I have never seen a time when it didn't! It can be said to Jesus, or to the Holy Spirit or to anything that is Not our ego!

"Take this from me and look upon it, judging it for me.
Let me not see it as a sign of sin and death, nor use it for destruction.
Teach me how NOT to make it an obstacle to peace,
But let YOU use it for me, to facilitate, it's coming."

Good luck and God Bless
reddheart27
reddheart27
I’m so happy you a self understanding moment and took the step to change how you’ve been reacting. I’ve been struggling with codependency for years and it’s so scary when we look into the relationships we are drawn to. Identifying the problem and making the first step to fix it is so important. Remember you are human things will not change overnight but baby steps and having an understanding of why you are wanting to react differently and knowing there will be a better reward in the end is the most important! You are doing amazing very proud of you. ♡
michellebrand
michellebrand
Thank you!
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