So it's 2022, and there have been a few things that have hung on in my life for too long-ok all kinds of things.  I have cleaned house a few times in my life before, and it is really overdue again. In 2021 I did a lot of distancing, and this year I will be doing more, and some severing too.

I have to put limits on a lot of people. It's gotten to a point where I am not sure some relationships are sustainable.  Even the limited time that I spend with some people is just beyond overwhelming. I've reduced day-long hangouts to just evenings or afternoons, and even that has gotten to be too much.

I went to the movies with a friend this week, I was SO excited about The Matrix (she hated it). The movies are a  pretty good choice because there is really not much talking in a movie.    We get to the end and I asked, "How was your Christmas?"  I was sorry I asked. The first thing out of her mouth was "Terrible."  I listened for 45 minutes about this horrible fight she had with one of her relatives.  It just blows me away the amount of conflict that she gets into with people. I've completely stopped inviting her to social events-I do those on my own. She went on for a very long time about this argument and all the horrific things that have happned in her family.  I actually lost track. And then she was talking about a family member who commited suicide.  I was really in shock and totally overwhelmed. Pretty much all of our hangouts are like this. The next morning I woke up with this "hungover" feeling.  It was actually hard to put myself into a positive headspace and get things done. We have group hangouts scheduled for the next two weeks and I don't want to go. 

This year after quarantine lifted, I started getting out and meeting some new people. That was not much better. The group that I attended just really fell apart and there was a lot of conflict.  I sort of kept in touch with the leader of the group, and we met for dinner. I sat down and the first thing he does is tell me all about all about his suicidal depression. Like barely even hello.  I'm thinking, "Really?" This was just a simple social hangout.

I think because I've dealt with mental illness myself, I know too well first hand the dangers of having a mental illness that is out of control. And while I don't want to stigmatize, completely letting all of this be known to acquaintances and during hangouts is extremely counterproductive.  Therapy is there for a reason. When people start talking about the topic of suicide, it really puts the listener in a very difficult place, because then they (I) feel responsible for having to possibly respond or get crisis help for the person. It's very scary.

Maybe it's karma for the way I used to behave. Who knows.