By accepting the blame it is just sharing the feelings.


But in reference to cowardice = Jesus Christ took on the sins of the world when Jesus was completely innocent dying for the guilty, and this was an example to all of humanity that this process will work for us when we do it too.

And in this case "p-lady" would only be giving some emotional support to her husband as he is having a hard time. He is not an abuser and he is simply having a hard time at his job, so his wife "p-lady" can either blame him or share the feelings with her husband.

Does one want to be right? or to have a happy marriage?

See the abuser tries to claim that words have different meanings for them than for the rest of the world thus pulling in the victim to constantly discuss it. But there is NO END. The abuser will just continue to adjust the supposed meaning of the words despite the FACT that everyone understands the original.
It really is just for the abusers entertainment.

For the record, I don't think Booky is an abuser. He is simply stating his opinion as to his understanding of codependent behavior. They can't be right or wrong because they are opinions. Everyone is entitled to them. I think it is inappropriate to call anyone names on this site.

Well spoken hamsteronawheel. No should ever take the blame for anything that thwy can not cause directly. That is exactky what the addict abusers expected from us all ourlives.
It is a very childish thing to do. Adults engage in behaviors that bring the light of truth to relationships. Hiding behind attempts to gain power is not a relationship. It is a sales effort. Nothing good comes from selling lies. Repeating them over and over atill leaves them lies.
Childish is a perfect way to express it because lies heal nothing, lies improve nothing, lies Always hurt someone somewhere. No relationship built on lies is valuable or real. It only increases the hate and suffering in the world.
Lies do increase suffering, pain, and hatred. There is no good reason to take blame for something over which one has zero control. That's k ije a child claming the turned tge sky blue. Adults know it is foolish. Only the very imature person believes that lies do anything other than cause serious damage that spreads like cancer.

Well you just go ahead and keep blaming other people "SunnyBunn" and see how well that works for you.

There is no reason why any of us have to agree with anyone else.

You do things the way you see as right, and I will do things the way that I see as right.

So be it.

Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man, but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.


Religion and 12 step programs are two different things.
I prayed for help with my co-dependent nature for years. The "raging"
the "control issues" all of it never changed. Until I understood this wasn't about God, or Jesus. That it was about what was coming out of me...."My perceptions." It had nothing to do with God and Jesus and more about interpersonal searching and accepting what I needed to stop doing, that I had learned from supposedly "Very Christian" (alcoholic) parents.
So maybe God lead me on the path and I still had Free Will. Understanding that it wasn't about Blaming or Accepting Blame it was about Healing from with-in me on my personal journey and spiritual life. Not about what someone else FELT /IE: "Blame," it was about Stopping the cycle of Self Abuse from myself mostly.
The self destructive way I perceived my life and world.
I never read any literature in ACOA or ALA-NON programs that stated to accept abuse by accepting blame it's more about moving away from such awful behavior. I've blamed everyone in my perceptions for my life even God, It never got me anywhere. Until I learned to surrender it to God, the unpleasant things in life and unpleasant people, don't interrupt my life for long. I mean it's not like I'm going to go spray paint it on a building or anything....but I'm happy today.

#Martyr-complex

Hamsteronawheel,

So true about the 12 steps and religion being totally different things. Codependents will be getting into Heaven in droves. But to live happily here on Earth until that day comes, we must genuinely be who God created. Accepting blame for anothers feelings denies that genuineness. It means living a lie all our lives. But lying to ourselves about whom we are inside.

It is TOTAL abuse to expect anyone at anytime to accept blame for the feelings of another. There is never any reason for such. Nothing good comes from it. It is, in fact, enabling the abuser to behave anyway they like without remorse or responsibility because someone else will take the blame. That is just allowing another person to use their addiction to blaming others. It is neither good for us, nor good for any relationship, nor is it good for the other who uses emotional outburst and projection of feelings onto others to relieve themselves of responsibility for their own actions and reactions. This is enabling in a very passive aggressive manner.

Very VERY bad and totally non Christian as well. Jesus never told anyone to project their feelings onto another. He in fact, expected everyone to be responsible for their own feelings and faith.