I understand that this seems like a trivial concern to most of you who cant even go out. I was bedridden for two years and I know what that is like. I couldnt even speak. But I really would like to get a gf. I am so lonely. This is important to me. And now that it seems that I can go in a few dates I want to take advantage of this. But a wedding may be too much. I haven't been to one in years so I dont know what to expect. But I remember dancing and staying up late, two things I cannot do.

I am too tired and its only tuesday. I dont think I can handle a wedding. I have not done anything like that in years. I dont want to disappoint this woman. I also want her to like me. But I guess this is typical of cfs. We have to let go of many things we want. My list of lost opportunities is so long. At least I can read some and watch videos this month. I couldnt for three months. And I can go out to quiet dinners once in a while. Maybe I should be grateful for that. I really dont want to disappoint but my body is saying dont do it.

Hi Gabriel,
I totally get what you are saying. I went through years of not being able to even think of dating. I have had periods since of being able to do so. These are so precious though, and I have been do disappointed when I pushed too hard one time. In order to enjoy this period, I wouldn't go. i would make up an excuse (cowardly perhaps) but I agree that before meeting she might get turned off by the idea of CFS. Ask her out for dinner; go for it. Enjoy something that you are reasonably sure you can manage. Don't set yourself up.... The fact that you are asking tells me some part of you knows you shouldn't go. Good luck! Let us know what you decide. Have fun!

In total honesty! I would say that a wedding would be too much!! It is a a very over-stimulating event, with lots of people, lots of noise, loud dance music. crowded spaces, aerobic type dancing, flashing lights....yea, it's a bit much.

I am able, after eight years of CFS/ME, to get out of bed (when not crashing) and go places....church, the supermarket, a visit to the g/kids...simple things. Things where I have some control if I need to sit down or sometimes lay down for a rest period if it's a long day. I am married, so I don't have the miserable problem of figuring out how to date with this illness. What I want to tell you is....don't count this woman out before giving her a chance. Before I would make up a story that wasn't true about why I couldn't go, I would tell her that I have a fatigue based illness, that would prevent me from the "big party" atmosphere, and could we start by meeting for dinner or a movie, in a more quiet atmosphere.

If this lady is a good person, and likes you enough to ask you to accompany her out, then she obviously is interested in meeting YOU. It most likely doesn't matter what the venue is!! Give her the truth......see what she does with it. Lots of people without CFS don't do weddings because of the racket, the lengthy ceremonies......lots of people have anxiety disorders that prevent them from attending large gatherings. I honestly think, that if she asked YOU out.....she will understand what you tell her.

I'd be truthful from the get go. That's what I do with my friends and family, and for me....it has worked out wonderfully well.

I wish you the best!!

I just went to my shrink and he thinks I should go to the wedding. He is new to me so I dont know how much he knows of cfs or how sick I am. My gut feeling tells me what DarlaC is saying, that a wedding is a noisy and crowded event, not easy for people with cfs. I think I can manage it but I feel Im not going to enjoy the noise, the crowd, the music, the dancing. I much rather go out to a quiet dinner. My intuition tells me that this is too much for me. I might be wrong and miss out on a great opportunity. But going to the wedding scares me a bit. I very concern about the level of noise and having to stay there for a long time. I am so confused. i dont want tolose this woman. she communicates with me every day. She is obviously very interested. And i have not had that in a long time since I rarely socialize.

I feel very sad because I feel ill after going to the shrink. I felt I had to stay home today instead but went to the appointment. But I did not think it was a big deal. But now I am so tired. I guess I am not as well as I thought. I want to cry.

Hi there Gabriel so sorry you are feeling so tired and sad.Talking about emotional issues at your appointment has most likely drained you more and the wedding invitation has been a hard one for you too.Keep your chin up and hang in there.Thinking of you and sending my love to you Di

I just spoke to her about the wedding invitation and she says the thing starts at 330 pm and lasts all night. wow!! I cant do that. If i go I would have to tell her something about my condition and meet her later than 330 and leave early. I am still concerned mostly about the music. Where I live music tends to be extremely loud in these events. You cant even talk. I dont find much enjoyment in these types of events for that reason. And this is a person I dont know yet. It would be better to go out to dinner and talk. I asked her if she would be upset if I could not go and she said no. I asked her if she would still be willing to go out with me next week and she said yes but she added that many things could happen. She is available now. I have to tell her in a few hours. I am so confused. I am feeling better healthwise but I dont know if I am well enough to do this.

Hey Gabriel if you dont have the energy and the idea of it all is stressing you then give it a miss.The fact that your friend doesnt mind and is prepared to go on another date with you is great news.Don't put yourself in an environment that will drain your energy love Di

I just talked to my sister who has fibro and she told me I should go to the wedding even if it is for a short while. I will have a great time. But she is a person who never misses anything. She has fibro but I dont see her as sick as I am. She is constantly traveling to Italy, something I cannot do. She went to a wedding recently.

This woman said she would not be upset if I say no but she added that going on a date with her again did not depend no her alone. She said many things could happen. She is available now, maybe not next week, although at this moment she would go out with me next week.

Gabriel! The woman said she would not be upset if you said no. That's all you need to know! I'm sorry that your shrink and your friend who has fibro and all of our opinions are different! This must be very confusing for you.

Once again, if it seems like you have this much doubt about the evening and you say you are unable to go, if the lady doesn't want to see you on your terms, in a quieter environment, then she is not the one for you. If your CFS doesn't come up NOW in conversation, it still will at some point in the future and you will have to face this decision and confusion all over again.

I would be honest with her NOW. It's so much easier to get the truth out right from the start. You have an illness. You are not being rude to her. Any decent person would give you a chance to date them on your terms at least once, before saying they could or couldn't deal with the restrictions you have to follow sometimes!!!

Hope you quickly make a decision. All this stress and anxiety is going to ramp up your CFS. It isn't worth getting sicker before you even get the chance to meet her. Tell her the truth! Give her a chance!

I proposed to her that I could go to the wedding until 9pm. I couldnt do more. She agreed. Thanks everyone with helping with this one. I hope I can make it until 9pm. I am so tired today. But I am excited to go out with someone who seems to like me. I really would like to meet someone soon and have a gf. I dont know if I will be able to get that far since I can go out so little. But my health has improved a lot since I was bedridden for two years. I really hope I can handle the wedding.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR PATIENCE. This is a wonderful group.

I think I might have to cancel my plans to go to the wedding even if its just a short thing until 9pm. I am feeling really tired and scared. I crashed this summer and could not read or watch tv for almost three months. I feel I am getting close to that point again. I am extremely tired today. So I might have to call this woman and spell it all out. I might have to tell her I have cfs and that I was bedridden for two years until march 2012. My sister tells me to NOT tell her anything until she knows me a little better. But some of you have suggested I tell her now. My sister says she will run once she hears that. But I am feeling really bad today and the wedding is in less than 48 hours. I am scared. I dont want to crash again. And if I lose a woman because of this, then thats cfs taking things away from me once more. I am really sad I am feeling so sick today. But thats the reality. I dont want to disappoint this woman now that she has been so nice as to agree to have a shorter date. But I feel I need to cancel and rest. And the only explanation I can give her it seems like is to tell her the truth about my illness. I am really sad because I am pretty sure she will not date me again.

Oh youre getting too worked up for the wrong thing! Listen to your sister, she knows you! You have told the woman you may not be able to stay long so thats covered,you dont know these people so you wont be in wham-bam party mode...sit back & enjoy it, join in where you want & just let go & have a good time, you know what pace you can handle...just take it minutes at a time....I with cfs & fibro just went to a wedding that I didnt know many at all but had a great dinner, met & talked with the people at our table more than with the busy bride & groom (the ones we know) Around 10pm it did start to get 'rockin' & I was done,so I called it a night.
As bad as it is to think, just facts: I may be in my 40's but my health has made me feel/act like a woman in my 80's...they still go & do things so, so should you! Get excited about it, pick what to wear & take a lil rest, get ready for a date that you really want to go on! Yes you may have to use tomorrows energy as well but its better than letting cfs rule your life! I hope you go & have a great time & that shes a wonderful woman in person as well, you can do this, just plan ahead is all Enjoy your life while you can!! :)
coco

Thanks coco for your encouragement. I will use it for my next date. I really liked what you wrote. But this weekend I am simply too tired. I told her the truth about my cfs and cancelled the plans. Now she says she just wants to be friends. Oh well. I am sad but what concerns me most is not to be able to go on dates at all. I hope I get better and can start dating. I really would like to have a gf and I dont know I will be able to have that with cfs. I hope I can go on dates without getting sick.