My goodness yes! I've been going to counseling for almost a year, my husband and I started couples counseling a few months ago. I think just having to pull emotion out of yourself and so intensely to try to cover as much as possible in an hours time is exhausting. It always leaves me in worse shape. The last couple months I feel like all I do is go to therapy and then try to recover from it. I see mine in the afternoon which is my best time of day, but the couples is done in the evening to accomodate my husband's schedule and that is soooo hard, plus we are having such problems that it is extremely emotional and I just want to curl up and die afterwards. My own therapy helped tremendously when I first started going and was just dealing with myself and my own personal issues, I would be exhausted physically but in a much better emotional frame of mind.. Now I just go to focus on how she can help me deal with my husband, couples therapy is not going great and causes me more stress.

It makes me feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and like I just want to give up.......this is not how I want to spend the precious times I can leave the house. It makes me a little angry too because I have to go when I really shouldn't be leaving the house.....I literally drag myself with my cane there, and neither my husband nor our therapist has noticed that I'm weaker and have a harder time walking when we leave. Our last session my brain was fuzzy, I felt so spaced out I wasn't able to get my message across, I wasn't making sense, and I was even more frustrated when I left. I realized I have to stop going when I'm doing that bad, since no one else is concerned about my well-being I need to be more assertive about what I can and cannot handle.

And yes.......the effort seems so overwhelming, the rewards so few, that escape seems like an attractive option. I do feel like running away, I wish I had the strength to get in the car and drive myself somewhere and just get away from it for a while.

I say, do it when you feel like it, if it makes you feel better keep going, but when it becomes more stressful than helpful just take a break for a while. I think that's what I'll do, just take a break for a while.

Struggle.....I hate that word, it has become the very defintion of life now. Anyway, to answer your question.....yes, I can relate.

Hugs to you,
Genie

Hi Pouty,
I read this yesterday but needed a day to digest it and give a well thought out reply.
I was in therapy nearly constantly for about 30 yrs. I went at least every other week during that time. Sometimes it was my core issue (childhood sexual abuse), sometimes it was relationship issues, and sometimes about my health. Every few years I'd find I had to take a break for at least a few months because the stress of talking about the same thing over and over just made it seem worse, activated my cortisol and caused more pain and then of course more CFIDS symptoms. I also felt like I was essentially going to need therapy because of needing so much therapy!

About 8 months ago I had a total utter blow out with my therapist. It was so bad I just never went back. I had trouble for a few months, but as I was in the middle of moving state to state I didn't make an effort to find a new therapist. During that time I read the book "how to be sick" and something clicked inside me about the Buddist principles and just letting things go. It's been tickling the back of my brain lately to find someone to talk to on occasion but only when I'm really bugged by my mother talking about what a prince my brother (my abuser) is.... she's 85 so I grit my teeth... and it's habit to want to talk to someone about it. But these days I swim if at all possible instead. If not, I use my meditation cds. But I feel that there will come a time I will need therapy again, possibly when my mother passes...or if my health gets much worse.
As far as the therapy making me worse...
I don't think it's therapy, in and of itself that causes me to feel most tired, more in pain physically...I think it's just anything in our lives that causes us stress. I get far more pain and tiredness after an argument with my husband than I did after therapy, until that last therapist....
I wonder if it might be possible for you to try another therapist? Sometimes it's a personality thing, or their technique. You might find you do better with someone very low key, someone who leads you to your own revelations, instead of telling you who you are.
As to your fear of long term relapse.. pouty I wish I could say any of us could point at some one thing and say "Hey, that's what does it" but really most of us can't. Only you can know if the therapy or the reason you need therapy is the bigger offender stress wise. Therapy can be really hard work. It can also end up being very rewarding. Another thing about long term relapse.... if it's going to happen, then I just have to think it would be better to be more emotionally comfortable with yourself if it happened than to not be, need therapy and not be able to get there.
Go when you can.... don't when you can't..

I suspect CFS is the physical end result of some psychological baggage we are carrying. If it is not the causative factor it certainly makes the physical decline worse. Like yourself I dread counseling sessions because while they are helpful, they are emotionally intense and that extra energy expended will need to be made up somehow i.e. we crash.

Its like any other healing process with this illness. Its going to make us feel worse at first, but the work has to be done and should ultimately aid in our recovery.

I think you are really struggling with your illnesses and would strongly recommend that you keep up with your counseling. We need all the help we can get coping with this condition, and you have a combination of nasty little buggers that would make anyone depressed.

Big hugs..praying for you.

PS : Choose your therapist/therapy carefully depending on your needs. For me I don't want a therapist who is going to sit and let me talk for hours on end just for the sake of talking (I can get that for free). I look for a therapist who is knowledgeable of structured techniques, who can help me to identify my core issues and resolve them or at least develop coping mechanisms. On the first day I met my current therapist I asked if he knew CBT or similar techniques, and told him I wanted a structured programme that would yield notable results in 6 months to 1 year.

He was willing to work with this model. I haven't been very much because of my constant crashes, but it makes me feel better that he is not just going to take my money year-in-year-out with no results.

When I was going to counseling, of course the emotional issues caused a flare up, but I got sicker and sicker and sicker....kept pushing myself and finally had to quit. I was so sick. I told my primary care doc, it was like going to a job, ... it was a scheduled session, twice a week, 45min session, an hour drive there and back., I just couldn't handle that much of a "schedule". I did get some help that I needed though. I took the coping techniques and advice and used it, and continue to use it now ,2 years later. I get more help from books, and from friends, and there's a few times I really wish I still had my counselor, but it did get to a point it was really annoying to keep going, I had nothing to talk about...she would ask ehwat I did or what was wrong since I last saw her and I was like..I was recovering..the entire time, in bed, feeling like crap, and this is my first outing since the last time I was in therapy..and on top of that I was getting so sick, my blood tests were wacky, I got sent to an oncologist to test for leukemia, (negative thankfully), but still.......my body was saying S_T_O_P!!!!!!!!!

Thankyou to everyone with their thoughtful replies.

I started going to counseling this year. I happened upon a good counselor. Let me tell you a little secret. I go to a counselor that is going to school and needs patient hours to graduate. However...this is way beyond the education required to be a counselor. Apparently they get a lot of great reviews. This is amazing since I'm only charged $5/session.

And to address what you said more....yes, sometimes I crash afterward. Sometimes I need a nap after. Sometimes I forget whatever I'm supposed to do after. It's worth it for me.

I wanted one person I can talk to about everything. Here I can talk about cfs, at support group I talk about emotional abuse, with my counselor? Those things, my homelessness (and before I was homeless that it was looming ahead), relationships, how everything ties in.

It makes me feel so much better to have someone to talk to.

I knew she was good when I mentioned something and she immediately drew the line between that and the emotional abuse I've experienced. She helps me put voice to things in a way that I need to hear it.

Like I had a "friend" (now big time ex-friend) who would say mean things to myself and to my daughter. I tried to handle it by being nice and polite, thinking she'd stop. I felt meek, powerless, lost. My counselor drew the line between this and the abuse. Then she says that each time I get a comment like that it's like little cuts on my arm. Just one isn't such a big deal, but when they add up it really hurts.

Seriously, haven't you all felt like that? Like when someone makes an unfair comment about your cfs? Or is in some other way mean?

My counselor helps me a lot. It's worth the crash...and I don't always crash. I don't think it's the counseling, it's talking about something painful.

One of the effects of my emotional abuse is that things I haven't fully dealt with resurface. So even if I don't deal with it in counseling, it will come up, and may hit me harder. It's easier to bring it up myself.

I've also learned that when I feel emotionally safe the painful emotional stuff rises up and hits me. I like that I can talk to my counselor about it no matter how many wonderful people I may have in my life at the moment.

Hi, Pouty. I do a form of Christian counseling. Instead of just rehashing things over and over, I lead them in contemplative exercises. Before looking at any deep wounds, we always start from a safe place in their mind that they can clearly see. If they can't envision the safe place, we don't move forward until they can achieve safety in some way. So, that way, if they begin to have an abreaction, we can go back to safe place and pick up where we left off another day. I don't counsel pregnant women if I can avoid it, partly because of the effect it has on the baby for the mother to get agitated. So, I am also very careful with people with physical illnesses for the same reason. I am not a psychologist and I don't take the place of one. What I'm hoping to do is to help people to release the emotional pain that has been stored in their bodies as physical pain and to learn to self-sooth so that they can move forward without me. I hope you can find someone who will faithfully walk this journey with you. I wish you all the best and many blessings.

I think the physical symptoms get worse because the body with ME can't tolerate adrenaline. I would concentrate on looking after yourself physically rather than increasing your stressload. Stress is toxic to ME. ME is not caused by psychological problems. Alot of counsellors will not understand and may make you worse, Listen to your body and inner voice, not other people.

Ok. There's a whole gamit of experience here that people have had
with counselors.
And I've had mine too. Mainly, positive.
In the end, only you can decide what works for you.
As Lupin says, listen to your body and inner voice. If there's
a particular friend telling you to 'address your psychological issues'
that friend is just giving you their opinion. They're not dealing
with your illness (physical).
This may not be the time for you to be doing such in depth
work. Having said that, I too have taken breaks when
I've felt either physically exhausted or that I have nothing more
to say.

Been there, done that (counseling that is). People sometimes forget how much energy is needed to listen, think, and speak. Especially when you are already dealing with foggy brain issues. It is definitely a toss up between getting help with all the emotions we are experiencing due to a loss of the person we used to be and taking care of yourself.

I've had psychologists all my life and some are sooo much better than others.

I always want someone to talk to and I've been with my current counselor for over 20 years, she knew me before CFS. When first diagnosed she was a great help because her husband has CFS and she guided me to the best doctors in town and meds.

I think the driving to appointment and talking and thinking is what wears me out. If I pace so that I rest up for the appointment, I can get through it OK.

I had another psychologist that was also a masseuse and "healer". She would listen and address any problems I had, very great and profound responses too. Then would do "body work" to get rid of emotions inside me. It was fabulous, wish she hadn't moved. She also had cytomegalovirus which is like CFS so understood.

As far as panic attacks which it sounds like you have, Pouty, I used to have it too and you won't believe this but I was cured by a book, an old one, Hope and Help for your Nerves by Claire Weeks. I would be driving and have a panic attack and just have to pull over and follow her instructions (easy ones) then start driving again. In a few months the anxiety had gone. I laugh at anxiety now because I'm not afraid of it.

With both these counselors I feel better when I leave than when I went in their door. Good luck finding a special one.

Pouty! I am in the same boat as you. (((hugs))) I went to a therapist for 8 months once or twice a week and kept pushing and pushing myself because I did have some major issues to deal with but I became sicker and sicker and sicker as time went on. I was then SO depressed over being so much sicker, and had to quit, .. I put it on the same level of having to give up working. I wanted to hang in there, but my body wouldn't let me. It's a catch 22 situation for sure.. It's rough. I wish I had a good answer.

Well maybe you feel worse because it takes so much energy to get yourself ready, drive to the therapist, talk a lot, drive back, etc.

I came to the conclusion with acupuncture that it didn't help enough to offset the energy expenditure of driving to and back from the appointment.

For everyone not up to the effort to get there and back, there is another option. There are therapists that will do work over the phone. If you like your counselor you can request this. I'm guessing they'd be willing.