Norske I so love what you said here ~~~>" When I 'let go and let God", and remembered the order God has for us: love Him first, spouse second and children third, I was at peace. My ES did return and now we are working on our relationship." I have found too that is really the whole key to it and what HE has taught and counselled me on in my heart and it sounds like you too. God always does everything in 'order' not confusion. I am so happy your ES and you are working on your relationship and hope he is growing in the Lord too. That is the amazing thing in the Bible...God teaches on forgiveness and to have discernment like the father of the prodical son's dad had. Such a wise in depth story.

A person can go to all the 'therapists' in the world but if a therapist is a true born again Christian they will always point the person back to the Bible, because they would know where all the answers are.. On the other hand, if a therapist is telling a person everything they want to hear or 'tickling their ears' as the Bible would say (2 Timothy 4:3---For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears) if they are tickling then they are probably just in that profession for the money. And I would 'run and not walk' out of that office very quickly.

When I worked in banking we were taught to study REAL money very carefully so we would then recognize a counterfeit bill when we saw it.....I have never forgot concept. That's why studying the Bible is so very important to spot false teachers that want to "tickle my ears". Everyday I realize my need more and more to keep growing and learning, some lessons in life can be oh so hard for sure.

Reading those verses in Matthew 10 really was so hard for me to swallow at first, but I didn't write the Bible, God did. I am just so thankful that He wrote a perfect instruction book for us to follow, backed it up with stories of proof and then gave us a peak into the future ahead. I also realize in life there are people who do not believe the Bible is 'sufficient' for their needs (even though it is written by the one who created them).....well satan just loves that thought process. Because he is the 'father of lies' and wants to plant doubt. If a person is quoting the Bible and someone thinks they are arrogant well then that is their choice and if they really even knows what is in it or they are convicted. If I were in their shoes I would never venture into those waters of doubt for sure.....way too dangerous.

Feeling.....I agree there are all different scenarios posted in this forum but in reality all roads eventually will lead to having to make the same decision. Just that sometimes we take the "long" way around to get there....me included. God never changes but we do, He just patiently waits until we realize if we do it HIS way and not OUR way it works much better. Took me (and a lot of believers) a long time to figure out I needed to get my "priorities" straight.

The people in Jesus day thought He and all his disciples were arrogant too.....so I take that as a compliment. Thanks Stephanie ! =)

Love the verse, "Be strong in the Lord and the power of his might".

Ok. I must say I'm somewhat uncomfortable with the turn this topic, which I started, has taken. We are all Moms who have, or are enduring the hardest thing we could have ever imagined. We're all in pain. We need each other. Let's not judge each other. We're each in our own part of the journey. There is no right or wrong way to deal with the grief estrangement causes. We're believers. There are different churches on all four corners of an intersection because we each find our spiritual food and encouragement in different ways. It's like restaurants. Some like church spicy, some like it mild. Some like it calm, some like it raucous. God likes it whatever way we choose to give it to Him. But He said "They will know you by your love".
All I know is that we as Christians get enough criticism and flack from the world, and from other Christians who have never experienced estrangement, we don't need to get it from each other. We're each totally entitled to our own opinions on things. But we're here to help bear each other's burdens.

P.S. I view this site as a life line. I come to it numerous times a day for encouragement. I just don't want to see anyone go away from it feeling bad. :(

So well said Barbyz, God bless you.

To each his own, Bella, and that is my point. I too, have viewed this sight as a lifeline in the initial stages of this nightmare. I have been given incredible wisdom and insight by some wonderful people, believers, non believers, therapists, research. The bottom line, this pain is so deep that it can't be put into a box, so to speak, and wrapped up neatly and done with. For me, I'm walking through the shadow of the valley, and have to walk through it, leaning on my Shepard. Otherwise, how else can we bear it ? We, the body of Christ, are His arms to hug and whisper His words of comfort to one another for there are no guarantees our suffering will end whether we cut ties or not, until we are reconciled in heaven. So, I pray for my children every day, every day I shed tears that are put into His bottle, and get up and live my life according to His purpose as best as I can. This isn't about bible, therapists, right or wrong, it's about pain and supporting one another through that pain on whatever path we have to walk. For you, Bella, I am sorry if my words were taken out of context, typing without tone can sometimes come across differently than intended. I think we're bumping up against one anothers pain, and all I will say before I'm done responding, is that was not my intent. Prayers and blessings to you all.

Blessings Stephanie and each one here. This is a special place. I am thankful for each of you.

i am sure in your heart you want your relationship with your ES restored, but it sounds like you do not trust your ES, which is very understandable. And he seems to still be pointing fingers in one direction - at you. I wonder if it would be wise to state the truth, that you love him, and miss him, but have some deep fears about opening the door to reconciliation. Ask if he would be willing to begin opening this door by going to a family therapist who would help each of you to work through the fears,mans help you to begin building a new, healthy relationship. If he really wants a relationship, hopefully he would be willing.

OK.....so now it is jump on the band wagon and bash me.... lol....too funny. That is really Christian. Well that will not ever change my foundation or several others that believe in the Bible on here as our true source of strength and direction to go to. I never ONCE mentioned any church it is not that but a relationship with Jesus when anyone prays. So do not interject 'churches' here.

Perhaps if this group does not believe where the Bible stands in a true believer's life then the word "Christian should be removed from the title ?? And then I would ask "who are you praying to?"

Stephanie....I see you recently divorced and that is so sad and a shame. This can cause estrangement with AC also, they are probably hurting too. This seems more than just estrangement going on with your feelings and reactions.

True Bella. We will always stand for the Word of God. Our salvation is based on it. Praise God we can have a personal relationship with Jesus for forgiveness and eternal life.

What would we do without the Lord?

lindajoan.........I have been in that life without relying on the Lord so I do know what I would probably have done (back in 1979) and that would have been to end my life.

Praise God He brought you to Himself. He is our only answer.

Bella, just because someone's divorced doesn't necissarly cause estrangement. That was a very hurtful thing to write. Nobody, I'm sure not even the EC children really understand the estrangement. It's an attack from Satan. Nobodys family is perfect! If that was the case every family would have estranged children. It happens to lots of families Christian and nonChristian. It doesn't help to point reasons to why you think it happened to certain people on here.

Yes, Bella, I am now divorced, not by my choice. I am so sorry you thought you were bashed....I'm honestly confused about where you're coming from. I have never said the bible isn't my foundation, I have never said my main source of strength isn't from the Lord. What I have said is that I have been open to research, and other sources for information on this insidious split in parent and child relationships. My caution in even speaking up regarding your statements about "cut the ties" is to be careful. Because God doesn't call everyone to cut those ties as in your case. Can we please drop this? There is no point to continuing on with it, especially over the internet, it's difficult to interpret someone's true meaning. Look, you have good things to offer from your battle, but everyone's battle may not go the same way.

feeling....you are choosing to read WAY more into what I said and meant.

Stephanie....I am not saying everyone's estranged battle goes the same because it does not but there are great deal that end in separation. Christian people have different priorities and God must come first...you need to make the choice as to how you handle your situation.

Yes, previously, you did say that the Bible does not have all the answers. Christian people believe that it is the true Word of God and yes it does have all the answers. You need to read the guidelines of this group they are posted. If you do not like people quoting scripture then you won't like this group or feel comfortable here. But we are not changing what it is founded upon just to satisfy you.

Be true to yourself Stephanie and seek a close walk with the Lord, He loves you more than anyone on earth could ever. He will guide you if you do your part and trust him (completely). I felt the saying below fit my situation with my EC very well and In essence what was happening. Life on this earth gets shorter as each year passes and I do not want to waste any more precious time. God be with you always.

"Never allow someone to be your priority, while allowing yourself to be their option"

Someone has left because their feelings were hurt. I don't like to see that. I think people were agreeing God comes first, but got very judgemental about other things. God does come 1st, but the Bible doesn't tell me specifically wether I should write my daughter a letter or not. That's where people look to others for advice. Listen to that advice and then pray about it. In my case I felt led to try to keep communicating with my daughter. I think it worked well in my case.