We can pray that Jesus will bring others in their paths to share with them. The great commission is for us all who are born again to go out and share the gospel with others.....once they have heard the truth then it is the Holy Spirit that speaks to their heart. Then the EC decide if they want to act on it.

Yes....."cast all your cares upon him because he cares for you" 1 Peter 5:7

Love that verse. It brings great peace.

God bless you

Barbyzhere: My ES just came back into our lives. Out of the blue, I got a call from him, I was shocked. I reacted immediately when I saw his name come up...wondering what had happened. He wanted to tell me his marriage was over, she wanted the divorce. He was crushed but angry. He wanted to talk. We did. After that call, I let him call me, I did not initiate calls, I didn't want to give him the impression I would rescue him. We went over to see him over Memorial Day and his twin babies that I had not met. Before we drove the 5 hrs, I asked him, what did we need to hash out. He told me he could not remember why he was angry at me....I had said this to others as it was my ED that pulled him in. He is very easily influenced and he hop on board ...I believe the anger was really a venting as to what was going on in his marriage. He came over for July 4th and we just talked and talked. I had my old son back, no more anger..we played catch up for the 2 years.

Now I understand it could happen again, but I am trusting that it won't. It is a risk, but I am willing to take it to have that relationship with my son...my Mom heart is doing better these days. My ED is still not coming around, but I just keep praying and will welcome her should she call.

I am forever changed and I understand now how much my children can wound me...this I shall never forget. I have boundaries now. I have grown closer to the Lord, who is #1 in my life. I think before this I had put my children and grandchildren in that #1 spot, but no more.

I hope your call went well. Hugs and Prayers for you!!!

Love what grandmamma said... who is #1 in our lives? I'm afraid I was guilty of idolizing my children and family before estrangement. As we all now know, that can all be gone in the blink of an eye. God's love is the only real love after all, and the only one that will never let us down and last forever. I'm with grandmamma, when she says they used to have the #1 spot, but "no more"!

Barby, Now is the time to build a relationship with your son. Listen and try to understand his point of view. My dad wasn't around much either. He was a full time teacher plus had at least 1 other job. He was gone all the time including holidays. Just tell your son, "I understand how painful it must've been to want to spend more time with your father, but couldn't. Even though you know the reasons doesn't take away the pain." Some people can't explain their feelings well.

Bella, My daughter was gone for 2 and a half years. The battle was all Gods and He gets all the credit for bringing her back. There's power in prayer. We have no idea how or when God is going to answer it. That's why I continue to pray for all the parents on here who still have EC.
Grandmama, so happy for you that your son came back! Praying still for your daughter.

feeling.......the battle is never ever the Lords if you think that then you are putting Him down to our level.....HE never has to fight any battles because He has and always would win them all. It is our EC choice ... God does not choose for them or for us. He gives us his Word to read and learn to know Him and His ways. He loves us so much that He wants us to come to Him on our own.

That is exactly why he tells US to put on the armour of God....Ephesians 6:11-11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

One time I was crying and praying before the Lord and I was so distraught. Asking Him to bring our 2 EC back to us. Then this still small voice spoke to my heart, He said, "Do you them to come back to you or me ?" I have never ever forgotten that....it hit me like a ton of bricks. He is faithful to us but it has to be in the right order or it will not work and I DO want my children to have Him before me.

It is for that reason I say to everyone let "them go until they come to God or it will never work."

Bella, you are very correct that they need to return to God. He said the same thing to me. When I say pray that's giving the battle to God. The Bible says a lot about prayer. We pray and God does the battle. He knows what to do to change their hearts.

Exactly! Our desire must be that they go to God first. Then family. That is an order that makes sense.

I always believe that when we turn our EC over to the Lord that He battles for us. This is like the verse, Casting all our care upon Him for He cares for us. We come to the end of ourselves. He carries us through this trial (battle). Thank you Jesus!

Bella, some of us don't feel as strongly as you about "cutting ties". If that has worked for you in your situation, then that is what is needed for you. The more I learn in professional therapy about alienation, and the longer I walk with Jesus, I don't believe He calls everyone to approach things the same way, we are all individuals and so are our children. I'm sorry you have had to cut your ties, some of us have to do that to maintain our sanity, others do not have to do that. I'm just asking that you please refrain from "fixing" and allow more empathy and support for those of us who do not feel led to handle our situation the same as you have.

Stephanie.....you know that is the great thing about any forum....you can feel free not to read any posts but I will always preach the truth and not ever 'sugar coat' it. I am not sure how much you have studied up on estrangement but it has become a true 'silent epidemic' in the culture these days and is world wide. Parents pretend and eat crumbs off the floor as long as they want to but if your children estrange from you then you will have no choice but to walk away. That seems like it is where you are if you are getting counseling. We walked first....because when a person has Jesus as Lord and Savior then they have the Holy Spirit within them and that changes priorities really fast.....

Try reading these verses from the Bible....
Matthew 10:35-38.... For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man's foes shall be they of his own household. He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.

It all boils down to a few thoughts ~~ What is a person willing to put before God?

The best professional therapy is found in the word of God and it is free....seek and you will find. Even God left the Israelites to take another trip around Mt Sinai because they were putting false Gods before him, then there is the Prodical Son...well that story shows the father letting the son go to 'learn' that his ways were not Godly.

Bella - thank you for your post and reminding us of Matthew 10:35-38.

I spent years crying for my ES to return. I know God heard me but He also knew there was something I needed to do first - and that was turn my ES over to Him. I also learned that from the topic on this board a year or so ago called 'detachment".

When I 'let go and let God", and remembered the order God has for us: love Him first, spouse second and children third, I was at peace. My ES did return and now we are working on our relationship.

on this journey though I learned to not make him my whole life. he is part of it - not all of it.

Seriously? My caution in my post is that you cannot and do not know and understand all there is to know about each individual situation and person, or even estrangement, and that is dangerous in my opinion. The book of Hosea is all about being stepped on, treated disrespectfully, and God continued to have Hosea respond to his wife in the way He told him to. All I'm saying is, some of our situations call for unconditional love. Some don't. And yes, I understand putting anyone or anything before God is an issue, but some of us have dealt with that, and still God calls us to love the way He wants us to in our situation. No, the bible is not all in all, just as in needing medical attention because the bible can not address all illness, therapy is a good tool also, especially a Christian therapist. Your arrogance is evident, and that is what is disturbing to me. We are all vulnerable at this stage, and must be cautious who and what we listen to. So, yes, I can skip your posts, but what you're doing in some ways is not safe.

I believe the special part of this support group is that we believe is our answer and we care about one another. We have all been extremely hurt by estrangement. It is like having gone through a death without closure. God speaks to each of us in His way on how to handle things. It is always in accordance to His Word. I know there have been times of sorrow and weakness in my life that the best I could do is say "Jesus". He heard my cry. We die to self and rely on Him. There is no one right or wrong way in estrangement. Pray and He will lead. Often in life what kills us (I can't) makes us stronger (He can).

God bless each hurting soul here today. He loves you and so do I.

Correction line 2- we believe Jesus is our answer.

Just for the record, my ED came back last Dec. after 2 1/2 years of total silence. I sent letters most of time putting Please Forward on them because I didn't know where she was. When I found out she got married I sent a card with a small check with both their names on it. This isn't for everyone, but my daughter is sensitive and I knew it would be worse if she thought I'd given up on her. When God convicted her and she saw me she said she was sorry. I told her we were starting over and the past is in the past. I've noticed she's not as close to God as she seemed to be before she left. She needs to understand God's forgiveness which starts with how people who claim to love God treat her
Yes, God needs to come 1st and we need to pray for them to come to God. Whatever God leads you to do besides that you should do and not just depend on advice you read on here.