Thankyou Norske.....I think that's a good suggestion. Anything to prevent the process from being made difficult for my son by his estranged sister.

Those are all good things for us to consider. Our ED is just so young- she is 19. I feel like (and we have been told by older Christians) there is a good chance she will mature out of all this insanity, so don't want to go to drastic measures prematurely. But she is the most hard-headed, strong-willed person I have ever known, so this rebellious attitude could stick. She has disappointed us and broken our hearts to such a degree, that I hesitate to get my hopes up for anything in the future with her.

Yes, lindajoan, God can change things.

Yes, after a year, during which time she made it clear that she didn't want anything to do with us, we had a will made (we didn't have one prior to that), where ED receives nothing.

I really felt the strong need to protect younger daughter, who loves us, works hard, and is good to us. Also, I don't really believe in leaving money or things to someone who wants nothing to do with you. (Or to her husband of ten years, who dumped us, too, without a word.) things have consequences.

This is a very difficult thing to do. I have things I wanted her to have, in addition to just wanting her to have money. But she apparently doesn't care about that loss anymore than she cares about losing us. She really just wanted to be rid of us.

I told the lawyer that it had been a year, and I didn't consider it a precipitous decision, but we hadn't wanted to have to do it, and felt bad about it. And that we could always change it should a miracle happen and things change.

He said, "Sometimes you just have to decide," meaning that neither option exactly brings you joy. And that yes, it could always be changed.

But I was feeling a sort of urgency, in case we both died at the same time. I didn't want ED and her husband coming in and fighting with or taking advantage of younger daughter. Told the lawyer I knew we should have had a will already, but he said, not necessarily, because the two of you are not likely to die at the same time, and there was no strife until this.

Anyway, I feel much, much better since we did this (in April), knowing that if something should happen to us, traveling, say, our younger daughter would be protected and taken care of.

I am gratified to read that others here have taken the same action. Makes me feel less guilty about it, even though I know intellectually there is no cause for guilt on my part. She did this and insisted on it, with no good reason at all. I feel we did the right thing, and settled it, and don't have to worry about what might happen when we're gone. Now I feel "good" about it and satisfied with it, which means it was the right thing to do, given the circumstances.

My daughter became estranged back in April as she moved in with her narcissist finance`. It was't long before we realized she had stopped communicating with us. Silence! No answer to anything. With a wedding coming up in October we went to speak to the priest about it. He advised to reconcile before the wedding. Instead they sent letters out and we received one as well saying, dear Mr and Mrs...we have cancelled wedding. Totally gone...we searched last weekend for their names and wedding and yes they got married with his family down in MD, we live in MA. None from our family was present, none!!! So we went to see the attorney and took her out of the will, we had to leave a small amount so she cannot file against it as an heir. Yesterday we took the $2,500 wedding gown left in my closet to a consignment store, yes she wanted nothing that reminded her of us!!! Please pray for our family, this is so tragic.

Lu, This is very sad. Estrangement is sad and so wrong in the sight of God. Praying!

We took our ED out of the will but nothing was left to her. It is legal.

Yes, we took all 3 EDs out of our will. They want nothing from us, so we will abide by that and leave them nothing. It is so sad to see it in writing, but why reward children that have disowned you? My attorney told me he never advises this, but in cases of estrangement, he told us to leave them nothing. All we can do now is pray their hearts will be lead back to God.

LuP, sorry for your story of your ED, one of ours married in Sept. We read it in the paper. No one from our family was invited either. So sorry.

We have an ED and yes we did. It was sad however once done we put the papers away and try to focus forward.

I hope the situation changes however I have to recognize that it is beyond my control.

The nice thing about being an adult is you can make and save your own money and not be in need of anyone else's. Do these estranged people expect to receive your money? Do they want to? I think this is all self-induced drama to somehow feel "in control".

Paulang- it's your money, your papers, your signature, yet it's beyond your control? How is that the case? ED is not MAKING you do anything. If you don't want her to have your money that is one thing, but it is most certainly all in your control. You are not a victim.

I have to laugh....I wrote a topic on Power of Atty for Healthcare and only '3' people responded. This who will make health decisions for you while you are "alive" but unable to make your own.

This topic is all about the decisions for your money and stuff when you are "dead" and 23 people responded....!

Something wrong here....ha-ha. Most of you are more interested in "things" then your own health decisions??? oh well.....

After I am gone why do I care what happens? Will be walking the "streets of gold" with my savior. We are not leaving any material stuff to anyone here on earth.

Hello giveipcom, I could not reply to discerner, I think she must be a child who has issues with her parents. She has not said.that is if it is a woman. I tried to reply but it would not let me. We are upset enough and don't. Need someone causing upset than what we are already trying to deal with. Not sure what others think.

You can't be right about anything or have any sort of point at all with her, Ruth. It is very tiresome. I think we get enough of that wearing-down stuff with EC to be excused for not wanting it from a total stranger with a whole skeleton of bones to pick. I don't imagine discerner's parents could deal with it for long, either.

Some people are just like the energizer bunny, and with the nail that is their own theory, hammer it to everything in sight. Even to suggest that an adult child's "perception" of having been starved as a child be given full weight as a "reasonable" thing to "see the other side of." Such a perception indicates serious mental issues in that adult child, and contrary to discerner's notion that parents want to control, and don't recognize the adult autonomy of their grown children, most of us KNOW we can't fix things like this, and it is not our place to.

The irony is that while discerner talks endlessly of the need to self-reflect, figure out one's on part (somehow responsible even for the starvation "perception" too, apparently), and listen carefully to the accusations - he/she himself/herself does not, but rushes in with certainty that he/she knows why all these estrangements happened. And no matter what you say, you're still Doing It Wrong.

Me, I don't have the strength for the onslaughts of my own ED, much less those of a total stranger who is adamant that he/she has all the answers to all our situations.

I did try to reply to Discerner too, but then the thread just disappeared. No matter, the things she/he was talking about really had nothing at all to do with my situation, and I don't think many of us could relate to what she was even talking about. The scenario she was talking about a child getting beaten for getting in a ditch? I know she was using that as a "for example" but I wonder if she had something like that happen to her? I agree with the others that perhaps this isn't the right place for her. And yes, we are all upset enough and have been through so much with our own EC to have all this hurled at us. Unless you have walked in our shoes you can't possibly understand the pain.

I agree, fellow posters. I certainly hadn't the strength to deal with that point of view, either. So, what I did was cancelled my password, wrote gibberish on a post-it note to change it, keyed it in on the 2nd password line and then burned the gibberish. That way I wasn't tempted to let fly. I had quite a lot of escalating drama in family this week, thankyouverymuch, without pedigreed nastiness from a stranger.

I had to smile, though, s/he wants to compare childhoods and treatments? I suspect I would WIN.
By the time I was 3 years old I was accustomed to Mama saying, "I wish you'd never been born!" "You ruined my life!" "I hate you!" Some of the cruelties were flatsmack amazizng. BUT looking back, I realized The Lord had His Eye on ME...and He put Key People into my life until I was rescued (dang near a mail order bride!!!) at age 19 and took the "geographical cure" 1000 miles away. I could tell stories makes discern's ditch episode sound like something I'd have gratefully swapped for.

I got into geneaology, learned The Truth about family (which incensed Mama who had a master's degree when that was RARE for a woman =- 1960s). Mama was LIVID as the truths slithered out from aged relatives I interviewed. My eldest bro got into it, too, and he heard other stories and we put our pool together and WOW....had my poor mother had a wretchedly abusive childhood...World Class Bad.

My Sister In Law sent me a book called A BOY NAMED DAVID and said it reminded her of what we kids grew up with. (Her husband remains scarred.)

But God IS Good....about age 43 the kid who had NEVER been told, "I love you!" decided to hug my parents and tell them I( loved them. They CRIED. They stumbled and stuttered and told me they loved me, too. It was hard - unfamiliar scary words, I know. But SOON they were like parrots who'd learned new words...and began to TELL my brothers, too. I thank the Lord that pre-death "I love you!" was the last word to my mother and father before they died AND to an elder brother I had no idea would die of pancreatitis in 2 weeks' time.

In their late 80s I witnessed to my parents, they read my books, and I baptized them both.

Much of this sparked by the random remark of that one-time Reincarnation friend who became a Sister in Christ who was adopted, her life no picnic, and she began "parenting her parents". Viola! It worked. They were aged people who'd never known good mothering....so I did for them the thngs a good mother does...and wow did they blossom.

As a new mother myself at age 20, I wasn't sure what to do. Well, we ALL know about the WWJD only I was "What would Mama do???" AND I DID

(Oops!)the OPPOSITE and it worked well.

BTW I fuily expected for many years to be disinherited. Dad was Mama's Ahab, went along with amazing stuff to keep peace, and once cried when we talked about it and his lack of intervention and he said, "I thought you kids were resilient enough. to handle it."

Last year I figured out Mama had Multiple Personality Disorder...which about destroyed me...but it made sense...as I'd crack my brothers up with the whispered names I gave what WERE different personalities. And one of her personalities I realized was a guy who did NOT like Dad her husband....

There WAS occultism in Mama's lineage, She told me several times as a child of being made to start into a crystak ball and having her mjother break a broom handle over her tiny head 3when she admitted she didn't ee anything. So years ago I did somje heavy duty praying to deal with Intergenerational Bondage. (From Expcus) and feel like it may need another go-round in that rodeo.

The family drama continues but I've talked to two supporting players (and DH listened in) as I suggested we bow out as those among the role of actors and watch the production collapse like a cheap suit if the rest of us refuse to play our assigned parts.

Hello alana2', I couldn't agree more. I don't have the reserve energy to deal with all that. INFACT I couldn't understand what she had written to be honest. Most people on here seem to harmonise and be helpful to one another. I will not be corresponding anymore to the remarks myself. Have enough to deal with as Itt is.