RuthSandra, I agree. Part of me felt I shouldn't have replied to discerners post, since it was apparent that this was an EC who decided to lash out at our expense. But it was so invading, and so sad for whatever his/her experience was, that lead him/her to lash out the way they did, and it reminded me of my ED accusing everyone in her world of not being good enough. This site should be a refuge and a place of comfort. This persons statements were disturbing on many levels.

I thought the long essay was difficult to understand and generally quite disturbing

We don't need it

This is something my husband and I have put off for quite some time. We have prayed and ponder and prayed some more. Time is something you really don't have when you're trying to do your living trust. We just thought our ED would come back BUT it has now been 7 years!

We her parents are not only broken hearted about the estrangement BUT her wicked ways of treating her family. I have dealt with a daughter who has tried to con my 88 year old dad out of his home. She hired a maid to clean his house and keep tabs on him and his money. She had him living in such fear that he was afraid he would be sitting on a suitcase on his front lawn with no place to live. How can this happen when your child was raised in a godly home.

Our lawyer advised us to disinherited her! He also told us if she could be that ruthless that if we left her any money she would use that money to bring harm to our kindhearted son. She would sue him and take everything. He also advised us to put someone other than our son in as a trustee and they also would have POA. He told us we could leave her something if each one of us die separately. I choose to leave her my mother's china. She loved her grandma and felt she might accept that.

In the end through much prayer my husband and I want her to know she was loved and that she made this choice for her own self. We will each leave her a letter telling her that. It has been one of the MOST difficult things I have had to do. But next week it will be notarized and I can put it away continue to pray for her salvation.

I recently changed my life insurance benificiary to my sister from my son and daughter.i struggled with the decision for some time, but finallymy decided I would leave the money to my sister. I trust her to take care of things when I die and do what she feels right with the money.
She and her girls have been there for me so many times in the last few years before and after the estrangement with my daughter (6 years ago) and my son (2 years ago). For a time I felt I was wrong in not leaving anything to my ES and ED but after attempting time and again to fix things and knowing in my heart I do not deserve what they are doing, I want the money to go to those who have been here for me.
It is sad as all aspects of estrangement but I feel I did the right thing.

Leave your money to a good cause.....there are some that drill wells for people to have clean water in africa....they seem to be a good charity...do not leave your money to selfish uncaring children

We have been thinking of this. I have 3 children from previous marriage.

My oldest daughter, who was always the most responsible has been distancing herself from me for years ... I have continued to try and make a relationship with her and her two daughters. This year was the breaking point - when she and her two daughters (18 and 11) were in the wedding party of my youngest daughter and didn't even acknowledge my presence throughout the entire event. She had divorced her husband in February and none of us knew about it until August. She has now divorced us. She did this to her younger sister several years ago also.

My husband and I came to an agreement to create a trust, naming my longtime best friend (more like a sister to me) as the executor (as my husband and I travel together) of the will. If she is not able to execute the trust, then my youngest daughter will. My son lives overseas (has since 2001) with no plans to permanently live in the US. I have left a 25% portion to each of them with savings bonds for the grandgirls.

I am getting ready to make portion changes since the 'divorce' by my daughter. My oldest granddaughter asked for her savings bond to be cashed out for college, which I did ... and then she 'unfriended' me on Facebook. My oldest daughter and her two daughters don't answer texts or Facebook messages ... I 'talk' to dead air.

Odd thing is, I have a younger sister who did this same thing to my mother.

in one of the threads i saw that someone has the legal language for making an adjustment to a living will regarding making adjustments to an existing living with with family trust ... can't find it now ... anyone know how to make that change?

Would any of you be in my position? I have family or trusted friend to be executor. My ES was executor but I have decided he will not be inheritng my estate. The estate will go to a deserving charity but I have no executor.

Oops...it should read no family or trusted friend.

If you have decided to leave your ES out of our will and give it to charity, I would suggest you have someone at our bank or an attorney be the executor/executrix. Or you can have your financial advisor, minister, or someone who will not fold under harassment from your ES when he finds out he gets nothing. You might also want it to be someone who you think will outlive you.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this with me. I will keep praying for guidance.

Does anyone have an answer for me,dh and i have a home,life ins,and a will.Everything is left to our son and now we have dil that has changed him,and we have left other son some money,and the other son some wehave not seen/heard from 15+ yrs,he is addicted to drugs,when the last one of us is left how do we handle leaving our home and the furnishings,we are seriously thinking about changing our will and dont want dil going through our things,and we dont want them to decide our medical care

edr, I would say it is certainly worth a consult with an attorney who knows better what your legal options are. It sounds like you would want a living will and a will in case of death. I'm sure one could be written and then changed if your situations change with your children.
Hugs.

Thank you for this topic... it's only been a month or so, since our son told us he wants no contact, so this may be quite premature.... but we're traveling to Europe soon to visit our other son who is stationed there. Our daughter will be going with us as well, and with all the terrorism, it occurred to me that if my ES doesn't want me in his life, he shouldn't want my $ either (in a fair world). My husband and I make some changes before our trip, and this thread has been eye-opening.