Hey all,

My name is Kelly and I am 27 years old. I was born with Cerebral Palsy and use an electric wheelchair as my main source of mobility, but I can walk with a cane as well. I have posted in this group before, but to be honest, it's been quite awhile. Essentially, I've just been feeling really down about myself and my disability lately. I always try to keep a positive attitude about things, but it's been hard as of late. In May of 2018, I graduated with my Masters in History from a respected university in IL. Since then, I have come back home to live with my parents and apply to jobs. Part of my frustrations stem from my unsuccessful job search. I've applied to so many over the past year and a half, I've lost count. I can't help but think my disability has something to do with me not getting these jobs (in some cases I know that to be true). Anyway, even though I'm continuously applying, I've found myself kind of resolving to the fact that I have nothing going on in my life lately. I am a social person. I have plenty of friends and a large family, but I essentially do nothing day in and day out. It has been impossible for me to stay positive when I'm surrounded by people who are doing things I want to be doing. Getting married, working, moving out, etc. I'm not sure how much longer I can stay comfortable with what is happening in my life.

It's not only the unsuccessful job search or my friends doing things that has me upset lately. I know this is ridiculous, but whenever I picture myself in my head, I'm never in a wheelchair. I never have a disability. The same was true for whenever I pictured my future as well. However, now that I'm actually "in" my future, I'm realizing how drastically different it is from the one I had pictured in my head. I'm sorry for being so negative. I guess I just wanted to express my feelings in an avenue to people who would understand. I'd love to hear similar stories from people who overcome similar feelings/situations as well please. Thank you for listening :)