If your not taking any anti-anxiety/depressants is it safe? I would like to try it.

OMG!!! I needed to read this, at least I know I am not alone and that I am taking the right steps to my own recovery. Thank you!!!

I am also a spouse of a CG.I file for divorce last week.I am in this situation for 23 years.I am about to loose the house.I am the sole provider for the family for all these years.My husband is unmployed for more than 15 years.My financial situation is so bad I cannot even afford to feed my children.I had to drag myself to go to work each day.I have so much debt and i wish I had take this decision 20 years ago.Since he was unemployed most of the time evey debt is deducted from my salary and there is not even enough left to feed my children after I pay the house.I am depressed and can't sleep at night.He is still in the house and we are waiting for a court date.I still have to feed him and provide him with a roof over his head and one of these days they will sell my house because of municipal account.I cant believe that I let this happened for all these years.I don't know what to do and there is nowhere where I can get help.My husband is like someone who is mad.He walks up and down in the house if we have money in our house or bank account.Because he is not working he uses other people money to gamble and I used to pay to prevent trouble and also because of the children.

Thank you very much. I wish I read this post 4 years ago and take actions. Is it too late for me? I hope not..

I wish I had read this 1 1/2 years ago before I finally gave in and started gambling too. Not sure why I did it, sometimes I think it was anger, spite , I wanted to get even with him. I ended up addicted to gambling too and am now in recovery with 33 days since my last bet.

My husband has not gambled either since the last day we went together. But, for the first 12 yrs. of our marriage I lived with the constant lies. Money was always missing. I tried everything to no avail. I couldn't stop him. I couldn't change him. I worked overtime while I was deathly sick just to pay the bills after he would waste his paycheck on gambling. There isn't an excuse in the world that I haven't heard as to where his money went. It went to his kids, he lent it to a friend, he lost it, his paycheck was wrong, it flew out the car window when he had a wreck, he paid the orthodontist with it. You name it, I've heard it.

As for taking out credit cards and loans in my name, yep, he did it. He also sold his truck and didn't pay off the Ford company (the truck was in my name) and I had to take a second mortgage on MY house (also in just my name) to pay off Ford cause he used the proceeds from the truck , 10,000 dollars to gamble with.

He also got us in trouble with both IRS and State Taxes for failure to report $24,000 in gambling income in 2008. I never knew he won a penny of it, he gave it all back to the casino.

Instead of me having a post office box, he had one. He used it to have his credit card statements and loan statements go to it so I wouldn't know.

Where we are today. Neither of us has gambled in 33 days. We have installed Gamblock on the computer (cause I was sick of hearing I'm playing poker for free). I am going to GA meetings. I am working my 12 step program. I am coming to DS everyday and learning as much as I can. He is saying that he isn't gambling and I haven't yet proved that he is. What I do know is, he isn't going to meetings or seeking any help. He says "I'm totally over it". But, I am still waiting on the bomb to drop (again) and when it does I plan to lawyer up. I am disabled, my income is only 1/4 what his is. I am gonna fight for spousal support . If he can afford to gamble, he can afford to pay me after making my life a living hell.

So, although I am finding serenity with my GA friends and this site, I still can't trust that he is doing the same.

My recommendation also would be that if you are married to a CG , do NOT file a joint tax return. You will be equally responsible for anything that they have done.

Good advice Deb, even though for me it may have come too late. My ex and I entered into a substantial loan together whereby part of paid off three credit card gambling debts. After taking out the loan and paying off her debt she leaves me, and then I find out that she is a previous bankrupt which means that I am left to pay off the loan on my own because she refuses to, and is not obliged to because my home is security against the loan, so I sure do relate to this post. The outcome? I am left high and dry, and without divine intervention of some kind, I lose my house. Meanwhile she still gambles away even though she claims that she doesn't.

All addictions have negative underlying causes, and gambling is no exception to. My ex comes from a very unhealthy family upbringing, the worst possible kind in fact, so I do understand her plight, regardless of though, she has destroyed me and our family unit, and for that, I find it very hard to completely forgive her, sadly I may never will, and why? Because out of all this, not only did she make me seriously ill (clinical depression - which led to a suicide attempt), but she has had me imprisoned, she has made me out to be a mental case and a criminal, neither of which I am, enough said.

I wish there was a way to reach spouses earlier on. It seems like you Love your Spouse so much that you can not believe that it is them, and you want to believe them no matter how many lies they have told you.

Just as the CG needs to hit Rock Bottom, it seems that the spouses ussually have to hold on long enough to where Rock Bottom is atleast in very plain view

In my case, my In-Laws never liked me very much. So when I would make my spouse leave the house in an effort to try and make her feel low enough to get help, they would take her in and believe terrible terrible lies about me that my spouse would tell them to avoid confronting the truth with them.

This has caused the disease to carry on years, and Hundreds of thousands of dollars longer than I believe it needed to if they would have stopped focussing on hating me, and started focussing on helping my beautiful wife.

No matter how much I try to work with them and beg them for help, their only answer is that I am terrible and need to stay away from their daughter.

Now she lives with them full time and we have stopped communicating for the most part, and I need to start the chain of events for divorce to protect me and my children.

I spent 4 years trying to help my wife get better, I lost 3 very successful businesses, 5 properties, over a million dollars, and hurt a lot of friends and family trying to help get my wife back, and despite numerous numerous pleas to her parents where I begged them to help me, they provided no help what so ever, and now when my wife finally hits rock bottom and hopefully has to start getting better, they take her in, sheild her from me, and use her current mental status to turn her against me and blame me for any and all problems.

I try to gather some close family and have an intervention and her parents stop it the first time, then the second time when I do it without their knowledge her father says he will not allow this to go on and tells everyone that my wife has never been happy with her life since the day she married me 14 years ago, and tries to control the room by continueing to tell everyone thins that are not true about me, while her mother cals a 1-800 number for gambling and has my wife get on the phone right then so that no one can talk directly to her, and she does not have to listen to or answer anything at her own intervention.

Her Mother tells everyone that I might not be bad, but I am very bad for her daughter. I just found out She tells our kids this on a regular basis as well.

For the last 4 years I could never had imagined giving up on my wife. Now there is No other option!

i wish I could have had someone show me that there was no way to stop this from happening. I was sure I was different, i loved my wife mre than any of the stories I read. I could Help my Wife. I could get her Healthy and back to the person She really is.

All I did was hurt everyone around, including myself and my 2 kids by not admitting that she will never be "my wife" again.

I am the mother of a CG I know exactly what it is like .it takes over everything .
Hope things work out for you
J x

I agree with the Codependendent No More by Melodie Beatty. Plus The New Codependency written by the same author. Also, pick up the Verbal Abusive Relationship book by Patricia Evans. Both help with the low self esteem issue with codepdency. Plz remember that our spouse's gambling addiction can keep the other person in a denial cycle at the same time. Read the books by Melodie Beatty. She has saved my life with her books. You will get alot out of these books. I also am married to a spouse that gambles. He is out right now gambling. I read the comments online, and have to say all this bailing the person out, etc is bad for the gambler. Keeps that person from facing their own embarassments, shame, bottom outs, etc. Totally a real thing. I would add that I found out today that if the spouse opens out a acct in his name, a joint acct with my name...I open an acct in my name. Well, I was pleased with my banker today. He said that if my husband overdraws his account, legally he is responsible for it. Our joint acct and my acct does not get dinged. My credit score stays okay. Gotta go. He is coming in door. will share later.

I am back. Husband went to bed. Safe now. Back to the bank info. Banker said his credit report would get dinged, not mine. Even if I chose not to bail spouse out due to spending too much money. His credit score would be affected, not mine. Also, don't forget about protecting any child's money ... make sure gambler does not have any access to the acct by making sure their name is not on the child's acct. They can't steal it if their name is not on it. Also get irrevocable beneficiary for life insurance. They can't get to it while they are alive and spend it before you know it. Also, if spouse is in denial (mine is), and I run the money. Give spouse an allowance after all household expenses are accounted for. All the info about getting all the money from spouse, deposited into another acct is correct. My spouse resorted to watching my hands and my login password (couldn't believe it) and stole money from my savings acct. You're right. They are resourceful. I just found out a week ago that it is fraud and a felony to steal the money. Well my bank told me to file a police report when that happens, then the bank will back me up. So, remember about hiding your passwords. And, the info about feeling suicidal about spousal gambling also happened to me about 2003-2004. That is also part of the codependency denial. Deep depression caused from other person's addiction. I had a victory today. I managed to get a Visa card without him on it, took me since 1994 to get it. I stopped working in 1999, and for the life of me...can't figure out why the bank gave me the card first before him. He brings home the money (deposits directly into joint acct, then I monitor his activities on joint acct).An angel had to be looking out for me, thank you God for my own credit card. Also, I just remembered something else...when spouse is on allowance, get the gas, groceries, medicines, household needs, do all that, and just give them allowance. That keeps them from spending too much money. Keep an eye out for verbal abuse. Good lord, the stuff spewing from his mouth is mean. Don't believe a word that spouse comes up with like mentioned before. They come up with lies, just like an alcoholic, drug abuser, and anything goes in the lying department. I am so relieved to see that there is info out there that is helpful. Also check the retirement money spouse has. And the pensions too. Spouse has the right to pension money when gambler dies. The oddest thing my spouse is coming up with is (since he is 66) he can draw money from social security, work at the same time, and the amount of social security will keep going up until the age of 70. I will check this out with soc sec office next work. I will post the soc sec info after I call the soc sec office myself. I heard from someone that they can only draw a certain amount while they are working full time. Gamblers are selfish. Will resort to anything for cash. I also discovered he had my social security card yesterday. The idea of getting credit in my name spooked me. I noticed he also had a card with my name (not activated-thank God) on it from our Line of Credit that was closed Oct 2010. What pissed me off is he spent $10k on Line of Credit while it was open (Got a refi and closed the account). Took out $7k from retirement, and $3,700 from the IRS and gave it to me to make up for it. Did not do any good, I added up all the figures and realized we could have had a car paid off. I also hear Al-Anon is very helpful in providing coping skills with the gamblers tactics. Stay informed. Always take care of yourself first. Also, set goals for yourself. It will help in bringing back joy into your own life. I have tried a few little ones for me, and feel some of it coming back. This is from Melody Beattie's books. A must for any spousal addiction, and I will keep on working on breaking this codependency cycle in me. It works. Fix me. I cannot fix spousal gambling. That is true. Good luck on your journey everyone. Peace.

Oh, another tip I just remembered. I now have to put my purse underneath the bed to keep him from getting to the cards to gamble with. I am also concerned about my bankruptcy being lifted Aug 2011. I didn't even have a say so in the bankruptcy. God, that is why he asked me to stop working in 1999. He was planning bankruptcy all that time. I agree about the staying employed while spouse is gambling. Do not stop working for a gambler. I still will post info from soc sec office about what I put online earlier about spousal gambler's taking money out before 70, etc after the call to soc sec. Thanks for listening. Peace on journey.

This one is an older thread but wow!.. There is a ton of great advice and information for spouses or significant others of compulsive gamblers here. Take a look, maybe something here will help you!

After 9 years of being villainized, marginalized, neutralized, and blamed for OUR blight...
I find myself at the inevitable end with this person that does not seem to have the capacity or mental recourses for realizing how sick she is. Much less any pain she has caused her fiends or family.
She continues onward deserted by all family and close friends. All realizing that the person they once knew and loved is no more. I have witnessed her metamorphosis into the Sociopathic Narcissistic Borderline that exists today.
My advice does not involve separate bank, internet searches for help for him/her, or visits to Bankers.
There is at very very best a 16% chance your gambler will recover. Bad odds, that your gambler will probably lie, cheat and steal to place a bet upon. The odds of them killing themselves is higher then that!
Take what little is left of your self-esteem and finances. RUN, RUN, RUN.
Your Gambler at Stage 4 is an EMTPY SHELL of the person you knew prior to reaching this point. They will never get back to where they were. That is a certainty.
There is nothing you can do for them.
My advice is abandon a sinking ship.