Can you take his keys when he isnt looking? Get someone to disable the car so it wont drive? Get help from the DMV? Is there a service to take seniors to the doctor. Private or from the county? Or can you or a relative or neighbor take him? Maybe a volunteer service that takes elderly around when they cant drive.

Barbara

He definitely should no longer be driving. Yes he will be mad but that is just what has to be done. Get hose keys any way you can or take the battery out of the car.

Getting lost and being a bad driver are not always the same thing, but the are in the same zip code (so to speak). My father, near the end of his life, always drove the same way when going places, never varied due to driving conditions. He was compensating.

Perhaps it really is time, at 91 years old, to take his keys away from him.

Have you called out your mother on her behavior? Asked her why she is talking that way about her husband? Asked her how she would feel if you talked that way about her?

I am sorry you are in this situation.

Gentle hugs

My dad's first symptoms of the dementia that killed him manifested in taking wrong turns and getting lost driving

call the highway patrol and ask for the form to submit to recommend that they retest your dad on his driving test....I am a driving instructor....it happens all the time...I get a call from 80-90 something year old who the highway patrol was told that they are bad driver and need retesting...they investigate it and then make them take the test in car with a normal examiner who does this every day of the week....they will evaluate him and if he does fail test he loses his license...cannot get it back either....but it keeps him from driving then....

My mom is 91 and she had accident in 2010.....I was very surprised the police that came did not recommend that she take the test....but I would have taught her to pass that test myself too...LOL Mom can do it...I ride with her she is good...she had sun glint her eye while she was suffering from cateracts....she ran the car into a wall on the turn she was making....totaled it...

but this way he never knows who turned him in...he does not even know someone turned him in the highway patrol does not tell them that....I did it to a lady who had license but could not drive who took one lesson with me and I knew she had cheated somehow on the test with someone else posing as her....they investigated but then I never heard anything again....she was in 30-40yrs old range....she was muslim and wore scarf on head for photos....so anyone looking like her could have posed as her and taken that test...she never did take test and pass I know for sure from my driving in parking lot for 45mins with her and her never understanding how to make the car drive in parking lot....so I called highway patrol and filed out their form....

thanks o much for the support and I like the idea of the driving test. he is fime driving around town, he simply can not drive to appts alone and no one knew but my mother. yes they have senior services, he actually helps out on the senior van in the spring and summer!!! great idea about turning it at=round on my mother, she is constantly making fun of him, it drives me crazy. it is all very sad and my mother refuses to use senior service as she will cry and say she can not go in alone even though dad is with her, she is to nervous and wants one of us in the room to help her undress, well she undresses everyday and the nurses are there. I could just scream! thanks again

Good for you Bill, that was a great story! I don't think anyone should be allowed to wear anything that impedes their features during a test or photo.

I didn't know about this form; the town police never mentioned it to us. If I had known about this way before my father passed, I would have filled that out in a heartbeat!

My mom is still driving. She does well around town. She even will drive to my sister's house which is 75 minutes away...but is happier if I do it.
I also got mom a garmin that has all 3 kids and her own address in the memory. I told her if she ever gets lost, she can just press "go home"
This is less for her memory than for her getting rattled if there are road closures and detours. My husband (65) will not drive without his. It has come in handy when there are accidents and they detour us.
Not saying this is for your dad, but maybe for others, who have parents getting older, but still driving.

Thanks for the info, I never knew about the form. My mom doesn't drive , but I have friends whose parents shouldn't be driving. I will tell them.
Sorry you are going through this Ann, it's so hard with both parents
in dementia.

bill, in ny would I call the state troopers or local police, I have never heard of this either, and would like to get it done. I meant to thank you for that info. thank you to all who understand how difficult aging parents are to handle and how it upsets us.

My father said that when I said it was time for him to stop driving he would do so, no questions asked. His driving was kind of, well, not up to par. But I drove with him several times and it did not seem dangerous.

He died before I felt it was time to make the decision. I got lucky, in a way.

I do agree though, all states should have such a program where concerned family and friends can turn people in for testing. If we could stop seniors from driving onto sidewalks and things like that it would be well worth it.

im happy you didn't have to do that pepperman and good for your dad on acknowledging and accepting that the day may come. i agree all stated should have some program.

At my last appointment, I asked my doctor about being forgetful. I found my keys in the freezer one day which freaked me out. He said this, "Everyone puts things in the wrong place. WE get distracted and put our keys in the freezer and the ice cream in the cupboard. That is normal life stress. Come see me when you think your keys BELONG in the freezer."

Reminds me of a story about my horseshoer. He was upset and thought he was losing it because he kept misplacing his hammer.

I told him as long as he did not think his hammer was used to start his truck he was ok.

Turned out one of the horses was stealing and hiding it when he was not looking! She would pick it up from his work bench real sneaky like and drop it back into her stall.

it is funny the way you tell these stories. I actually asked my friend if she thought I was losing it, early dementia, I have trouble, with figuring how to get somewhere, mind blanks if it is not my usual way and I have lived here my whole life!! she reassured me I am fine, it is normal! to funny about the horse. I like those doctors!