On May 5th my husband and I celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary. We did not celebrate with family and friends, we did not go out to dinner, he didn't get me flowers and we did not make love. You see he is paralyzed and brain damaged from a massive stroke 2 1/2 yrs ago. I am his 24/7 caregiver. He spends every day in his wheel-chair looking out our front window. I do everything now alone, I call myself "a one woman show". My neighbors must pity me because they always bring the garbage cans back up the driveway.

I don't pity me.....I'm just happy to still have him near me, to see his eyes every morning, to dress him, feed him, give him his meds. He is still the man I married 40 yrs ago .....just different. That's what I think "For better or For Worse" is all about.

Hugs to my fellow caregivers, Gwen

Thanks, Patricia for adding your perspective. I am looking forward to reading more of our Caregiver Friends' interpretation on "FBOFW" !!!!!!

LOL...my neighbors always bring up my trash cans too!!! Yeah, the "for better or worse" part of the vows.....Sadly, our "better" was less than five years after we said "I do" and for the last 18 years it has been "for worse". It takes it's toll on me,

KiddoGal, sorry to read about your FBOFW situation. It must be so hard. I'm only 2 years into this new life. I don't know what 10 or 20 years from now will be like. I just hope my hubby is still with me...
Love, MelodyJane

Shortly after I married my wife Karen, she (and I in it's own way) had to battle severe Bi-Polar disease. Her doctor at the time told me I could expect 12 yrs of hell ahead, and he was completely right. The mania cycle put extreme stress on our marriage, and in 92' when she needed to burn the snakes out of the house (loss of our home) I began divorce proceedings when she was hospitalized. It was at that point, I realized if I did so, she would have no place to go, no ability to hold a job, and would probably become a ward of the state. I cancelled the divorce proceedings and I knew too I had to take care of her. By then the true love was lost, but the vows of FBOFW took hold. Then 8 yrs later parkinsons, lupus, and fibromyalgia, hit her hard. After a difficult retirement trip to Alaska in 2007, she became bed ridden and I became a full time 24/7 caregiver until her passing this past January. We were married nearly 33 yrs, but most of those years were very difficult. For me, most of that time was FBOFW, but some of it was also because no one else would take care of her, and some of it was just because I didn't want her to be hurt by my leaving. She didn't deserve that, since so much of her actions and problems were out of her control. I will readily admit however, that if I had known in 92' what the future was to be, I probably would have continued the divorce proceedings, though guilt may have stopped me.

Though very difficult staying in a marriage FBOFW when in the caregiving family, I have learned several things about myself for the experience. I am much more patient with others than I've ever been; I feel more compassion and understanding of those people that are dealing with serious problems but having a difficult time; I've learned to enjoy every free minute; and most of all, I've learned to accept those things I have no control over and just deal with it the best I can.

I am proud to be part of this group of caregivers that deal with the "FW" part of FBOFW of the marriage vows.

Thank you, Dan for responding on this thread. I read your journals & know how difficult it was for you, & I thank you for staying with this group to help others.
Love, MelodyJane

We caregivers certainly are not quitters are we? I think we are where we are because we not only take FBOFW seriously but we treat others the way we would want to be treated. We are compassionate. I remember years ago praying to be more compassionate. But God doesn't just hand a trait like that over, you have to learn it and earn it. And boy have we.

And ditto on the trash cans. My neighbors have been good about that since hubby has been in the hospital.

Sandy- you are SO right!
We are not quitters !!!
We are survivors, winners, happy, sad, grateful & sometimes hateful, loving, caring, hardworking, exhausted & genuine human beings. We hold the world in our hands & in our hearts.
Love, MelodyJane

You ladies and gents are amazing. I have tears in my eyes at your selfless love.
I am blessed to have been married for 23 years having been with my husband for 26 years in total. He is at present healthy. I am a care giver to our son who has a profound brain injury. I share my burden with my husband, you guys often have no one to share your burden with. My you be given extra strength, peace and moments of joy in your days.
I like to think that i would stand by my husband FBOFW.

Thank you, daisydip, for adding your perspective & your compliments! I wish better health for your little guy, now that his meds are adjusted. I am an Epileptic (over 2 years seizure free now) & remember those days when the AED's had me almost in a comatose state. I had to deal with my seizing alone- while I was battling this disorder my husband was in this rig 6 days a week. I was scared many many days to be by myself.
Love, MelodyJane

Hello, Everyone!
This thread has turned out to be terrific! I am looking forward to more perspectives on FBOFW.
Love to all,
MelodyJane

Melody.......you are a great new voice ! Thank you !! :-)

Oh, and how do the rest of those vows go??? Richer or poorer? Sickness and health. Better or worse.... well.... I tell my hubby we've had that the "poorer, sicker and worse" part, so now I'm waiting for the better, richer, healthier part! LOL

But seriously, we've been married since 1994 and I tell you, at first, everything was wonderful (though not necessarily "richer" money-wise). I will never forget those early days, but damn, if he didn't start to fall apart on me, health-wise around 2000...

But I am in it for the long run. This is what love is all about. And I believe he would have done the same for me.

And I so admire those of you who keep those vows. Because that's what marriage is all about.

Take care.

Hi Molly, Remember me ? I just want you to know that I still continue to follow your blog.And I donated to it. I wish all the best for you and Bob. I wish every day we were still friends . I am so happy you are still here at DS enjoying the great folks here. One thing I've learned during my caregiver journey is to ........Never judge, never ignore and always keep asking to be friends. Can we be friends ?

Hugs, Gwen

Thank you, Molly, for your perspective on FBOFW. I am certainly enjoying everyone's perspective on such a difficult path. It's comforting to know we all walk it, but in our own way!