that is just sooooo wrong....how can they turn thier back on sister and her kids...i just dont know about people....i understand why u would feel like u do though....u will b in my prayers.

I've been caring for my sister for almost a year now. When she was hospitalized, every sibling made an effort to visit her often. Now that she's living with me, they rarely visit or help in any way, unless begged. It makes me very angry but I haven't said anything to any of them. I don't even ask them to visit anymore. Family, what family?

thank you both. i just don't get it, you know?! my wife's own brother, the only sibling, and he's too busy...except for his job. i have never met such "un-together", self-absorbed people in my life. i do my best to play the bad guy by having burned bridges. unfortunately this also means rare occasions with my nephews who don't know just how selfish their parents are. my biggest beef is my wife's acceptance of the way his family is, including a mother that is judgmental, critical and only occasionally helpful. i told my wife that i will not be pretending for anyone's sake any longer.... coming to 4-years since her initial hospitalization and no change...ugh.

I know how you feel. My husband's family has pretty much abandoned him since his stroke. His mother came to visit when he was in the hospital and she thought he was dying but after crying so many tears about losing her "only son" left and haven't heard boo from her since, that was nine months ago. He survived and is severely disabled and now she can't even pick up the phone to call or give some financial help (she's loaded)... don't get me started.... And his children (from a former marriage) not a word from them. Ditto his sisters. Lord, I could go on and on......

I guess when times are tough you find out who really cares and loves you and can be thankful for those people, even if they not related by blood. I found that it is somewhat surprising the people who stick with you through thick and thin are not always the ones you expected. Blood is not thicker than water, regardless of what they say. Best thing is to let go, you can tear yourself up if you don't. You can't control other people. It's hard. I understand and feel for you. We are going through a very similar situation.

Hang in there. And hang on to your love for each other. And never forget.....

thank you all. i have been trying to let go for nearly 4-years. each mention, appearance (which is maybe 2-3x per year) just brings back a flood of reminders...SIGH. the hardest thing is how my wife is pretending like everything is okay. at times, i don't know if she realizes that her own children have been neglected by her family during the toughest of times. she continues to act as though everything is okay... believe me, i've told her everything. honestly not certain what or how it is that i expect her to react...maybe like i am.....

My guess is your wife's priorities are just different from yours right now. I know it must be hard on you not having her support in this situation, but if she is at peace with the way things are, that's good for her, right?

wtd13,

her being at peace actually complicates things... her family essentially dismissed the needs of a 2-year old when she was first diagnosed. with the second serious wave of hospitalizations, they then dismissed the now 6-yr old and daughter who is 3 yrs old. not even an honest attempt to watch them for a weekend, or help in any other way... in the darkest times, they have been absent and it makes me hurl to see my wife and "them" pretend like we're a happy family. i have confronted my wife about my feelings and how i perceive her attitude as an acceptance of the neglect... no, her being fine with it is only worse...

Trust me, you're not alone!
and this is a safe place to vent.
I hae 8 sister-in laws! most of whom are wonderful dear ladies...and a few that reek havoc where ever they go.

Hello soccerrprp, good afternoon. I hope God gives you peace and strength to handle the situation what you are going through. I understand you feel bad due to your wife's reaction feeling peaceful about everything. if possible(i know it is difficult and does not make sense)..think of what else your wife can do ? she is already immobile and depending upon you. Even if her family members not doing anything..she has no control over it..correct ? do you want your wife to tel her family members to help her and you and ur kids..these things..u cannot tell others to help you since they already know and not doing anything. I know it is tough..if you feel anger towards those family members who do not help u..just ignore them..it is okay to ignore rather than getting high emotions due to them..since you already are taking care of your wife and family and why do u need to add additional problems. you are a wonderful person taking care of your wife.

also..your wife going thro whatever health issues she is going through may also be angry at her family but again since she cannot do anything..maybe she is accepting the things as is.

please do not worry about how ur wife or others act..I feel..just pray to God for help and help can come in many ways through many people..they may not be your family members only..anyone who helps us is our family.

Iknow i know it is easy to say but difficult for the person who is in that situation. by just accepting the things and the people they are..it will help our mind to be calm and this will give us energy tohandle the tasks at hand. if we feel angry..it will consume so much of our energy and losing this energy on the people who do not care is not worth it.

Do whatever you can and leave the rest to God and again..please ignore if I am not making sense..these are just my humble opinions and I hope this will calm your mind and sending prayers to you and your family.

Regards.

thank you. trying to keep my cool about it. found a picture of my son with my wife's brother. a recent photo of the two of them during my son's b-day party. my children have little (really no) conscience desire to be with my wife's family. this is what it has come to. anyway, saw this picture on my sister-in-laws facebook account... my first response was "what a sham!" anyway, doing my best to distance myself from them, but more fallout is bound to come...SIGH

I haven't heard a peep from my mother in the 4 months since my husband's traumatic brain injury and subsequent coma, vegetative state, etc. She hasn't even bothered to call or so much as send a card to her grandchildren (our sons) 9 and 12.

Screw her.

It may just be your wife doesn't have the energy to get angry and has just accepted her family for who they are. It is very sad when you cannot count on family to help you out in a time of crisis. I know it is difficult not to be angry but it is just wasted energy. Hugs and prayers coming your way for you and your family.

Kiki123,

I'm sorry to hear about your husband. I feel terrible complaining about this when there are others in worse situations than I. I apologize for sounding so selfish. I know that it's wasted energy.

My thoughts and prayers to all of you and thank you for listening. God knows that I need it...

soccerrprp,

You are NOT being selfish at all! On the contrary, your situation is very stressful and you want the best for your wife and children and it royally gets my goat when family fails us like that. I mean, really?!

I have to say that I agree with sosad that your wife maybe doesn't have the energy to get angry and/or has just accepted her family for who they are. I don't much care for the way my mother has remained totally unsupportive but I've found a sense of peace about it by just accepting it and moving on. I've got bigger fish to fry and I'm not going to waste my very precious energy over that particular situation any more.

Perhaps that's where your wife is in her thinking. It isn't always easy for people to articulate such things. Especially people who are under a great deal of stress. It's like the brain says, "Screw that, I gotta deal with THIS."

Also, I'm a firm believer that no one person's upsetting experience is any greater or lessor than anothers. Your situation and my situation may be different, but that doesn't lesson the value or significance of how you feel about a given situation. Absolutely no apology necessary.

Be well and I'll be sure to pray for your situation.

Kiki

I feel so bad for all of you. Terrible situation to find yourself in. I have come to realize that the only person I have control over is the one I see in the mirror. You can't change them but you can accept the fact that they are just not going to be there for you and look for your support elsewhere. As far as your wife, I agree with everybody else, seems she has come to terms with it/them or has just said I can't deal with them too and let it go. Will pray for Peace for you.