Bullying Support Group
Bullying is the act of intentionally causing harm to others, through verbal harassment, physical assault, or other more subtle methods of coercion such as manipulation. Bullying can be defined in many different ways, but one thing is clear: no one deserves to be bullied. If you or someone you know is coping with bullying, this is the place to share your feelings and get...
I have been in schools, the military, and workplaces in which the following takes place.
A person (the victim) is bullied, harrassed, ridiculed, blamed, taunted, or otherwise abused relentlessly by someone (the bully). Finally, the victim feels he or she has had enough of the abuse, and speaks out or otherwise takes a stand against the bully.
A person in charge (supervisor, teacher, coach, chain of command, boss, etc) who had been possibly aware of the ongoings, yet completely silent while the abuse took place, upon finding that the victim is finally taking action or speaking up, announces that punishment will be doled out. But to make the punishment nondiscriminatory, both parties (the victim and the bully) will be punished, under the notion that "it doesn't matter who started it".
This type of 'justice' encourages the bully, who loves any type of positive or negative attention, including punishment, but it won't be a disincentive to further bullying because the bully pretty much laughs at any kind of punishment.
The victim of the bullying is punished as well, and learns the following lesson, whether intended or not: Speaking up against a bully or acting to stop bullying will not be tolerated and will result in punishment. So the victim learns to keep his or her mouth shut and is forced to endure the abuse until finally the victim leaves or does something drastic in protest to the whole situation, possibly leading to more severe punishment or at the least, a partially destroyed life.
Before anyone says this is insane and never happens, please allow people who have been in this type of situation to reply. I can attest to the reality of this type of scenario because I have endured it more than once as a victim. You may know of other reasons why bullying behavior is prevalent as well, and I would like to know what your experiences have been. If we are ever to do something to lessen bullying, we need to know and understand the social dynamics of why it occurs and why it is continued.
A person (the victim) is bullied, harrassed, ridiculed, blamed, taunted, or otherwise abused relentlessly by someone (the bully). Finally, the victim feels he or she has had enough of the abuse, and speaks out or otherwise takes a stand against the bully.
A person in charge (supervisor, teacher, coach, chain of command, boss, etc) who had been possibly aware of the ongoings, yet completely silent while the abuse took place, upon finding that the victim is finally taking action or speaking up, announces that punishment will be doled out. But to make the punishment nondiscriminatory, both parties (the victim and the bully) will be punished, under the notion that "it doesn't matter who started it".
This type of 'justice' encourages the bully, who loves any type of positive or negative attention, including punishment, but it won't be a disincentive to further bullying because the bully pretty much laughs at any kind of punishment.
The victim of the bullying is punished as well, and learns the following lesson, whether intended or not: Speaking up against a bully or acting to stop bullying will not be tolerated and will result in punishment. So the victim learns to keep his or her mouth shut and is forced to endure the abuse until finally the victim leaves or does something drastic in protest to the whole situation, possibly leading to more severe punishment or at the least, a partially destroyed life.
Before anyone says this is insane and never happens, please allow people who have been in this type of situation to reply. I can attest to the reality of this type of scenario because I have endured it more than once as a victim. You may know of other reasons why bullying behavior is prevalent as well, and I would like to know what your experiences have been. If we are ever to do something to lessen bullying, we need to know and understand the social dynamics of why it occurs and why it is continued.
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I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
I am reminded of an old French song, only part of which I can recall, which contained the following line:
"This animal is evil, for when attacked, it defends itself."
Punishing victims when they defend themselves is the real evil.
I have a feeling that school teachers and principals, and supervisors in workplaces, often take the wrong approach to bullying because they don't have a clue about what really ought to be done.
But if I'm going to criticize, I can't do so without offering a possible solution to the problem.
Sensitivity Training Seminars are held at schools and workplaces to help avoid lawsuits over harassment and discrimination based on sex, gender, race, ethnicity, country of origin, disability, and other traits or conditions.
What if sensitivity training included 'how to handle bullying' in schools and workplaces? What if it were mandated by law or at least encouraged by organizations that work to stop bullying?
If you were conducting a course/class/speech on bullying in schools or workplaces, what would you say?
If you do...
they (the bullies) just make it worse
or
the teachers/principal/whoever just says to go on, that it's just a part of growing up or that your just making it up/exaggerating
you get used to it after a while...and learn to deal with it. (some ways healthier than others)
I'm in my 30's now and have learned that it is best to just avoid people like this. Supportive and kind people are hard to come by in this day and age, so it's not necessarily a bad thing to have just a few good friends.
It sounds like most schools just want to turn their heads to problems like this. It's sad that life can be a war zone just by walking out our front doors every day.
The Bible says to stay away from spiritually dangerous situations, so unless you're up for a battle, stay away from bullies and do the best that you can in school.
The reason people bully is about their egos. They can't stand to not have everything their way. For instance, my right to not post my picture was a real sore spot with this particular bully and the fact that I would take time off from DS without letting this person know I was about to do this. Well, I can't put my depression on a calendar like a planned vacation and let everyone know that I may be gone. Geez, for crying out loud. I was constantly being berated for not letting this person know. This person let me know by these actions that I did not count, only the control this person lost was important. I hope this brings some light upon the subject of bullies. Thanks for listening.
The "tattletale" I was considered that got me into the same situation was worth the effort to expose the bully in the end. It did, however, take its toll on my well-being, and it is not the first method I will try in the future if the situation comes again.
I was not aware that there is a bully support group here, and am glad that someone pointed it out to me.
In an investigation, all information is processed. That means that both the people involved are going to be held accountable for their actions. The first advice "ignore" given is to stop the situation from escalating into legal quagmire.
If one person clearly breaks a criminal law in their bullying without response, retaliation, reaction from the other person, then the person who breaks the criminal law can be charged and prosecuted.
For workplaces, it is difficult to know exactly how the policy will actually be handled in person. What this means is that sometimes, both people are removed even though the problem is created by one person being a bully. The workplace is professional and it is easier to remove the entire problem for some employers.
Police officers in neighborhoods are trying to build communication, and often their kind words of respect can help diffuse a tense situation created by bullying tactics.
In the classroom, it is a matter of perspective to be able to put the problem on the table, address the situation in a professional manner and establish a positive resolution that helps stop the cyberbullying without punishing the person who took the time, the courage, and the tattle to the authority in charge.
It will take a strong, positive, and public group such as this one to help bring awareness of ways to stop bullying to the normal process in our society.
Best wishes to all!