You sound like a nice guy but this is one of those times that "nice" is seriously overrated. Your response to happy stories (her new job) baffles me. I think you must be still trying to show her.... blah, blah, blah. She is feeding you kibbles. Please see Chumplady.com immediately. Bitter and cynical may be your friends for a little while. Honestly "hope" rhymes with "dope" and neither will get you the acceptance you need to shoot that poor horse an the head and move on being nice gentle and kind to yourself. This is the path that will stop the bleeding. It is working for me. Please take care, you are worth it.

I totally understand your situation. But in my case, my wife made it clear that her still living with me is purely financial. She's moving out as soon as she can afford to. With her recent hire (starts working in 2 weeks) she estimates she'd have enough money for a deposit and first month's rent by end of March as well.
Luckily, we have no debt together. The only ongoing payment is her dental bills for braces she got that I'm paying monthly, since she was under my dental plan. This bill is under her name, so I'm thinking once she leaves, I will stop making payment and make her pay it herself. But I wonder, even if it's under her name, it's my dental insurance that was used. If I stop making payments, will it negatively affect me or just her? She's not financially responsible, so I'm pretty sure she won't be payng the dental bill on time.

As Elem8 said, I'm not going to keep playing the nice guy for long, since what she decided to do to our family wasn't nice. I decided to give up on hope and be more realistic of what's happening. I agree being cynical is your/our friend now and being cynical will help us from additional hurt.

I just don't want to pass away any chance of turning things around. I do love her and for good reasons. She has told me "I don't want to give you false hope but I do want you to have hope for us."

Pass is not what I typed but I guess it will serve.

"She has told me "I don't want to give you false hope but I do want you to have hope for us." "

I'm not even sure what this means. Sounds to me like she wants you on the hook for friendship and maybe financial help. That's a bad trap to fall into. I made it clear to my ex when she left my covering her overdrafts and bills and everything else was over. And she is giving you false hope with that very comment. If she has made it clear she is leaving then that is all you need to know. Nothing else she can say or do matters as long as she is on the way out. Standing by wringing your hands with false hope and glimmers of reconciliation because she may smile or laugh...I lived that for 3 weeks until I told her to accelerate her exit. You can't heal under those circumstances.

It is the kind of thing my ex said for several months
stringing along
Insurance policy for her self

I've known this woman for 14 years. She is not deceptive. Why do I doubt her now? Why should I? I know I could easily end all chance of her actually trying to get her head on straight. My pain and frustration is trying to force my hand which could crush all hope.

I am sorry for your pain and struggles. You may hang on and maybe things will work out. Or the opposite. I would maybe discuss with her what things you guys are going to do to work on things. If she needs to completely move out she is really unsure they will work. I was one that chose to move myself even tho while working on us he chose to be done.

My husband seemingly changed almost over night. For so many years he was caring, sweet and dedicated to his family. Then out of the blue he is cruel, has no regard for my feelings, barely see his children. Doesn't think this is hurting them. My husband asked me about insurance too. I carry the insurance. I also make more money so we have used some of our savings to buy things for his new apartment. Is it possible he is stringing me along until he has everything he needs. I just don't know. I can't give up hope. I want to...but I cant.

And I was with my wife for 24 years. And she changed. It happens and it happened. I can only tell you the mistakes I made after she dropped the hammer. Maybe your situation will be different. But I've read enough in the last year to know the chances of her "coming to her senses" are extremely low. Take care of yourself. It's a long road but a year later I'm still breathing. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger. It takes time though I'm not gonna lie.

You know this woman so well, but I bet it was a shock when she dropped the divorce bomb on you.

I don't think she has a reason to be deceptive because you are allowing her to have her cake and it too. She can save her money while you pay down marital debt. She can wait to decide on insurance because you have it handled so why should she rush? She can live in your home because she is saving her money and has no immediate need to get out. She can sit there and share her feelings and tell you about her day, she she gets the benefit of having a shoulder to lean on.

Oh, but she wants nothing to do with you. Absolutely nothing.

She IS being deceptive, my friend.

IDontmake, you could be MY husband. The reason I am saying this is because I sound like your wife. The only difference is that we don't have kids and I am not starting a new job.
I am not sure if what I am about to say will help you at all or even if this is what transpired in your marriage, I am only asking that you take a second look at what you wrote.
In our marriage is was the person solely responsible for our finances. My husband never knew how much came in or how much went out. It was all left up to me. So, I did the best that I could to ensure that we never lacked in anything.
We both worked our way up from nothing to being in a really good position right now. I, too, took out most of the credit cards we had. What did I used the credit cards for? I don't have closets full of clothes. I didn't go and have my hair or nails done.
We would go on day trips and WE (together) would spend a lot of money on stuff for the house. New pots here, a new TV there, etc.
His only question was: Can we afford it. Could we afford it? Yes. I just had to tweek our finances a bit.
So, when we'd run short because HE bought a pair of $300 cowboy boots (he already owned 10 pair) or another $170 cowboy hat (of which he also has at least 8), I would use the credit cards to cover those shortages.
If you were to look at our credit card charges, they consist of groceries, utilities, gas for the cars and restaurant charges. I set up our income tax so that we got back $10,000 - 12,000 every year. With that I would pay off the credit cards. Just recently my husband complained that 'just once I would like to NOT have to pay off credit cards with our taxes' - he has still yet to ask to see the credit card bills in order to see WHY it goes that way.
My question to you is this: with your wife having been a stay at home mom, with you having kids and only one income - have you ever wondered how she makes ends meet?
I do not know your circumstances, it just struck me that we are so similar in our plight that it prompted me to write.