Hi Heave,

I understand your dilemma. I was just talking to my best friend about this yesterday. She is the outgoing one in our duo; if we go out, she's all over the place talking to everyone. I am much reserved and shy.

But I will say this, smiling and making eye contact will make a difference.

What you wear and how you carry yourself is important. Wear something that makes you feel good. You will feel more confident in yourself if you are confident in your appearance.

And Vac is right, it just takes practice. Don't look for anything other than, "I'd like to meet some new friends." Open with some fairly innocent questions, "You ladies look like you're having a good time. Are you celebrating something special?" My friend and I often have had guys ask us how we got to be such good friends and that starts a conversation.

I'm a shy person too, Heave, so I know where you're coming from. But practice makes perfect. Good luck.

Always had this problem. Still shy compared to my online personality. Sometimes shyness just boils down to fear of rejection. When you have gone through enough rejection, you kind of get used to it and the shyness fades.

I am also very shy and just would rather stay in my safe little place and not venture too far out.

Pasta, they spend so much time dancing because dancing is the best. the best part of the night, anyway.

Women who are single are supposed to get up and walk around alot, like find reasons to go to the bathroom, go check out the specials board, see someone they know across the room. this is supposed to help you shy guys out.

My friend told me on the phone last night to start wearing a big fake cubic z on my ring finger. that it would be a psychic turn on. I found that depressing...

but interesting. I may do it, just to see if I feel different. I did it in a high school retail job (just a band, cubic was not big then, I'm old) ... and it worked liked I wanted, different agenda back then.

you guys are sweet...

I'm shy as well so I totally understand. So far no one has suggested a different venue to meet someone of the opposite sex. Maybe a bar isn't the best place or atmosphere. I don't know haven't done that in years. Just a suggestion,but I'd be interested in knowing what some of you have to say.
On line dating...gee I'm not sure if that's the best answer either. Heard so many horror stories with people posting profiles that don't come close to who they really are.

Oh God.........

I am terribly uncomfortable and shy also with new people. I am working on this though and there is a lot of good advice in this thread to help overcome it. I think the key factor is being comfortable and confident. As said it may take practice. Having no expectations of an outcome other than having an interesting conversation would lead to no disapointment or rejection also. All you want is to have a conversation with someone who looks interesting to you . If they reject you for that I think they are probably not worth talking to anyway.

I don't think I could really add at all really to the advice already given. I will be taking from it though to help when I feel it is time for me to move on. Good luck Heave and man I think try and have some fun with this. Even if it is talking not only just to woman but striking up conversations with guys you don't know also (they might have a hot sister lol). It will I think boost your confidence all around.

And damn yes do you have some stories to tell.

You just want to talk right - at least at first - so if someone rejects a little conversation then who wants to have anything to do with them??

YOU NEED TO APPROACH SOMEONE CAUSE SHE MAY BE JUST AS SHY AS YOU ARE. WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE JUST TO GAIN IF YOU HAD SIMILAR INTERESTS.

I've never gone to a bar in order to meet anybody. Mixing drinking with loud music and dim lighting just turns me off in a big way. I have met women in other ways such as through my cycling, school, church, and even in the aisles of the grocery, library, or hardware store.

It's hard to be confident while conversing if you are speaking about a subject that you are unfamiliar with. Most women are not going to want to speak about sports, cars, military history, or tools. However, they do like to talk about art, music, their children, architecture, poetry, gardening, and books. Take some time (or courses) to learn some basics on these subjects. Not only will it give you something to speak about but you may actually meet a nice woman while learning.

One of your problems may be that you've set narrow guidelines. Instead of concentrating on thin women, look at women who not be so slim but have an active, outgoing personalities. I really don't worry about conventional standards of beauty especially since I'm no Brad Pitt myself. As far as I'm concerned, intelligence and loyalty trumps looks every time.

I'm with Steven on that. I meet more men at Lowes hardware store than anywhere else. I'm also by myself there. Most women go to bars with their friends and it is harder to approach them.

You sail and I would suggest that you exploit that.

"Just do it"


Seriously, just go and introduce yourself. Rejections sucks, but unless you go and "just do it" you won't know what the reaction will be. May turn out better than you think. You are a cop for crying out loud lol. That is an automatic check on your score card. ;)


Now, it's time for christy to take her own advice.

approach it all on a friendly level, without making it seem your on the prowl. making new friends is a great thing, even if it's only for an evening.

I think you need to approach these woman on the basis of friendship because it is obvious to most woman if the guy is just trying to see what he can get from her. You may find yourself drawn to thinner woman but you also made a comment on not being as good looking as you would like but that you had been to the gym working on the new you. My question to you is will the person you are inside change when you get this more perfect image you want girls to see? Maybe you should take a chance with a girl who is not the perfect 10 and see who she really is inside. You may be shocked at who you find that will give you all the love that you never thought you would get.

Coming from someone who's also shy, just strike up a non-threatening conversation. Like maybe if there's a tv screen or a performer...comment on what's going on.

Otherwise bring a more outgoing friend to help get into convos with those beautiful women.