Well, heck, since you eliminated the obvious answer, 'alcohol', I'm stumped.

I have this strange thing where I am very social and outgoing in an environment with which I am familiar, or if I have friends around, but am completely paralysed when I have to just start 'cold'. If you're sitting there alone, well, that would be daunting! Maybe head out with a friend to alleviate the 'deer in headlights' effect.

It's easier than you think, Heave.

The worst thing a woman can say is "no".

That's it. Two little letters. And there's usually not enough time to get your heart involved, so the amount of rejection is minimal.

Accept rejection as a possible outcome, but not THE outcome that you will get. It's a gamble, and you're not going to be able to hit it off with everyone you meet. That's okay, it's their loss.

Definately feel your pain. Don't know what it takes to get my confidence up. It will probably be better once I have about another month or working out because I am starting to look okay...Soon I might almost look good.

Wish I could approach people in uniform. I look good in uniform and have tons of confidence. Oh well, best not to mix business with pleasure.

Looks are one thing. But confidence trumps looks.

You gotta trust me on this one.

Confidence isn't one of my strongholds. It comes and goes. If I am out of my comfort zone then I am done for.

There were several times where I could have said something to a woman. I would sit there and try to figure out if she was too young for me or not and then if she was single or not. By the time I tried to calculate things she would be gone.

One of them would have been tough because she was in a group with four other women. The other women were older women and she looked to be 24-25 (this is an acceptible range for me as I am 30). Just didn't know how to approach her so I played the chicken again.

Here's the key to confidence:

You find one nugget of truth about yourself, and you build everything up around that.

Doesn't matter what it is really. It can be almost anything.

I am a good guy.
I'm a great bowler.
I find Woody Allen movies pretentious.

Doesn't matter what it is. THAT is going to be the basis for everything else. You make it something that is true now, it will be true in 5 minutes, and in 20 minutes it will still be true, regardless of whether you have a woman on your arm or not.

Once you know this truth about yourself, this truth that cannot be changed or taken away, the confidence will flow.

i dont want to bring the sex thing into it but its the same for us shy women so im taking all the advise as unisex - but eye contact is good if occasionally accross the room - i would imagine at first or i know i would look away from eye contact at first but im sure it would get easier the more you practice .. thnaks

Yes, it works for both genders. :)

I have nothing else to add here. I'm just trying to bury the 'Wow Sex' thread.

I should really go to sleep now.

I am lucky enough to know myself and know how I am.

That being said....I have serious anxiety. It is social anxiety and also I am just an anxious person. I think about what can happen and it kills confidence.

IT is wierd because my true self seldom comes through until people know me for a while. People think that I am easy to talk to and a great guy.....Meeting face to face I can clam up and someone doesn't realize this.

Not sure why I am like this but I really have a hard time fighting it. I have always been bad at meeting new people unless I am introduced but I am outside of my social circle anymore because I am now getting divorced. Don't have any friends my age that I go out with. I am always all by my onesies so it makes it hard for me to step out.

I am not sure how to build myself up.

How would you say it would be best for a guy to approach a situation where there is a girl that attracks him but she is in a group of her female friends and they are talking? Any suggestions?

I will probably be blasted for this but I am going to say this.....

Women have it so much easier in the dating world than guys. Most of the time guys are expected to make the first move and I have never had a woman come after me and make the first move. All women have to do is sit there and wait for the guy to approach.

That one is hard, my friend.

Unless you have a wingman, but even then it's risky.

Women appreciate men who are upfront. And if the gal you're looking at makes eye contact back with you from across the room and doesn't look away, wait a few seconds. Then get up, grab your beer in one hand, walk over and look her in the eyes. ONLY HER.

Then you say, "excuse me, can I get you a drink?"

It's that easy. And if her friends are cool, they might mess with you a bit. It's just a little test.

Roll with it. Be positive.

Even if she says no, gently shrug your shoulders like it means nothing to you and walk back to your seat and watch the game.

You know f-ing boring that is?

I've heard women complain that they get tired of waiting for guys to come talk to them. But there's this double-standard where they can't go make the first move for some reason, because if they do, it gives the wrong impression.

Maybe that's why they spend so much time dancing?

Look for a women who isn't so beautiful and is watching her friends getting macked on. Talk to her. She'll be glad to have company and it will be easir for you. Plus, there's just as good a chance she's nice and someone worth talking too.

I do think that women have it easier than men, but there are alot of shy women out there (like me) and it doesnt matter what you look like, if you look like you lack confidence you wont get approached(trust me, I been there!!) Looks are definitely not everything, personality is. Lead with your personality..IT WILL WORK!!