Sorry. I wish I had the answer for it. I am asking myself those very questions on a daily basis. Especially after I find myself doing something destructive, like contacting my ex who has expressed no interest in getting back together, to suggest we try it anyway. The truth I found for myself is that while HE might be done with the relationship I was not. HE might think that it's ok to just leave and not even discuss it. I do not. I was raised differently. I believe in fighting for it, in trying until satisfied it's done, in avoiding unnecessary pain for people you care for. He has none of these things in him. But if I stopped fighting, then I'd be him. Probably would be easier to live, but I wouldn't want to be him. Ever. I want to know, one day, when all of this is past, that I gave it my all, and I have nothing to regret.

it's called denial.

we think that if we give enough, it will come back to us.

the reality is that a taker can spot a naive giver a mile away and play them for all that they can suck out of them.

you have been played. most of us here have.

it is time to stop playing with them and go find a better class of people to associate with.

@ Slanchice - I guess I feel the same way you do, I want to look back and know that I gave it all and now wonder what If I have done something different cause I did it all.
@ faith - you are so right, thinking that if we give more they would love us more. Need to find the inner strenght to face reality and stop this madness.

I will say that working to make the relationship a positive one, even with the one partner walking away from communicating is worth the time and effort put into it.
Each person we share our heart with, whether for a day, for a season, for a year, or longer, stays within our heart always.
The best gift you give yourself when it seems the end of the shared road together is to forgive your self for wanting it to last longer, and smile for the good times.
Hang in there, you are healing (I know, it sure seems like it's falling apart) and you are stronger, braver, and going to be the better person for staying the whole distance of this experience.
You are not alone.

@ mideyebrow - your words always so wise and uplifting!!! Thanks!!!

It's just as the others said. You will know you tried everything. And know that it isn't your fault.
I totally Do Not buy into this, "you both have to take responsibility for the break up" Horse Crap!
I did all I could. I am not perfect. But it was He who would not stop talking to the old girlfriend. I did all I could to get him to stop. Our daughter stood and cried and begged him to stop.
It was He who kicked me out, and moved her in with 2 days. It was He who made me homeless and without so much as a 'sorry'.
I am 5 months seperated now. Can see more clearly. Still cry Every single day. But no longer want him back.
He made his bed. He can lay in it.
Move on. It's hard. Very hard. 32 years of marriage is gone for me. But he didn't seem to care that his son who makes just 10 an hour has been supporting his wife. So........no more respect for him.

Your ID/Name says everything Onceloved.......we keep clinging to that once love feeling and the old memories.

i hear ya. and I def feel for you. my situation is similar to yours. i feel as if im the one trying to hold onto my marriage and im literally hanging by a thread. My husband at this point doesnt seem to give a crap. I didnt even get an I love you or a card for that matter of all days
=(

u shd keep trying until u cant or dont wish 2 anymore. marriage is a lifelong commitment. no one can tell u when ur done. each of us can withstand what we can withstand. my husband asked me why i keep trying? i asked him why arent u? he came at me with that confusion stuff 2. i wondered how his commitment cld b so lacking that he cld allow someone else into his heart? how can there b room if im there? lets not pretend like the movies that we just fall in love of no fault or effort of our own...u have 2 b open 4 it. it doesnt just happen. any relationship must b cultivated. if the pain becomes too much ull know when its time to get out. trust urself.

It is a process. You need time and space to weed through your own feelings and come to terms with it all. It is a very difficult time for you.

Take it one day at a time and give yourself a break and try to look after yourself. With time, peace and answers will come to you!

I have asked myself all these questions throughout the years, and I have never come up with satisfactory answers. Like you, I have never been willing to throw in the towel. I just finished reading Eat, Pray, Love. One of the sections I really appreciated was the one about soulmates. Maybe you'll find some truth in this passage, too:

Your problem is you dont understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and thats what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything thats holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person youll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just cant let this one go. Its over, Groceries. Davids purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now its over. Problem is, you cant accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life. Youre like a dog at the dump, baby youre just lickin at an empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if youre not careful, that cans gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it.

Thanks everybody!!!! Maybe I will keep trying until I can't no more and Katie love the passage!!!! I don't know what the future has in store for me but I do appreciate all the support!!!!